Flume
by Morphy
Summary: Bella swan a well-known name in the world of competitive swimming loses her drive for the sport after the death of her mother. Moving to a small town doesn't help when the people there just won't simply let you give up on what you're good at. AH Bellice
1. Home

**A/N – Hi, this is my first time trying to write and post a chapter based Bella/Alice story so I hope you all like it and take it easy on me :] Also I have to give the biggest shout out to my fairy grammar mother lol Beetlebum101 you are the best thank you and if you are looking for something great to read you should check out her fic 'When Everything Else Is Gone' cause you wont be disappointed.**

**Rated M for some swearing. ****So now on with the show:]**

"_I am my mother's only one. It's enough." - Flume - Bon Iver_

I touched my face gently, checking if the cold sweat I could feel on my skin was really there or just a figment of a dream. I rubbed the moisture over my fingertips. Why couldn't I just sleep through the night? What was so difficult? I missed the peace that sleep used to bring. I can't even remember my dream (or should I say nightmare?) but I would bet that it involved a car, a wet road and oncoming headlights. I sat up, pulling my legs towards me and leaning my head against my knees. I gripped at the roots of my hair, trying to wake my brain from its dreamy daze. The clock told me I still had two hours before I had to start getting ready for my first day of school – in the middle of the semester.

I knew it was useless to try and get any more sleep. I'm used to the early mornings anyway, so it's not too bad. I threw off the sheets and the chill in the air made me shiver as I moved swiftly to the closet. I craned my neck to look out the window and thankfully it wasn't raining. Maybe a jog would clear my mind. I threw on some sweats and grabbed my keys and phone, before tiptoeing out the front door. I didn't want Charlie to lose his sleep as well.

The ground was still slick with the night's rain. I started to pick up speed, heading in no particular direction. My feet made a repetitive rhythm and my thoughts fell in line. If I just got out of practice five minutes earlier or later, would it have made a difference? If I had been in the front seat instead of the back, I wouldn't be here right now. The smell of the trees and the cold breezes were so different to what I was used to. It wasn't bad; I just wish I didn't have to be here. I doubled back and picked up the pace, pushing myself. It was a natural reaction. I had always pushed myself. I just couldn't remember why anymore. I climbed the few stairs to Charlie's house. I guess it was our house now; not that it felt that way.

After a shower and a change of clothes, I headed back down stairs. Charlie was reading a newspaper, which he dropped as soon as he heard me enter. I got some orange juice out of the fridge, poured it into the closest glass and leaned against the counter.

"Hey, Bells, you sleep alright last night?" Charlie questioned, with a slight arch in his brow and I knew that he knew I didn't.

"Yeah it was… alright." I couldn't add anymore to that statement.

"I heard you scream again." Charlie said softly, turning his gaze back to the newspaper.

Dammit. I thought I had gotten past that. "Sorry," I said, moving my gaze to the ground.

Charlie coughed and quickly moved on. "So… where did you go this morning?"

I put my glass in the sink, leaning my weight against the frame. "I just went to get some air," I said to the white tiled wall.

"Well, be careful, Bells, you aren't in Phoenix anymore. There are animals in these woods…"

"Yeah, Charlie, I know. I'm not stupid." I turned and I knew that it bothered him when I called him Charlie but it just seemed natural that way.

"I know you're not but it's my job to keep you safe. Do you plan to take that bike to school today?" Charlie's voice became gruff and I knew he just hated my motorbike.

I flinched at the word school. It didn't go unnoticed.

"You don't have to go just yet if you don't want to. It's only been what? A month and a half."

It had been forty-six days exactly. "I should just get it over with. I'm afraid I won't get to graduate if I don't and I'm not going through another year of hell… I mean high school."

"Well, it's up to you but if you feel too overwhelmed, just take a half day." Charlie half smiled. Like taking a half-day would fix anything.

"Sure, Charlie."

He grumbled again as I got my bag ready with some supplies. At least I would be getting out the house for a few hours. I decided to head out a little bit early in hopes of going unnoticed at school. Hopefully I could make it through this last year under the radar. I threw on some gloves and my leather jacket as Charlie reminded me for the fifth time about the helmet. He is such a worrier.

As I got on the bike, I flicked up the kickstand and balanced out my weight. It was only a short journey to the high school and the roads seemed to be practically deserted. I liked feeling the weight of the bike beneath me. I could tell it which way to go; I shift slightly and it moves along with me. I found an empty parking lot that I sincerely hoped was for students because getting my bike towed on my first day would not make me happy.

I made my way to the front office. It wasn't too hard to find with all the big pointy signs. The school seemed to be designed with a few small, brick buildings and two larger ones, all of them having large numbers painted in white on the brick work, which was kind of hard to miss. I knocked on the door then opened it and a woman with red, curly hair looked up from her desk. She seemed to be too happy for a Monday morning but I just ignored it.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. I'm the new transfer student."

"Yes, Isabella, we've heard so much about you." She smiled

God that could not be a good sign and I just said I was 'Bella.' Was she partially deaf as well as a morning person? "It's Bella," I said a little too harshly, but it was already said what could I do now.

"So, Bella, here's a map of the school with your locker location and combo. It's better to memorize that than to carry it around and here is your class schedule. Have a great first day, now."

She waved at me before I had even moved to leave. I took one look at the map and decided that I would head for my locker first. I was lucky; it was just down the hall. It was difficult to miss the big chunks of light grey metal sticking out of the walls. I followed the locker numbers down to seventy-seven and realized they didn't go beyond double digits. This obviously wasn't a big school but that worked out fine for me. I'm not in the mood for crowds.

My locker was actually big enough for all my stuff so that was a pleasant surprise. That could possibly be the high light of my entire day, right there. Distracted by the wonder that is my new locker, I missed the guy that had decided to stand at my side until I was made to look at him.

"Hey, I'm Yorkie… Eric Yorkie," he said in a bad English accent.

I was far too amazed by the fact that I could almost see my reflection in his hair. I moved slightly and my reflection moved as well. This, Eric, was it? Used far too much product. "So?" I slammed my locker, as I could see him trying to get a glimpse of what was inside. I knew it wasn't like me to be so bitchy but I just couldn't seem to care what his name was.

"Is that your motorbike outside?" He said with excitement.

I ignored him for the moment as I looked at my map, trying to find first period history with Mr. Wright. It seemed to be located in building three. "Yeah, it is."

"That's so cool. I've always wanted a motorbike. Think I could ride it sometime?" Eric asked, all wide-eyed and hopeful.

Ha! Yeah, he could ride it straight to hell. "Sorry, Eric, I have to go. I don't want to be late for my first class," I said, taking quick steps. I think he got the hint and I was left alone, which was what I wanted in the first place.

I got to class just before the bell rang. I knew when I stepped in the room that everyone was looking at me. I could feel their eyes on me, almost burrowing into my skin. I hate being the new kid. I looked straight at the teacher and he just sat there. You would think they would know a new student when they see one. Everyone else seems to.

He seemed to take notice after a moment, swiveling awkwardly in his chair. "Ah, you must be the new student. Isabella, is it?"

"Just Bella."

"Okay 'just Bella', here's a copy of your text book. If you have trouble with any of the material just speak to me after class."

I took the heavy textbook and casually scanned the room for a seat. There were a few and you could see the preppy students trying to make eye contact and smile. Like that would make a difference. I chose to sit at the back because then it would give people less chance to stare. I took a seat next to a mousy looking girl with glasses and long brown hair, not unlike my own. It was hard to concentrate on whatever he was trying to teach, as it was extremely boring. I just copied whatever he wrote down and hoped for the best.

"Okay, read chapter sixteen and seventeen and answer the following questions." Mr. Wright continued to make chalk scribbling on the board as I moved to open my textbook.

The rest of class was pretty quiet as I thought over all the work I had to catch up on. I jotted down a few notes when the girl beside me cleared her throat and I turned instinctively at the sound but wished I hadn't.

"Hi, I'm Angela, I was wondering if you needed someone to show you to your next class?" Angela pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose as I contemplated my answer.

She didn't seem to be as outwardly annoying as Eric but there was no point in trying to make friends. It just invites questions. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm doing fine on my own."

"Oh… okay then. But if you need someone to sit with at lunch you're welcome at my table. My friends wouldn't mind."

I packed up my things and didn't really give Angela an answer but I was thinking about it. I checked my schedule and map as I walked through the hall. Hopefully if I looked deep in thought no one would approach me. My system of looking busy worked and I got to English before the teacher so I decided just to take a seat.

Students started to slowly flood in as I kept my eyes on the table, scratching into a loose sheet of paper with my favorite blue fountain pen. I just loved the way the pen seemed to glide while writing. I used it to draw too but maybe all artists were pen snobs. Not that I was an artist by any standards; I just liked to draw. I spun the pen around my fingers as I remembered the day I got it. It was my seventeenth birthday and I was at the mall with my mom. She insisted we spend the day together and she would buy me whatever I wanted and then I saw this in a store window. It may have been more expensive than a pair of high tops and jeans like my mom was expecting me to want but I wanted this and I remember her voice got all high, like it always did when she was surprised, and she said, "Bella, it's a pen. I could get a thousand pens for that price." Yeah, she could have but I wanted this one. I replied, "yeah, but this is the only one I want." I took off the cap and read the inscription on the side. It said simply, in little gold swirly letters, "_The Only One_." I bit my lip inside my mouth to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey, are you okay?" I looked to the girl beside me whom I hadn't even noticed before.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired," I lied, as I blinked and yawned for dramatic effect. She didn't seem to buy it, as she looked me in the eye. Her own eyes were blue; that clear, light blue like tropical water or a blizzard blue crayola.

"Hey, are you Bella Swan?"

I wanted to sigh. It's only been a few hours and already everyone and their grandma knows my name. "Yeah," I said with boredom because I'd rather not be me. The girl got a slight smirk on her lips, like she knew something I didn't.

"The same Bella Swan who broke the four hundred meter freestyle record at nationals last year?"

Fuck. She knew who I was. Just fucking great. I was probably sitting next to the only person in this whole school who knew about the swim world. Does this school even have a swim team? It did say the home of the 'Spartans' on the welcome sign. I really wish I could lie and say no because I didn't feel like I was that same person anymore but she could just Google it and have my picture in ten seconds. So what would be the point in lying?

"I used to be."

"What do you mean you used to be?" The girl with spiky, black hair asked and I was starting to see this as a sort of one-sided conversation.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered putting my focus back on doodling. I let my hair fall to the side creating a curtain between us.

"Sorry but I just can't believe you're at our school. Are you going to join the team? We're so going to win nationals with you on the team this year. I can talk to the coach today if you want," she continued to ramble.

I looked out at the woods and they seemed to surround this place. I could just imagine walking into the woods and getting lost for hours. Not being able to find my way back but not really wanting to either.

"Bella… Bella, did you listen to anything I just said?"

I tried to remember what she had said but nothing came to me so I just shook my head. She sighed and smiled at me even though I was being incredibly rude.

"I was just saying it's going to be so great having you on the team this year."

What? When did I agree to this? This girl had to be crazy. I had hardly said two words. "Sorry, what's your name?"

"Sorry, I haven't even told you my name. I'm Alice." Alice stuck her hand out waiting for me to shake it but I wasn't a touchy person. I just looked at it until she seemed to get the picture. She slowly drew back her hand and frowned.

"Look, Alice, I'm only going to say this once. I don't swim anymore." I tried to focus my eyes on her to get across my seriousness.

"But why?" Alice asked as the teacher entered.

My jaw seemed to lock automatically and my teeth grated together as I focused back on doodling. Alice seemed to take my ignorance as a sign that the teacher had entered but teacher or not, that was none of her business. Miss Jacobs started the class by handing out a new book and I was glad to be starting something instead of jumping into the middle. It was a small book with the title 'The Destructors' by Graham Greene. Miss Jacobs continued to talk through the book as I glanced out the window again, watching the wind move the trees.

The bell sounded and I raced out of class before Alice could ask me any more questions. I walked down the hall not even sure if I was going in the right direction but it didn't really matter. I took the two pieces of paper out of my pocket and unfolded them as I continued down the hall. I followed the quickest route to class when I hit something hard and fell hard onto the floor, my books spilling out across the tile.

"Ow..." I cradled my arm as I hit my elbow at an odd angle. Then I noticed someone else tending to their own injuries. "Sorry," I said to the guy with a mop of blond hair. I got onto my knees and started to collect my books and paper together. At least no one else seemed to see the fall.

"It's okay." The blonde guy smiled as he picked up my history book.

After I picked my dignity up off the floor, I stood up and dusted myself off. The blonde boy turned out to be really tall as he got up. He must have been about a foot taller than me. I looked at my book in his hand and he seemed to catch on.

"Oh, sorry, here's your book. Where you headed to in such a hurry anyway?" There was a slight twang to his voice but it was smooth, like he spoke with it on purpose.

"I have media with Mr. Mason," I said and it seemed to rhyme in a lame way.

"It's just up those stairs third on the left." He pointed up the stairs next to us and I realized that my map only had the first floor on it. Wasn't that just useful.

"Thanks…" I paused when I realized I had no idea what his name was.

"It's Jasper but my friends call me Jazz," he said with a warm effortless smile.

"Thanks Jasper," I said as I headed for the stairs.

"Oh, and say hi to Emmett for me." He shouted as I left and it seemed weird but maybe he was just weird.

I knocked on the door to the class then opened it slowly. I was late but at least I had a good excuse, on account of it being my first day. "Sorry I'm late. I had trouble finding the class."

"That's okay. I'll let you off seeing as it's your first day but don't make it a habit." Mr. Mason pointed at me and I could tell he found it funny, in the way an old man like himself would. I let him finish his joke and he took on a serious tone again. "You can sit next to Emmett but tell me if he talks too much or distracts you."

"Come on, Mr. Mason, I'm not that bad."

I followed the voice to a huge guy and he was the only one sitting by himself as the rows were set up two's. I took the spare seat beside Emmett.

"I have to get some work sheets from the photocopier. I'll be back in two minutes." The _two minutes_ seemed to be almost a threat as Mr. Mason left the room.

"Jasper says hi." I turned to Emmett to relay the message; it's the least I could do after almost breaking his legs.

"How do you know Jasper? Do you have class together?" Emmett raised his eyebrows in slight confusion and I think this is what Jasper was wanting.

"No, I just ran into him in the hall." I use the word 'ran' loosely.

"And you guys spoke about me." Emmett gestured to himself putting a hand on his heart. "I always knew I was the most exciting thing at this school but this just proves it." Emmett smiled and he had dimples when he smiled. He looked almost like a child.

"Better you than me." That was all I could say.

"Yeah, I have heard some stories about you," Emmett spoke, ominously.

I'd rather not know what these stories are, even though I wanted to ask. It was a tricky business. Did I really want to know what other people thought about me? I weighted the options in my head and decided not to ask about the stories.

"Is that your bike in the parking lot? Vintage Ducati Shotgun, right?" Emmett asked with a knowing smirk.

I was surprised he actually knew the model. I turned to him and he immediately smiled. "You know about bikes?" I inquired.

"A little but it was my girlfriend, Rose, who told me the model. She loves motorbikes."

A girl that liked motorbikes seemed like my kind of girl but that's not what I'm here for; I'm here to study and get into a good college. I don't need friends. It's just a year. I'll be out of this place before I know it and I'll never have to see any of these people again. "Cool," I said turning back to my English book.

The rest of class was uneventful and I just counted the minutes until lunch. I should have had breakfast; that way I wouldn't sound like I have a hungry bear in my stomach. I cut through the hall, navigating past the sea of people. The cafeteria was a lot smaller than the one in my old school but what was I expecting? There didn't seem to be any vending machines either and nothing looked sponsored by Vitamin Water. I took a place in line, getting fries and a coke. Once I paid, I looked over the cafeteria and there seemed to be a lot of empty tables. That was lucky. I took a seat at a table by the window.

I never thought of myself as a loner. I was always grouped with the jocks and always had friends but now I was the loner person that sat on their own at lunch. If my friends could see me now, I wonder what they would say. Nothing, probably. None of them have even bothered to call or email me since I left. Well, Emma did but she was always the nice one of the bunch. The rest just asked, "when are you coming back?" which in bitchy language, translates to, "we need you to win, get back on the team." That's one thing I'm not going to miss about the sport. That, and the early morning practices and the smell of chlorine in my hair.

I got my schedule and my map out on the table and flattened it out. My last two classes were Biology then Art. Not too bad. I liked the idea of getting to take art class this year but I was feeling pretty tired. Charlie was right, maybe a half-day would be good but it's only two classes. I opened my English book to where I had left off in media and put my feet up on the nearest chair, under the table. I should have gone to the library but it was too late now.

"Hey, Bella, these are my friends. This is Mike, Jessica, Angela, Lauren and Tyler." The boy known as Eric pointed to his friends as they began to fill the seats around me.

Funny, I don't remember asking them to join me.

"So, how are your classes so far?" The girl from my history class asked politely.

"They're alright." School is school, after all.

"Hi, I'm Mike. A bunch of us are going to the movies tomorrow night. Do you want to come?" Mike had a baby face and spiked blond hair, molded into tall points.

"We are?" A nasally voiced Jessica cut in.

"Well I was thinking about it," Mike defended, "but, Bella, if you wanted it to be just you and me I could pick you up…"

"Sorry, Mike, I'm gay."

"Gay?" Mike seemed almost stunned, his eyes frozen with shock.

"As Christmas," I replied. Being gay wasn't something I thought about a lot or over analyzed. It was just a part of who I was; like, I'm right handed and I'm gay. I was born both.

"Are you sure?" He asked as Angela gave him a swift punch to the shoulder, effectively shutting him up. I took the opportunity to leave before I became part of some sort of gay, fact-finding mission.

Biology class was deserted and I decided to just sit in the class to get some peace and quiet. I don't know why everyone seemed to want to talk to me; I'm not really that interesting. I leaned my head in my hands, following the patterns in the black, granite worktops. At least no one here knows what happened. I don't have to see people look at me with pity and mumble about being sorry and not knowing what to say. My eyelids felt heavy and I closed them for just a second before I heard the door close and I bolted upright looking towards the door. A boy with a blue sweater and unusually colored hair approached me. It wasn't red, more like copper or rust. He ran his hand through his hair and pushed it back out of his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," He said quietly.

"It's okay," I yawned. "It's better if I don't fall asleep on my first day."

"Yeah, especially not in Banner's class. He's a bit of a hard ass." He smirked and you could tell he knew he was attractive but he wasn't smug about it. "Sorry, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Edward Cullen." The way he spoke seemed to be aged, like he should have been born in the 1920's or something. Just the way he said 'introduced' seemed odd.

"Bella swan," I said back although he probably already knew.

"Yeah, my friend told me about you, you're a swimmer right? Weren't you, like, training for the Olympics or something like that?"

I clutched at the edge of the desk I didn't enjoy people talking about me. Rumors I could take, but the truth seemed much more hurtful now. "Who told you?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"No one," Edward defended, sensing my anger.

"But you just said your friend told you." I turned his words on him as I tried to remember to breathe.

"Yeah, but everyone knows."

"Everyone knows what exactly?" I took a breath trying to calm down.

"It's a small school; we only have three competitive sports: football, baseball and swimming. As soon as they heard you were coming here, they were amazed, especially the coach. He thinks you'll make him famous."

"I'm not here to make anyone famous." I sighed. "I'm here to do my time and graduate. That's it."

"Okay, that's fair enough," Edward said putting his hands up. "But why give up on something you're so obviously good at?"

I didn't give up on swimming, I just didn't love it anymore and I don't think I have for a long time. I looked to Edward and my mouth pressed into a hard line. I wasn't planning on giving him an answer and I think he could tell, as he stopped talking and focused back on his text book, taking out a smaller note book and a pen, lining them up carefully on the table.

"So…" Edward sighed, filling the awkward silence. "Are you friends with Newton's group?"

"Newton?" I questioned.

"Mike Newton. You know, blonde, spiky hair, hits on anything female."

"Ah, Spiky, I know who you mean and no, I'm not."

"Why not?"

I was really getting sick of these 'why' questions today. Why couldn't everyone mind their own business? "I don't need any friends."

The rest of the day passed uneventfully and with no more why questions. I headed back to my locker, picking up my now heavy backpack and my helmet. I got a few stares walking into the parking lot but I tried to pretend like I didn't notice. I didn't wait around in the parking lot as I put my helmet on. Parked a few cars away, a group caught my eye mainly because they owned the shiniest cars in the place. They were all attractive and I noticed Alice staring at me but not in a curious way. Her jaw tensed and she seemed almost angry. A bead of rain hit my nose and I gazed up at the cloud-covered sky. I better get home before it gets heavy I thought, as I turned the key, starting the engine. The word 'home' seemed to linger. Home… I guess that's what it is now.

**A/N thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and I really appreciate any reviews. **


	2. A Jerk Move

**A/N Thank you so much for all the reviews and alerts. Also to all my fanfic friends that support me in writing this story especially Beetlebum101. **

It's amazing how the simplest things can trigger a memory. I was just chewing on a piece of bubble gum, like I normally would, and all I could think of was my mom's face and how she would ask 'are you enjoying that?' In a sarcastic tone and I could almost see her eyes crinkle at her own lame joke. It wasn't funny. I just seemed to chew rather loudly, snapping bubbles in my mouth as I walked.

I took my seat in third period media, stacking my books in the corner of the desk. I took the gum from my mouth and stuck it to the underside of the table, hoping I had been sneaky enough that no one noticed.

Mr. Mason rubbed the bald part of his head as he set up the video player. Did they even still sell videotapes anymore? Emmett started to grumble next to me, almost vibrating and I noticed his eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open. I think he must be asleep. Mr. Mason looked over at us and I jabbed the crook of my elbow into Emmett's side. He shot up in his chair, laying his palms flat against the table, shaking his head furiously.

"I'm up, I'm up."

He looked at me and I mouthed 'sorry,' as Mr. Mason focused back on the television.

"Thanks," Emmett whispered, relaxing back into his seat.

Mr. Mason hit the lights and we all focused on watching the film. It was far from interesting. It was about a guy who wanted the girl but there was an obstacle blah, blah, blah, romantic comedy, the end. I wish life was more like television and I had friends that just dropped by to share their wacky adventures and a love interest that I was destined to be with. I think my life needs better writers.

When the lights came back on, there was a collective groan from the class. Mr. Mason let us leave class early and Emmett seemed to be following me as we left the class.

"Hey, Bella, I wanted to ask you something. Is it true you almost got an endorsement deal from Speedo?"

I stopped in my tracks and for the first time in almost two months, I wanted to laugh. "What?" I asked, confused.

"It's just a rumor and I was wondering if it's true." Emmett's eyes didn't hold any malice as he spoke but it was hard to think of a teenage guy being so innocent.

"No. That's complete bull."

"Ah, okay. I thought it was."

"Any other rumors I can squash for you?" I asked as I put my books in my locker.

"Hmm… let me think," Emmett motioned, stroking his imaginary beard.

We began walking towards gym - my most hated class. Swimming was the only sport I was really good at. Anything else seemed to knock me on my ass.

"Is it true that the only reason you came to this school is because they pay you." Emmett seemed to talk with his hands, as he gestured money by rubbing his fingers together.

That's absurd. I mean, I've been offered scholarships for private schools, but money? "No, that's not true."

"What about being sponsored by Vitamin Water. Is that true?"

I wish. "Nope."

"What about going to the Olympics. Is that true?" Emmett asked

I wonder who heard about this. I mean, I hardly knew. "I was in training, yes, but not anymore and even if I was, it was no guarantee." We reached the changing rooms and the girls were before the boys. I put my hand on the door.

"Wait, wait. One more. Okay, is it true you're part mermaid?"

"Goodbye, Emmett." I chuckled slightly under my breath and it felt good to laugh again.

I got to my locker and I didn't even notice that Alice was already here getting changed. She looked at me and I felt nervous under her gaze.

"Hey." I said giving a slight nod.

"Hey, I almost didn't recognize you with a smile." Alice grinned showing her pearly, white teeth.

I could feel my face heat up and I don't know why I was so embarrassed. I tried to hide my face by opening my locker and taking off my jacket, but there was definitely an awkward silence in the air.

"Don't be embarrassed, you should smile more often. It suits you."

I shouldn't be smiling. I wiped the smile from my face and hung my jacket up in the locker.

"You don't talk much, do you?" Alice asked, her face slightly tilting to the side with unabashed curiosity.

"There's not much to say," I replied pulling my grey t-shirt over my head.

"That's okay. I'll just talk then. Once, when I was young, I thought there were dinosaurs buried in the back yard. So, one day, I dug loads of holes looking for them and there must have been at least thirty holes in the yard before my dad noticed and he yelled, "Mary Alice Brandon, what have you been doing?" She put on a deep voice, wagging her finger, mimicking her father. "I had never seen him so mad and I just stuttered saying something about a bunch of raccoons."

I tried not to smile but it was too difficult, as I felt my cheeks tense up at the image of young Alice covered in dirt, just dropping the shovel and blaming a bunch of raccoons. "Raccoons, really?"

"Yeah, and to this day, anytime my dad tries to yell at me for something, I just blame it on raccoons and he forgets all about it and laughs." Alice laughed, recalling the memory.

A few girls I didn't really know had wandered in and began talking amongst themselves. I finished changing and I realized that Alice was now waiting for me. I felt odd wearing board shorts for gym but they didn't have a kit and everyone just wore whatever they had, I guess. I just have to get used to these new things. I ran my hand over the shorts, trying to flatten out the random creases, but they just seemed to re-appear a second later.

I walked into the hall and Alice followed. We had started volleyball and I was able to sit out yesterday but not today. One of the Coaches, Mr. Damon, was already waiting. He was attractive… for a high school teacher, I guess, but that wasn't hard to do if you were under thirty. You could tell a lot of the girls had crushes on him; I watched them sit up to attention as he took the class register.

"Okay, four teams of five. Pick your teams," Coach Damon shouted at us, standing too close for it to be necessary.

"Do you want to be on our team, Bella?" Alice asked, almost bouncing the whole bench with her excitement.

I wish I could have the same excitement about things but I just couldn't seem to muster it. "Sure," I replied, dispassionately.

"Great!" Emmett bellowed, flinging his arms around our shoulders.

I shrugged off Emmett's arm casually and I don't think he really took notice of it. He proceeded to pick up Alice and spin her in circles, as I stepped back to sit on the bleachers.

"Emmett! Put me down, I'm getting dizzy."

He spun one last time, quickly, and then put her back on her feet as she swayed from side to side, taking overlapping steps. It was amusing to watch and I gave my full attention to Emmett as he fell to the floor. Alice took a seat beside me and put her hand on my knee. Her hand felt like it was on fire, or maybe that was my skin, I don't know, but I moved away, sliding along the bench and creating a space between us.

"Okay, you and you up first." Coach Damon pointed to two of the teams as the rest of us sat on the bleachers, watching the game. The only interesting thing was when Jessica hit Mike on the back of the head with her serve. Now, _that_ made me want to laugh.

"So, Bella, do you want to hang out with us this weekend? We usually go over to Emmett and Edward's house and watch movies and sometimes we play poker." Alice asked, but I really wasn't interested in socializing.

"Yeah, Bells, come on. The girls won't play strip poker if the teams are unfair. If you come, it would be three against three," Emmett pleaded, with puppy dog eyes.

"Emmett! That's not the reason why we don't play strip poker. The reason we don't play strip poker is because we don't want to." Alice rebutted.

There was no way I was playing strip poker and I looked to Alice with slight worry.

"Don't worry, he's joking." Alice nudged him with her arm.

"Yeah, I'm just joking. But even without strip poker, it'll still be fun."

I thought it over. I suppose it could be fun to get out the house and see people. I think Charlie is starting to worry about me. "I don't know," I answered honestly. I should make friends but making friends means questions and I don't want to answer questions. But I'm not going to lie. I just don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want the pity. It's unlikely they'll ask about my mom but… I don't know. I don't want to think about it. Does that make me a bad person?

"Cullen, your team's up." Coach shouted and we took our turn.

I managed to stay out of the way, mostly, while the rest of my team seemed to be able to handle themselves. Every time the ball came into my direction, one of the other guys (usually Emmett) would jump in front and I just tried not to get hit. Coach blew the whistle and it felt like I had been through a war. Thank God lunch was next or I think I might collapse. I decided that I really need to start eating in the morning and my stomach grumbled in agreement.

"Swan, can I talk to you for a second?" I turned to see the coach as everyone else continued to the locker room.

What was with gym teachers and using only your last name? Is it some sort of gym teacher code? "Sure, Coach Damon, what is it?"

"I was wondering why you haven't asked to join our swim team?"

I guess I should have expected this. "I'm not competing this year."

"Why not? Are you getting offers from other schools? They can't give you what I can, okay? Stay with me and we can win nationals this year. Then maybe further after that." Mr. Damon's blue eyes seemed to get darker and he began to get a little frantic as he spoke. It was slightly frightening as he came closer, towering over me. He pushed back his dirty blonde hair and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm not interested in winning anymore." I tried to make him understand it wasn't about winning.

"Come on, everybody loves a winner. What about a scholarship? Your future?"

"I don't care about that stuff anymore."

"Look, I understand it's a new town, new people – you're getting settled. Just think about it and I'll ask you again in a little while."

I don't know why he wouldn't take no for an answer but it was getting irritating. "I don't need to 'get settled.' The answer is no." I tried to control my voice; shouting at a teacher on my second day would not go down well.

"Just think about it. I think you'll find it will be best for both of us in the end," He grinned.

What the hell did that mean? At least if I pretend to think about it he might leave me alone. "Fine, can I go now?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Gym teachers usually gave off the creep vibe; I think it was something to do with the shorts but he seemed extra creepy. I left quickly, getting to the changing rooms as most people were leaving.

"Hey what did coach want to talk to you about?" Alice asked and I could tell she had been waiting on me. She was dressed and leaning casually against the lockers.

I started to throw off my sweaty gym clothes and push them into a bag as I began to change. "Nothing." I huffed, buckling my jeans.

"Come on, you can tell me. I thought we were friends."

I grabbed my jacket, sliding my arms in quickly. "Look, Alice, we," I motioned between us, outstretching my arm, "are not, nor shall ever be, 'friends.' Okay? I don't want friends, I don't need friends." I finished by slamming my locker and spinning on my foot.

I didn't wait for a reply or even look at her again. I made my way into the hall where Emmett was waiting. He pushed his large frame off the wall, looking at me from my shoes upwards.

"Where's Alice?"

"Don't care." I said, as I flung my bag over my shoulder, continuing swiftly down the hall.

I don't know why I am being so horrible. I don't want to be, it just comes out. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and I knew it was guilt. But guilt is how you pay for mistakes, I guess.

I got to the cafeteria and got some food, taking an empty table, not really caring where. It was ten minutes before Alice and Emmett entered the lunchroom. I tried to be subtle in my stalking but I doubt it was working. Alice seemed upset as she walked close to Emmett and he put a friendly hand around her shoulder. Shit. Why did I have to care what she thought of what I said? That's just my life. Isn't it a big pile of crap?

I continued my stalking as they sat down at their usual table with Edward, Jasper and Rosalie. Alice took a seat next to Jasper and I hadn't noticed before but Jasper kissed her head and held her hand. That must be her boyfriend. I felt a harder pang in my stomach and I thought about walking over and apologizing. But did I really deserve to feel better? I was a jerk. The least I could do was feel like a one.

**A/N Thanks for reading. **


	3. The Art Of Not Caring

**A/N I would just like to say thank you again for all the alerts and reviews, I do read and love every one. I'm updating kind of quickly right now because I don't feel the story really picks up for a few chapters yet but even then I'll try to keep updates as timely as possible:] **

**As always I have to thank my wonderful fairy grammar mother Beetlebum101, you are the best :]**

It had been a week since I was a jerk to Alice. I think she had decided to just give up on me, or was giving me some sort of silent treatment. That was perfectly fine by me. I still felt like a jerk but at least it was a distraction from missing my mom. I hate the feeling of missing someone; it's horrible. It's like if you spend hours trying to complete a puzzle, just to realize that there's one piece missing and it doesn't matter if you have the other nine hundred and ninety-nine. It's that one missing piece you stare at; the gaping hole in an otherwise perfect puzzle.

English class was the worst. At least I could almost avoid her the rest of the day, but English was inescapable. I started to notice things about her; stupid things I hadn't seen before. Like the way she crinkles her brow when she concentrates, or the way she bites her lip when she's stuck and doesn't know the answer. Sometimes she taps her pen to random tunes, humming along, and it makes me want to find out what she has been listening to. Sometimes I take guesses, but I never say anything.

"Okay class, time for your favorite kind of work: team work!" Miss Jacobs said cheerily and it would have been funny if she were trying to be ironic. But she wasn't. "I want you to talk to the person next to you and create an in-depth profile of that person. And try to ask more than their favorite color, please. Make it raw and interesting. You have a weeks to have this finished."

I looked to Alice and she bit her lip. It was clear she felt just as awkward about this as I did. Maybe we could do something else or I could get a different partner. After the bell sounded I walked up to Miss Jacobs' desk.

"Miss Jacobs?" I stuttered slightly, rubbing the back of my neck. "I was wondering if maybe I could get a different project to do."

"Why do you want a different project?" Miss Jacobs looked up at me and I tried to come up with a suitable excuse.

"I just… I don't feel comfortable…" I tried to find the right words when a voice like crystal cut me off.

"Because she hates me."

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose, tightly. I didn't hate her. I hated me, there's a difference. Alice left the room and I followed after.

"Alice… Alice wait." God, what was I doing? Alice stopped in the middle of the hall, as the students flowed around her. "Alice, I don't hate you. I'm sorry, I know I've been a jerk but I just thought it would be easier that way."

"Easier… being a jerk." Alice looked at me like I was crazy.

"I thought it would be easier to not care. Haven't you ever wanted to not care about what people think or their expectations?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to be mean and rude and just generally…."

"A jerk… yes, I know." I huffed a laugh and I felt better for admitting the fact. "I know I don't deserve a second chance, but I'm hoping you'll give me one."

Alice seemed to mull it over, but I could tell from her eyes that she had already forgiven me. They didn't hold any anger anymore. "Fine. It's hard to stay mad at you when you beg like that."

I don't beg. "I didn't beg."

"Okay," Alice said, placating me with a sly smile.

"Okay, well, uh." I scuffed the floor with the tip of my high top. "Do you want to come to my house tomorrow and we can start the project?"

"Sure, but, will you be able to give me a ride? Rosalie usually drives me home."

Hmm, I always thought she would have her own car. I guess I learned something new today.

"Sure," I said quickly, as the bell rang, signaling that I was going to be very late to class.

"See you later." Alice waved from down the hall and I waved back, turning to jog to class. Mr. Mason was going to kill me.

I got to class almost ten minutes late. Mr. Mason just told me to take my seat, not bothering with the usual, 'where have you been?' questions. Emmett was silent and hadn't talked to me since the incident last week. Every time I sat down he looked like he wanted to blurt something out but then just leaned his chair back on two legs crossing his arms over his chest and would stare at the ceiling tiles until class started. He was Alice's friend and I kind of admired him for sticking by her like that. He was such a loyal friend. I wish I had a friend like him when I was growing up.

A flash of Ashley, Sarah, Emma and Holly entered my mind. I thought they were my best friends and they didn't even care. I didn't know what to do and where were they? Ashley always seemed to be the leader; maybe because she was team captain, or maybe because she was the biggest bitch. She always decided where we went and what we did. Her favorite past time was to sit at the mall and make fun of anyone who passed by. It's always easier to be friends with someone like that, rather than being their enemy.

The rest of the day passed in silence and I kept my head down. Coach Damon continued to point to his temple, any time I passed him in the hall. I always nodded along, trying to keep my head down praying he wouldn't talk to me but it was beginning to get on my nerves.

When I got home, I saw the cruiser was already parked. Charlie must be home. I opened the door, dropping my bag to the side and hanging up my jacket, next to Charlie's gun belt.

"Hey, Bells, how was school?" Charlie asked from his place on the couch, taking another sip of coffee, then placing it on the table.

"It was fine." I thought about mentioning Alice but then forgot about it. "So, why are you home so early?" I took a seat on the couch, outstretching my feet.

"I wanted to talk to you about that." Charlie muted the TV and looked at me, as a small shot of fear crawled up my spine. "Sue invited us to dinner at her house tonight. She really wants to meet you and I want you to meet her as well."

"Why?" She's his girlfriend, why did I need to meet her?

"Because, she's important to me, Bella, and I want you two to get along. Plus, you can meet Leah and Seth."

"Why don't you just go alone? I'll stay here, I can look after myself." Didn't he think he could leave me alone in the house for one night? I'm almost eighteen. I don't want to see him, all cozy with his girlfriend. I can't even think of it without wanting to throw up.

"Please! Bella, for me, just do this one thing. I know it's been hard on you since Renee died, but they can understand."

I huffed, throwing my arms on the couch. "And how can they understand?"

"Because Leah and Seth lost their father. It wasn't easy for them, but they got through it." Charlie leaned back relaxing into the couch knowing he had won.

I couldn't argue with him anymore. What was the point? "Fine." I got up and trudged up the stairs to my room, knocking my feet loudly on every step.

"And wear something nice," Charlie's voice sounded from the couch.

Yeah whatever. I flopped down on my bed, taking a breath that seemed to hold all of today's tension. The sheets felt cool against my skin, as I mindlessly rubbed my knuckles against the purple fabric.

I wish I could just sleep forever. I kicked my feet, propelling myself up, as I moved to the open closet. _Hmmm, nice… nice_, I repeated over in my mind, as I flicked through the different tones of black, white and grey. I decided on a light grey shirt and it, conveniently enough, seemed to match what I was already wearing.

"I'm ready when you are, Charlie." Ready to get this over with.

Charlie got up from the couch and for the first time, I noticed he was dressed in blue jeans, a shirt and a sports coat. Where did he even buy that?

"Are you gonna try the truck again or are you taking your bike?" Charlie asked, as he grabbed his keys from the counter.

I wasn't very good at riding in cars anymore. Doctor said it was Post-Traumatic Stress or some shit like that, but I found ways around it. "I think I'll stick with my bike."

Charlie rolled his eyes, "Remember your– "

"Helmet… I know." I grabbed the helmet, waving it at him.

I followed Charlie's truck, as he pulled out of the driveway and continued on until we hit the bridge. It was then that I remembered his girlfriend lived in La Push. I had only been to La Push a few times, usually with Charlie. The only Quileute people I knew were Billy and his son, Jacob, who sold me this bike. The truck's brake lights started to flash and I slowed my pace, as we turned onto a dirt path. All the houses seemed small, almost tucked away into the trees, like they were trying not to stand out. I came to a stop, flicking out the kickstand and throwing my leg over the bike. Charlie waited on me and I trailed behind him, as he knocked on the door. The house was in need of a new coat of paint and there seemed to be plants hanging in every available space. A girl with short, black hair answered the door. I think she must be Leah.

"Hi, Leah, how are you?" Charlie asked, confirming my suspicions.

"I'm good," Leah answered, waving us in.

We stood awkwardly in the living room, as Leah closed the door.

"Leah, this is my daughter, Bella. Bella, this is Leah." Charlie motioned his hand between us.

"Hi," I spoke quietly.

"Hi." She gave a slight passing wave close to her chest.

Leah was dressed casually in shorts and a tank top, but she still looked pretty. I think it had something to do with the copper color of her skin; it just seemed pretty. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it off my face, as an older woman entered the room. She kind of looked like Leah but in like, twenty years time. This must be Sue.

She kissed Charlie and I think I felt my lunch making its way up my throat. Charlie blushed and coughed a few times, as we finally took a seat in the living room.

Charlie sat in the large armchair whilst Sue perched herself on the arm, neatly flattening out her apron "It's so great to finally meet you, Bella. I've been asking Charlie nonstop to bring you over. It took him long enough, didn't it?" Sue laughed and I smiled politely. "So, how are you enjoying Forks so far?"

"It's okay, I guess," I shrugged.

The sound of me scratching the denim of my jeans seemed to be the only thing breaking the silence. Just then, a young boy, around the age of thirteen, entered the room. He was wearing an apron and holding a tin can, with a confused expression on face.

"Mom, where's the can opener?"

Seth looked up from the can and realization hit his eyes, that there were other people in his living room. He looked at me and smiled a lazy grin.

"It's in the farthest away drawer, on the right."

"I looked in there and it's not there," Seth whined.

"Did you look in the sink?" Sue questioned.

"Nope." Seth spoke quickly, as he scurried back into the kitchen.

"So, Bella, have you been in La Push much?" Sue asked.

"A few times, not a lot." I answered, fidgeting slightly.

"Leah, you should show Bella the beach," Sue said to her daughter, her voice raised with amusement. "Dinner's not going to be ready for another twenty minutes. You should go and have a look around."

I guess if it got me out of twenty questions, it was a good idea. Leah got up and I followed, while she grabbed a navy sweatshirt, throwing it over her head as we walked outside. You could tell we were close to the ocean, with the slight smell of salt in the air and the cool breezes that seemed to move with the tide.

We walked in silence for a little bit, until the dirt stopped and dark pebbles covered the ground. The only noise that could be heard was the waves, crashing against the rocks. We walked side by side until Leah spun in front of me, continuing to walk, backwards. She looked into my eyes, but I could never hold anyone's gaze for long before I had to look away and Leah was no exception.

"So, Charlie talks a lot about you." Leah had a slight gravely quality to her voice and it surprised me.

"Well, Charlie has a big mouth." I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket, hunching my shoulders, as another cold breeze hit me.

"I know what you're going through you know. I know it doesn't matter what I say to you right now because you have to go through this, but it does get better."

"Yeah? When?" I spat, because the feeling of horrible blackness just seemed like it had made camp in my body and was there to stay.

"When you're ready. When did you realize?" Leah asked, as we hit an old camping site.

There was an empty fire pit and some large pieces of driftwood littered around. We sat on one of the logs, next to the pit. I really wished there was a fire right now because I was freezing. Oh yeah, she asked me something. When did I realize? When did I realize what?

"Realize what?" I scrunched my eyes in confusion.

"That the world didn't stop. That everything kept going and going, like nothing had ever happened."

As soon as she said it, I knew exactly what she meant. It felt like the biggest thing in my life had no impact on the world. She died, and I thought that was it. But slowly time passed, more and more, and suddenly, it's two months later and I'm living with my dad, going to some backwoods high school, with no friends and no future.

"About two days after the funeral. How did you do it? How did you get over it?"

"It's not something to get over." Leah moved closer and put her hand on top of mine, squeezing it lightly.

A part of me wanted to pull away, but another part, a more dominant part, wanted to know if she had the answers.

"You have to talk about it. That's what worked for me; to talk about him. It helps me remember him, so it feels like he's not really gone."

I felt my hand start to warm up and it was a nice feeling. I thought about my mom and remembered what she was like – her forgetfulness and bad jokes, the way she threw her head back when she laughed... I would never hear her laugh again. I bit my lip hard, as I felt tears start to creep up from inside me. I pulled away from Leah and shifted down the log a little.

I pushed my palms into my eyes rocking back and forth. I'm so fed up with myself. I just wanted to go back to normal. "How do you do it? I can't even let anyone touch me without feeling like I'm going to break down completely. It's like, if someone tries to hug me, I'll lose what little I have holding me together."

"You need to let it out." Leah stayed still and I was thankful she didn't try and touch me. "We better head back."

I rubbed my eyes hoping they didn't look red I didn't want to look like I had been crying. We walked painfully slow and I think Leah was doing it for my benefit so I could collect my thoughts. "Yeah, it's freezing. How can you wear shorts in this weather?" I asked, changing the conversation.

"You get used to it after a while," She half shrugged.

"Maybe you just have cold blood." I glanced to see her reaction, hiding the action with my hair.

She looked a little stunned and nudged my shoulder with hers. I'm not sure if it was supposed to hurt or not. I laughed as we walked back into the house and Charlie caught me and smiled.

"What are you two laughing about?" Charlie asked, as we took seats at the table. I took one next to Leah, as Charlie and Sue sat at the other side, Seth at the top.

"Bella said I have cold blood," Leah told and Charlie gave me an odd look. I think it was a, 'what did you say that for,' Kind of look.

"It's like the Antarctic outside and she didn't even shiver. I thought I was going to get frost bite and end up in the hospital with nine toes, never being able to wear flip flops again. Do you know how tragic that would be?" Everyone laughed, as I settled my rant.

"You're probably just too used to the Arizona weather," Charlie said, as we all started to eat.

"Yeah, maybe you just need someone to keep you warm," Leah whispered, so quietly I don't think anyone else heard it.

I checked the faces at the table and they all seemed to be normal. It's not like Leah just whispered something kind of flirty in my ear. Was she flirting? No, she's way out of my league and probably has a boyfriend or a girlfriend… or both; hell, I don't know.

I stole subtle glances at Leah all the way through dinner and she didn't seem to even notice or say anything else. Maybe it was just a joke.

After dinner, Seth asked me if I wanted to play video games. I agreed and we sat on the living room floor, playing some old wrestling game on his Nintendo. Sue and Charlie sat together on the couch and Leah sat in the armchair, reading a book, with her legs tucked underneath her. I kept getting pinned, so after five games, I gave up and just watched Seth beat the computer. I kept sneaking glances at Leah and I could tell she was watching me as well, our eyes catching a few times.

"Well, we better get going before it gets too dark. I don't like Bella driving that bike late at night."

I rolled my eyes at Charlie's worries. I had already survived one crash; I think I have some good karma coming to me. I picked myself up off the floor and my foot felt a little tingly as I did so.

"Hey, can I have your phone for a minute?" Leah asked me and I took my phone out of my pocket, handing it to her.

I think she was going to put her number in, but I'm never good at reading girls. Maybe she had to make some long distance calls to China.

"Here's my number. Call me if you ever want to, you know… talk." Leah handed me back my cell phone and I looked at the name _Leah Clearwater_. What a cool last name. There was an empty profile picture so I pressed on it and held the camera up to her face.

"Smile," I said, as I smiled automatically myself.

"No," Leah wined blocking her face. "My hair's a mess."

"Oh, stop being such a girl." I moved her arms quickly, trying to take a good picture and saved it along with her number.

I left before she could steal my phone and delete it. You'd think someone so beautiful wouldn't mind having her picture taken.

**A/N Thank you for reading:]**


	4. The Safe Bet

**A/N –Hi…I never know what to write in these things its sort of like an awards speech…I would like to thank the academy. Just kidding but if it were Beetlebum101 would be like my producer, director, agent all that stuff so thank you again for all your help and I can't forget you guys the readers without you none of this would be possible:] ok I'll shut up now.**

Taking large gulps of red bull, I tried to finish the can before I entered class. I had been debating all day whether I should go home and cancel my… I guess you would call it a meeting. Or maybe a date. But not, like, a _date_ date. I had been on a caffeine-induced alertness since yesterday. Mix that with lack of sleep and an already withering ability to hold myself together and, well, I was a ticking time bomb; just waiting for someone to piss me off.

I spotted Edward and took my seat, setting out my pen and notebook.

"Hello, Bella, how are you?" Edward asked, in his usual manner.

"Good, I guess." I opened my notebook, finishing a sketch of some cover art. I couldn't seem to get the image out of my brain. Well, it wasn't art, it was a photograph. The scribbling in my drawings looked horrible and crude in comparison.

"That's a great album." Edward craned his neck, talking over my shoulder.

"Do you like it? The Album, I mean." I stuttered out the last part.

"Yeah, I do. It's great. A little sad at parts, though."

Just like life, then. I closed my book as Mr. Banner arrived, quickly handing out orders. I collected the microscope, whilst Edward got some slides from Mr. Banner's desk.

"Okay, label and order the slides. You have fifteen minutes," he barked, narrowing his eyes on the class, whilst taking a seat at his desk.

Wow, this was like some speed, pop quiz or something. Edward didn't seem fazed at all, as he put in the first slide.

"I think it's anaphase. Do you want to check?" He offered me the microscope.

"Nah, I believe you."

For a jock, Edward was pretty smart. I overheard some girls in class whispering, saying they were jealous of me because I got to be his partner. I don't think that was because of his brains, mind you. I wished I could be more like Edward. Everything just seemed to come so easily to him; like he didn't even have to try. I looked at the perfect boy, in his white button up shirt, with the crisp collar and the arms, ever so neatly folded up past the elbows. Could I dislike him just because he seemed perfect? I inwardly laughed. All the girls were jealous of me and I was jealous of him._ Ironic_ I thought, as I noted down and labeled the slides. Edward put the next slide under the lens and it only took us about ten minutes to finish and label them all. Mr. Banner seemed to take the class slower after that, calling out a few students that hadn't labeled them properly. I tried to figure out how to sleep with my eyes open, but I don't think it worked. The dull thrum of the bell woke everyone from their boredom-induced haze and I wasn't the only one dragging my feet out of class.

"Swan."

I stopped in my tracks. Only one sort of teacher called everyone by their last name. Mr. Damon had a wide grin pulling on his lips. He clicked his pen, putting it back in his shirt pocket and continued to smile broadly.

"Yes, Coach Damon?"

"I wanted to ask if you've given anymore thought to joining the team. We have a meet coming up with our rivals and we could really use you," he grinned, showing his overtly shiny teeth.

"I've thought about it, but the answer is still no." I tried to be as nice as possible and I was worried about being late so I looked at my watch, tapping my foot edgily. I started to leave when I heard him speak. At first, I thought my mind had just imagined it, but then he said it again.

"I read your file," he smirked, like it was some sort of achievement. "It must have been hard, watching your mom die. What would she think of you wasting your talent like this?"

The first image that came into my mind was of my fist, hitting him square in the jaw, but I managed to control myself, settling for balling up my hand until I could feel my fingernails start to break the skin of my palm. I grinded my teeth together, barely opening my mouth to speak, "You don't know anything about my mom." My upper lip seemed to twitch, pulling back into a snarl.

"Oh, but I do. I know she was a swimmer, just like you. It's in your blood, Swan. You can't escape it." He narrowed his already beady eyes.

"James," Another teacher yelled in this direction and Mr. Damon turned to her.

"Yes, Miss MacFarlane," Mr. Damon answered and I took my moment to leave, as the principal took his attention.

I can't believe that creep read my file. What an asshole. If he thinks this is the way to get what he wants, then he's a bigger idiot than I thought. Exhaustion seemed to grip me as I finally made it to art class. I tossed my stuff on the desk, letting it clash against the tabletop, earning some curious and frightened stares. Why? Why couldn't I go just one day without wanting to rip my heart out of my chest? It's a useless thing anyway. I took my seat close to the back by the window. It was away from everyone and I was glad, as I sat with my head in my hands, willing myself not to cry.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Miss Henderson spoke, placing a warm hand on my back.

I hadn't noticed until I lifted my head, most of the class was looking over their shoulders, giving me a sad stare, until my eyes met theirs and they turned back. _I don't need their pity. Nosey, small town people, _I thought lowly. "I'm fine."

As the words left my mouth, a single drop of blood fell from the palm of my hand, landing with an inaudible splash. It almost seemed to happen in slow motion.

"You're bleeding," Miss Henderson said, pointing out the obvious. She tossed her long, mahogany hair behind her shoulder, kneeling, so we were eye to eye.

I looked at my right hand. It was still balled into a tight fist and I hadn't even realized, as I followed the trail of crimson down my palm, onto the table. I slowly pried open my hand. The tips of my fingernails were smeared with blood and I had three small, crescent shaped marks on my palm, only one of which had broken the skin, the others were just a sort of purple/reddish color. It didn't hurt; that fact seemed to amaze me, as I looked at it, yet couldn't feel it.

"Sorry," I said mindlessly, still staring into the palm of my hand and wiggling my fingers.

"Come on, we better get you cleaned up." Miss Henderson stood up, patting my back to get my attention. She motioned her head to the other room.

I followed her, cradling my hand, as we moved into the back room. I had never been in here. It wasn't very big. It looked like it was originally part of the other room, before someone had decided to put up some drywall. There were stacks of paper and paint… it was obviously used as some sort of storeroom. We walked to the back of the room and Miss Henderson proceeded to push up onto her tiptoes, stretching up to get something from the cluttered shelves. I realized she was wearing high heels, turning her five foot three frame slightly taller, but still not tall enough to reach the top shelf. Miss Henderson was one of the youngest teachers I had and she couldn't have been much older than twenty-six.

She seemed to get what she was searching for, as she brought down a medium sized green box with a sigh. "Damn I hate being so short," she said with a smile and a happy eye roll. She put the box on the old teacher's desk at the end of the room and I noticed the white cross on the top, labeling it obviously as a first aid box. She looked to me and patted the top of the desk. "Take a seat and I'll have a look at that hand."

I was weary but did what I was told; following orders seemed to be ingrained into me. I hopped up onto the desk, letting my legs swing in the space the chair would usually go. "Are you sure you're trained for this?" I asked, skeptically.

"Of course. I did some first aid training when I was becoming a teacher." She searched the box, raking through the contents and putting random objects on the desktop.

Why would anyone want to teach high school? My subconscious blurted out. I guess you get good vacation days and weekends off… "Why did you want to teach high school?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"I didn't actually want to teach high school," Miss Henderson spoke. "I wanted to be a famous artist, of course, but I knew that was unrealistic. So, I thought I could help young people find the same freedom and happiness that I found in art. Can I see your hand?"

Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the mention of her job and I knew it was true; that all this made her happy. The light brown swirls in her irises reminded me of my mother. They held a sort of natural comfort that put me at ease, as I held out my bloody hand. Most of the blood had dried and you could make out all the lines in my palm. Taking some sort of alcohol wipe, she moved it across my palm and it stung like a bitch. My whole arm seemed to turn pink, as I gritted my teeth.

"Sorry, don't want it to get infected. There's a lot of bacteria under fingernails." She held my palm upwards, as I fought the urge to pull it back. "What did you do anyway? Must have been really angry at something to do this much damage. It seemed like you didn't even notice either." She eyed me cautiously, with a curve in her tailored brow.

"Some people…" I spoke and then realized I shouldn't have. I stayed quiet, wishing I hadn't said anything.

She cleaned the blood, putting something over the wound and then opening a bandage. I knew she could sense the awkward silence, but I didn't care. "You should give people a chance. They might surprise you. You know, you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger," she smiled.

"Why is that?"

She held the bandage, rolling it tightly over my palm. "I was a bit of a loner, too."

I wasn't a loner. Well, maybe I was, but I didn't feel like a loner. "I like being alone."

"I know, it's a choice, but it's okay to let people get under your skin. It's not a weakness."

I don't know why but as soon as she said 'people,' my mind seemed to jump to a certain raven-haired, pixie girl. I ignored the thought, focusing back on my hand, which was now cleanly bandaged.

"There you go," She smiled proudly. "You've got to look after the money makers." She wiggled her fingers, with a girlish giggle.

"Thank you," I whispered, as she moved to pack up the first aid box.

I noticed a painting leaning against a shelf. It was pretty big and of a circular meadow with wild flowers. The paint was thick and you could almost feel the texture; the swirls of green and the dots of different purples and yellows. I instinctively tilted my head to view it from a different angle; to see it again but in a different way, enthralled me. In the corner, infinitesimal but still visible, was a name _Chelsea Henderson_. Henderson… the name seemed to click in my head.

"Is this yours?" I pointed to the painting. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you," she replied, delighted. "Afton doesn't like me keeping them at the house. Well, there are a lot of them and I was running out of space," she laughed. "My house looks more and more like a gallery every day. I don't know how he puts up with me." Her eyes seemed distant, as she sighed contently at the thought of her boyfriend.

We were about to go back into the class but just when she put her hand on the door handle, she seemed to stop, turning to me. "Remember, Bella, anger doesn't last forever. If you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open."

I took my seat, continuing work from yesterday, as Miss Henderson gave her attention to the rest of the class, having had me take up most of it. Walking around the desks, she looked at people's work, praising some and helping others. The bell rang and I gathered my things, tossing them in my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.

I was lost in a thought, thinking about that painting and what Miss Henderson had said about my anger. Maybe it wouldn't just go away like I had hoped. Maybe I needed to try to work at it. I didn't see Alice until she was right in front of me; I had almost knocked her over. I stumbled slightly, my shoes squeaking against the ground, as I tried to stop myself from falling. I took a step back, happy I had managed to stay upright, as I adjusted my backpack.

"Hey, I thought I'd wait for you after class, since you're giving me a ride and all." Alice seemed to bounce up to me, almost from out of nowhere.

"How did you know what class I was in?" I questioned.

"I have my ways," Alice said, ominously. "That, and Rosalie told me."

Rosalie exited the same classroom I had just walked out of and seemed to give me a glare as she did so. What did I ever do to her? I didn't even notice she was in this class.

I should just make up an excuse. What could be a good excuse? I don't have a social life. "Alice, look… I… uh…"

I couldn't think of _anything_. What a great time to crap out on me, crappy useless brain.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

I stayed quiet as we walked to my locker and I tried not to make eye contact. Maybe she would just get bored with me and leave. I placed my biology textbook inside, flicking it closed quickly and continuing down the hall. Some people seemed to hit me as they passed in a hurry, desperate to get out of this place, and I couldn't blame them. As we hit the parking lot, I could see Alice's eyes searching for something.

"Where's your bike?"

"At home," I answered, as I continued walking.

"Why did you walk when you have a bike?" Alice questioned. I almost forgot how much she likes questions.

"Because I don't have two helmets and Charlie would have a fit if he found out I rode it without one." Charlie wasn't one to yell but when he did, it was actually scary.

"Oh. So you walked here this morning in the cold and the rain because of me?" Alice pointed in on herself. I honestly hadn't given it that much thought.

"It's not that far."

"What happened to your hand?" Alice drew attention to the clean white cotton bandage around my right hand.

"Nothing," I muttered pulling my hand up the sleeve of my leather jacket so it was no longer visible. We hit the street and cars started to pass us; a silver Volvo, in particular, honked. Alice waved high over her head as they sped away.

"You have good friends," I noted out loud.

"Yeah, they're alright," Alice laughed. "What about you? Do you miss your friends from Phoenix?"

"No, not really. We were friends out of convenience, more than anything else." I heard my own words, played back in my mind, and I didn't realize how sad they sounded until after I had said them.

"How did that work?" Alice asked one side of her lips curving in confusion.

"Like I said: convenience. We were all team mates, ran in the same circles, went to the same school... Other than that..." I just shrugged, hoping that was a sufficient answer.

"So, why did you move here?"

I stopped walking for a second, remembering exactly why I moved here, but then continued on, trying to play it off as nothing. "See this profile we have to write? Can't you just make it up or something? Save us both some time. I'll tell Miss Jacobs whatever you write is true."

Alice huffed quietly. I could only tell because of the small puff of air that emerged from her from her mouth, frosting in the cold air.

"Why… why don't you want to talk about _anything_? What are you guarding so badly?"

"Why is it always questions with you? I've gotten nothing but questions since I got here. I just want to be left alone, but since that doesn't seem possible, I'm trying my best, okay?" I took a deep breath. I didn't want to get into an argument, but Alice just seemed to have a knack for getting under my skin.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I could hardly hear her.

"I said, I'm sorry. You're right. Why don't you ask me some questions and I'll answer them as truthfully as I can."

I thought about it. If I didn't have to answer any questions, it seemed fine by me.

"Okay, favorite color?"

"Blue. Come on, ask better questions than that."

I tried to think, now taking it as a challenge. "What's your favorite movie?"

"_Cruel Intentions._"

"Do you have any pets?"

"No, but I've always wanted a dog."

We reached my house before I knew it and I continued to ask questions, as we got seated on the couch. "What's your favorite… hobby?"

"Swimming," Alice said, with glee.

"Why?" I questioned quickly.

I don't know what I was expecting her to say. Maybe the thrill or the water, who knows? She took a moment, biting her bottom lip, drawing it back into her mouth.

"I like the not knowing. Like, when you're in a race and there's that split second when you pull yourself up and you don't know if you've won or lost. It's just you and the water," Alice spoke dreamily, her eyes glazed.

I had never thought about that. I guess it was true. I couldn't think of any more questions; my mind seemed blank for once. "I… uh… wait, I'm thinking."

"Come on, just pretend like it's a first date. What would you ask me?"

Ha! A date. Not that I would mind, but I don't think her boyfriend would like it. "As intriguing as that sounds, how would your boyfriend feel about that?"

"How did you know I have a boyfriend?" Alice shifted slightly, moving her leg up on the couch to face me. She seemed to be surprised that I knew anything.

"It's not too hard to figure out. How long have you two been together?"

"Not long. Three weeks. But we've been friends for a long time, almost our whole lives." Alice seemed a little upset. I don't know how, I just felt a shift, like she was uncomfortable about something.

"And does being friends make it easier or harder?"

Alice didn't answer right away and I told her she didn't need to tell me if she didn't want to. I wasn't trying to hold any double standard.

"I don't know," Alice said and I could tell she was having an internal argument, as she squinted her eyes and shook her head slightly.

"Don't know what?"

"If I should tell you."

"Well, you know I won't tell anyone else. I don't do that. What's said on the couch stays on the couch."

Alice laughed at my lameness; it was always good to see her laugh. I don't know why. I mean, she always seemed happy but this seemed like a real laugh. An honest laugh. I wish I could be like that sometimes.

"It's just… he's a great guy and he's always been there. We've been friends for, like, forever. But I just don't think I feel the same as he does. He's always been really sweet and caring but other than that… I've always thought a relationship should be passionate. Am I just wanting something that doesn't exist?"

Wow, she's obviously given this some thought. I don't want to give the wrong advice. Hell, I shouldn't even be giving advice about relationships at all; I've never even had a real one. "I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'm not really good at the advice stuff." Why couldn't school teach us useful things, like how to deal with life and emotions? No, apparently that's not useful, compared to figuring out how long the side of a triangle is. It seems like she wants love. Jasper gives her comfort, though and what's wrong with that? "It sounds like Jasper's a safe bet."

"Yeah, he's a good guy. I'm lucky." Alice put her palms on her knees and I felt a little bad for bringing all this up.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked, pointing into the kitchen.

"Sure."

I hopped off the couch and eventually came back through with two Mountain Dews. "I hope Mountain Dew is okay. It's my favorite. You can put that in your essay." I smiled as I took a swig. "So, does Miss Jacobs do this project every year?"

"Yeah she does. She gave me a list of questions, but they're all stupid."

"Okay, back to work. What is your biggest fear?" I lowered my voice for dramatic intention as I asked.

"I've always had a fear of getting lost." Alice spoke seriously.

"Really?" I couldn't imagine that.

"What? It's a real fear, living surrounded by woods. It's not like I have a fear of something stupid, like the number five or the letter 'y' or gravity."

A fear of gravity, how would that work? "Well, I don't know about you, but I try to avoid gravity at all costs."

"Me too," Alice said in a gasp and I had to laugh.

It felt good to talk to Alice. Then I remembered that I hadn't thought about my mom in a while and I felt a sort of guilt creep up. Our laughing died down and we were both silent, but it wasn't awkward.

"What's one thing you want to do before you die?" I cradled my drink in my hand, speaking slowly, as I thought about my own answer to that question. I had no idea what I wanted to do.

"I would like to go to the Olympics and win, but going would be a victory in of itself."

"What is your re-lay position?" I asked, wondering how fast she was. I was always the anchor because I was the fastest.

"Anchor," Alice said shyly and I wondered why.

"So, you're fast?" I asked, with a raised eyebrow. I had to wonder if she could beat me.

"You have no idea." Alice said, with a cocky lean forward.

"What's the deal with Coach Damon? He's been really bugging me about joining the team, but I keep telling him no. He just doesn't seem to get it." I leaned forward on the couch, almost on the edge, glancing back at Alice, periodically.

"He's intense." Alice shook her head in agreement as she spoke. "He can be scary. I wouldn't want to be on his bad side, but I'm sure he'll take the hint eventually. I mean, he can't make you join. Although, I wish you _would_ re-consider... but, maybe it's better if you don't," Alice smiled playfully. "I'm really hoping to get captain this year. It'll really help for college applications and I've been on the team for three years now. I just really hope I get picked."

"I'm not going to re-consider. I've made up my mind; I want to try other things. Every part of my life has been planned out. I've been competing since I was old enough to swim without floaties. I was meant to go to the right school, with the best coach and then the Olympics would get me a scholarship into any college in the country. I practically had to schedule time to breathe."

I took a breath and I felt relaxed. I could make my own choices now. I could breathe. I closed my eyes letting the cold, Forks air fill my lungs. I could breathe.

"You know, that's the first real thing you've told me? It wasn't that hard was it?" Alice seemed rather proud of herself and I didn't even realize what I had done. I just wanted her to understand. I needed someone to understand.

"Was it what you were expecting?" I asked, letting my head hang.

"No… but I'm glad you told me. So, what do you want to do now that you can… breathe?"

"I want to do nothing. I want to spend time figuring out what makes me happy and follow that. I've always liked to draw, but enough about me." I waved it off. I didn't want to talk about me.

Alice's phone buzzed and she answered with a chirpy hello. I could only hear her side of the conversation and It was mostly 'yes' and 'no.' She eventually huffed out a goodbye.

"That was my mom. She wants me home for dinner. She's coming to pick me up in ten minutes. I so hate not having my own car."

"Okay. I have to cook for Charlie and me anyway. Maybe you can stay for dinner next time?"

"Sure, I would like that."

"So, when should we get the rest of this project done?"

"Well, I have practice and on the weekends I teach a children's swim class at the school. You can hang out with me then, if you want."

"Sure, that sounds cool."

I thought I heard a car outside, followed by a short, sharp honk and I surmised that it must have been Alice's mom. I walked Alice to the door and she stopped, looking at me up and down. I moved across her to open the door and was caught off guard when she launched into a hug. I wasn't ready for it, but still acknowledged the softness of her embrace as she threaded her arms around my waist. The scent of something floral seemed to fill the air. I froze. My hand gripped on the door handle, as a warm feeling seemed to fill my chest and I relaxed. Feeling Alice let go, I finally opened the door.

"Bye, Bella." Alice waved, as she got in the car.

"Bye," I said into the cold air. I leaned against the door, watching as the car backed away and continued down the road, until the trees obscured it. The cold air was invigorating, but it didn't seem to do anything about the warm feeling in my heart.

**A/N Thank you for reading. If you have any thoughts about the story at all**

**I would love to read them in a review.**


	5. Looking Back

**A/N Thanks to all the people who alerted and reviewed this story so far you guys are the best. Also to Beetlebum101 can't thank you enough for all your help:]**

Flume 5 - Looking back

I followed the smell of chlorine into the old gym building. Alice told me her class started at ten, but I was a running a little late. The halls were empty and it was a very different feeling being here on a weekend. It was quiet; peaceful almost. I heard laughs and screams and I knew I was close. I bypassed the locker rooms, opening the door to the pool. I hadn't even seen a pool since the last time I collected my stuff out of my old locker...

**Flash back **

_I stuffed the contents of my locker deep into my backpack, with a huff. A picture of us at nationals last year hung next to a small mirror and it was surrounded by words like, 'champion' and 'commitment.' They were reminder; reminders, meant to keep me focused, but now felt like bleach seeping into my brain. I tore out the picture, crumpling it up in my palm. I could feel the jagged edges bend under the force of my grasp. _

"_Why are you taking all your stuff? Where are you going?" Emma asked me, with those doe eyes she has. _

"_I'm leaving. I'm going to live with my dad in Washington." I closed the locker placing my hand against the cold, blue metal. I tried to not think about saying my goodbyes._

"_When were you going to tell us?" Emma's voice got defensive and she crossed her arms over her chest._

"_When were you going to ask?" I shot back. Emma gave me a sad look and I could feel that she was sorry; or maybe just sorry _for_ me. _

"_I thought you needed space. You haven't been around. You haven't been to practise in two weeks."_

"_Who gives a shit about practise; about school, about any of that stupid shit? Am I meant to care about that stuff? I have bigger problems right now." I could feel my lip start to tremble, as Emma took a few tentative steps, getting closer and closer to me. _

"_I'm sorry. I should have been there." _

"_You're sorry? You're sorry? Well, I hope that makes you feel better 'cause it does nothing for me." I looked at Emma and I knew there was no emotion on my face. I felt so bad about what I just said, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from saying it. _

"_I know. I have no idea what you're going through, but if you let me–"_

"_That's right you __**don't**__ know," I cut her off, without saying anything else and left. _

**Xxx**

I had apologized to Emma since that day but it just reminded me so much of Alice and how I kept pushing people way. Maybe I should call Leah; she might know what to do. She will probably tell me to just talk about it. It's not like I haven't tried to talk about it, it's just that every time I do, the words keep getting caught in my throat and it feels like I'm choking.

I could hear splashing, as I saw the rippling in the water, with some kids shouting Marco, Polo. I waved to Alice, seeing her in the water. I took a seat on the bleachers, noticing the female coach give me a funny look, before going back to teaching the class. Alice swam over to the ledge and I got up, being careful not to slip on the wet tile.

"Hey, you're late."

"Sorry, I thought we would be going somewhere after?" I asked confused.

"I thought you could help me teach." Alice looked up at me, her wet hair slicked back. She looked amazing but I shook that thought away, quickly.

"I didn't bring a swim suit," I made a quick excuse.

"That's okay, maybe next time." Alice pushed off from the wall, floating on her back, giving me a view of her toned legs and you could definitely see she had the perfect swimmer's body.

"Uh… it doesn't look like you need much help," I pointed out, as I looked at the kids that seemed to be just fine on their own. They were all about ten or twelve and none seemed to be struggling.

"Yeah, it's more of a water based day care, but it pay's okay."

She gets paid for this? It couldn't be much, but maybe she just likes kids. The female coach blew the whistle, taking our attention as she called the kids out of the pool. Most left but there were a few who were reluctant to leave.

"Justin, Matthew. You heard Mrs. Hill, out of the pool," Alice tried to speak like a teacher, but it was difficult to take seriously.

They ignored her and continued to play around. She told them again, but still nothing. If I was their age, I would find it hard to take instructions from a girl the looked like tinker bell, too.

"Boys, you heard Alice. Out of the pool… now." I looked at them, daring them to ignore me, but they didn't, leaving Alice and I alone at the now empty pool.

"How did you do that? They never listen to me."

I took a seat at the edge of the pool, taking my shoes off and rolling up the bottom of my jeans.

"That's because you're not scary." I huffed a laugh at her shocked expression.

The water was warm and it felt good against my feet as I stretched my toes, Alice swimming closer to me.

"Oh, and you are?" Alice asked, with a perfectly raised eyebrow.

"What, you don't find me scary?" I asked with false shock.

"Nope."

I looked at the rippling water, trying to find my own reflection but I couldn't. It was just a kind of pink haze in the water. I wonder what she did think of me. Do I really want to find out? "So what _do_ you find me?" I asked, looking her in the eye for just a moment, before she disappeared under the water.

She couldn't hold her breath that long; she would have to answer my question sometime. Seconds passed; then it turned into minutes, before I saw her silhouette moving beneath the water. I felt her hand on my foot and I knew what she was going to do. There was no time to save myself, it all happened so fast. She grabbed onto my ankle and I felt my body being immersed in water, as she pulled me under.

Why the fuck would she pull me into the water? Now I'm soaked and have no other clothes with me. I broke the surface, spitting out the foul tasting water and I could hear Alice's bell like laughter behind me. I pushed my wet hair behind my ear, swimming in a small circle. I could feel the weight of my clothes dragging me down.

"Alice! Why did you do that?" I spat, kicking my feet hard against the water. She seemed so at ease and I was drowning.

"You need to learn to lighten up once and a while. You only get one life, might as well enjoy it," Alice spoke slowly, like she was trying to get the information through my thick skull.

I swam to the edge to help keep myself afloat. Alice chased after me and I think she thought I was annoyed at her. She muttered a 'sorry' under her breath and insisted that she was being stupid. I wasn't annoyed at her. I was annoyed at me for just… well, being me. My breaths became heavy and I wanted to tell her something true. I needed to tell someone. I felt the words hang on the back of my tongue and I couldn't; I just couldn't do it. It felt like, if I said it out loud, then there was no taking it back. That's it. It's real.

I pulled myself out of the pool, collapsing on the edge, as the water seeped out of my clothes and onto the pristine, tiled floor. Alice came to sit by my side and we were sitting so close, the whole side of our bodies seemed glued together.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be giving you advice. You're obviously struggling with something and it's none of my business. I'm sorry."

Alice talked at warp speed her hands cutting, tumbling through the air as she talked and I could hardly make it out, but I got the gist.

"No," I cut her off. "I'm sorry. The reason I moved here… the reason I moved..." I cast my eyes to the ground. I tried to speak, but it was getting trapped and all that came out was a strangled sob. "The reason I moved here is because I was in a car crash. It was my fault. I was in the back and she was in the front and I was complaining about something. We were arguing and it was raining. She turned around to look at me and we hit a puddle and got caught in a drift. She tried to break, but it was too late." The last thing I remembered was the look of terror in her eyes. "If I didn't distract her, she would have seen the puddle, the car wouldn't have lost traction and my mom would still be alive."

I couldn't move; not even my eyes, as I felt the same fear I did that day. If I sat in the front seat, like I usually did, I would be dead now too. I was angry at her and I didn't want to be near her. She died thinking I hated her. I should have died too. I felt two hands on my face and I was brought out of my thoughts. Alice moved my face to meet hers but I couldn't look at her. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the warm feeling that seemed to come with it, because surly she had to leave sometime. Alice pulled me into a hug, this time with force. I could feel her push her palms into my shoulders, as I hid my face in her neck. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't seem to stop it coming. Alice held me as I trembled and wept into her already wet body.

"It's not your fault," Alice whispered in my ear, over and over, but it didn't take the dark feeling away.

"I should have died," I sobbed.

Alice tightened her grip, muttering, "No, no." I could feel her face in my hair. "Don't say that. We need you. I need you."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear the last part and I pulled back, blinking the leftover tears from my eyes. She didn't look at me, but she seemed slightly red, like she was embarrassed. I wanted to kiss her right then; more than I think I've ever wanted anything in my life. I could feel my dazed mind moving me forward, leaning in slowly. My lips touched hers and she seemed to respond to my advances. My hand went to her side, pulling her closer to me. I could taste the warm water on her lips and it had never tasted better. She moaned into my mouth, moving her hand to my face and setting my mind on fire, as it began to yell, 'She has a boyfriend!' and I stopped myself. The silence seemed heavy as we broke apart, both gasping for breath and slowly, I felt my brain return function to the rest of my body. I looked from her lips to her eyes and she seemed as confused as me. Beads of water dripped from her little spikes of hair, flowing around her eyes onto her cheek and I couldn't help moving my thumb to brush it away, like an artificial tear.

We both seemed to pull back from the intimate position we had found ourselves in, at the same time. Reluctantly moving to my feet, my wet clothes clung to my body and my jeans were beginning to get uncomfortable. Alice just laughed at me from her spot on the floor and I knew I must have looked a wreck.

"Is this funny to you?" I gestured to my white t-shirt, which I only now realized was see through. At least I was wearing a bra. "What am I going to do? I don't have any other clothes. I can't drive my bike back like this, I'll freeze."

"Come on." Alice got up and grabbed my hand, leading me to the locker rooms. I knew where they were so I don't know why she was holding my hand, but I wasn't going to complain. Alice let go of my hand and opened her locker, handing me a towel and a shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"I always have extras, just in case."

Makes me think she almost planned this. I took the clothes and moved away to change, feeling suddenly self-conscious. I picked up the navy shirt, checking the size was right. We were almost the same size, Alice being a little shorter than me. I turned the shirt to see it had 'Brandon' imprinted on the back. This must be her swim meet shirt. I changed quickly, trying to dry off as much as possible. Alice went to the showers and I could hear the running water. I decided to wait outside, as thoughts of Alice in the shower started to creep into my mind. The hall was empty as I suspected and I only waited for about ten minutes before Alice was ready. I wondered if she would bring up what I told her, or that kiss, as we walked to the parking lot. I don't think she'll tell anyone. "You won't tell anyone about what I told you?" I asked, as more of a question than a statement.

"You can trust me. I won't tell anyone."

We reached my bike and there was a sort of awkward, 'what do I do now?' feeling, as my brain decided to take over and speak for me. "Do you want a ride?"

"Sure, but I thought…"

Alice led off, as I pushed my helmet into her hands. "Just don't tell my dad, okay?"

I tried to focus on my breathing as Alice got settled behind me, wrapping her arms low around my waist. As I started the bike, I could hear Alice take a surprised gasp. Alice spoke the directions in my ear as I drove and she kept accidently brushing her lips against my ear, driving me crazy, as I tried to focus on the road. It was only a ten-minute drive before I came to a slow stop in front of her house. It was small and looked the same as Charlie's, except it had white shutters on the windows.

"Do you want to come in? My mom and dad are both working. I was just gonna watch some TV."

"Sure," I said, kicking out the bike stand. "So, what do your mom and dad do?"

"My mom's a teacher and my dad works in construction."

Alice kicked off her shoes as I continued to follow her, casually looking over the house. Charlie's house was a bit of a bachelor pad; a big TV and a comfy couch were the main worries. Alice's house, on the other hand, had knick-knacks and decorative pillows. We watched TV for a while and did nothing.

I couldn't focus on the TV. Noises and colors seemed to swirl past, but all I could think about were the things I said and how much I had said. Would Alice tell her friends about this, all of them having a good laugh between themselves at how pathetic I am? I risked a glance out of the corner of my eye and Alice seemed relaxed. She didn't seem like she was plotting my demise. She pulled up her legs, tucking them underneath her. I should leave now. I shouldn't be here. The pillows and the warmth and Alice... it was just too much. I didn't know what to do. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have kissed her. I should have just kept it inside.

"I… I need to go," I managed to stutter out, as I made a break for the door. I was half way across the room before Alice had even noticed.

I tried in vain to open the door, turning the handle in every possible direction but it wouldn't budge. I was trapped. I pulled the handle hard, actually trying to pull it off its hinges just so I could get out. I must have looked like a frantic mess, but I needed out. The room seemed to just get smaller and smaller and I didn't want to look back in case it had shrunk again. I closed my eyes, pulling once more, but it wasn't working. My chest felt constricted, like someone had reached inside and wrapped their fingers around my heart and just kept squeezing.

"It's okay," Alice repeated, putting her hand on my shoulder, brushing her thumb over my shoulder blade.

I relaxed my hand and stopped trying to break down the door. Alice moved to unlock it and pushed the door open. Past the porch, it seemed a storm had come. It was a blizzard of rain and the trees fought against the wind. It would be easier for them to just go with the wind, but they stand still. I took a step outside and I felt free again. The tightness that had grown in my chest was gone. Alice stood in the doorway, just staring at me, her gaze moving periodically from my head to my feet and back again, until they finally rested on my eyes.

Her eyes, the color of hard ice, seemed to be filled with concern. Concern for _me_; someone who had been rude to her, had been a jerk to her, had ignored and upset her. Why was she concerned for me? I stumbled a few steps back, edging towards the rain. She moved to take a step forward but I shot out my hand, motioning for her to stop. 'No' my head seemed to shake, from side to side, 'don't come any closer'.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked and the worry in her tone was frightening. She wanted an answer. What could I say? 'I like you and that scared me because it's wasted on me. I'm nothing, I'm nowhere, I have five dollars to my name and someone else's dream. I already let one person down I can't do it again'?

"Don't care… just, please don't care." My head was still shaking 'no' as I moved backwards, the rain hitting my already damp hair. It was cold and fierce and just what I deserved. I couldn't look back. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself see the disappointment in her Crayola eyes.

**A/N Thank you for reading**


	6. Do Not Pass Go

**A/N thank you to everyone who's still reading the story and especially those who take the time to leave their thoughts in reviews I hope you're enjoying it so far and as always thank you to my fairy grammar mother Beetlebum101:}**

I succumbed to the exhaustion, eventually; all the caffeine in the world could only keep me awake for so long. I woke up at the bottom of the bed. I have no idea how – this wasn't my normal sleeping position. The alarm continued to blare an obnoxious tone, but I was just amazed that I had slept through the night. Kicking the alarm off the table seemed to shut it up and I let my head sink back into the mattress, giving myself five more minutes.

I would have to see Alice today.

Maybe I could just stay here and I wouldn't need to see _anyone_. I closed my eyes, trying to expel her image from my mind, but when I closed them, all I could see was rain.

It was only an attraction; it wasn't anything deeper than that. I mean, I don't even know her. _Yes, you do, _my subconscious seemed to answer back. "Ugh," I grumbled out loud, pulling the covers over me, hoping to create some sort of protective cocoon.

"Why brain? Why must you hate me so?" I mumbled into the comforter.

"Who are you talking to?" A gruff voice seemed to enter the room and the shuffling of boots could be heard along the floor.

I slowly dropped the comforter and Charlie raised an eyebrow. I couldn't help but wonder what he must be thinking. "Myself." My stupid, stupid self.

"Well… don't make it a habit." Charlie seemed to smirk and I think it was his attempt at a joke.

"Good one, dad," I spoke, trying to refrain from rolling my eyes as I got up.

Charlie's smile seemed to get bigger. Maybe he thought it was hilarious or something. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, looking over at my closet. I needed to get ready. "Um, I have to get ready for school," I said awkwardly, as Charlie looked at his shoes, mumbled 'yeah' and then left. Poor Charlie. He still wasn't used to living with a teenage girl. I think the whole conversation he had with me about 'lady products' was proof of that. A shiver ran down my spine just at the memory.

Hopping up, I went to the closet first. Opening the door, I saw little, black tally marks on the inside. I had drawn one for each day I had been stuck in this town, until yesterday. Grabbing the nearby Sharpie, I bit the lid off, holding it in my mouth as I marked two more lines. My life was starting to feel like one of those bad prison movies. I lifted out the first clothes my hands came in contact with, tossing them onto the disheveled bed. I had to use my elbow to close the old door, until I heard it click.

My eyes caught a blur of navy and I moved over to the desk, picking up the discarded shirt. It was still a little wet from the rain. I brought the article of clothing to my nose, inhaling the scent, but it just smelled like rain. I would have to give it back eventually, but not today. I laid the shirt against my chest and folded it neatly, spending far too much time doing so. As I put it back on the desk, I couldn't seem to take my eyes off it. I brushed my fingers over the fabric. It was cheap and coarse; nothing like Alice herself. She was always soft and warm. Nothing ever seemed cheap about her.

The sound of the front door slamming broke my thoughts and if Charlie had just left, that meant I was late. I got dressed in a haze, grabbing an apple to put in my bag as I scurried out the door, almost forgetting my helmet in the process. Charlie wouldn't like that.

I made it to the parking lot, with five minutes to spare. I almost wondered what I was so worried about. I parked as far away from the bright, cherry red car as I could, positioning myself at the other side of the lot. Inadvertently, I seemed to have given myself the perfect vantage point. Jasper was holding an umbrella over both Alice and himself as it began to rain. It was only a drizzle but I still put up my hood. I leaned on the seat of my bike, trying not to look solely at them.

Mike's group seemed to hide from the rain inside his van. They all seemed happy; smiling as Tyler threw some sort of candy at Lauren. Despite my best efforts, my gaze seemed to drift back to the cherry red car. I hadn't really looked at Jasper before, or the way he acted around Alice. He seemed to orbit her – always moving when she moved, always touching some part of her. Her shoulder, her arm… her hand. He seemed happy, even in this weather, at school, in the early hours of the morning. It must be the dullest thing in the world, but he seemed effortlessly happy.

Alice made him happy. You could see it when he looked down at her, the height difference almost comical, but he looked at her with such admiration. His smile reached his eyes as he leaned his head back and laughed at whatever she had said. He would be good to her; you could see it in the way his arm wound around her waist, as they leaned back onto the hood of the car. You could practically see their future: their beautiful house, with the beautiful yard and two point five beautiful kids. I felt a pang of guilt. I should have never kissed Alice. I was just going to mess everything up.

The bell rang, signaling first period, and all the little cliques and groups broke apart to go to their respective classes. For me, History was first on the agenda. As I walked to class, Angela seemed to fall into step beside me. I had to give it to these small town people: they don't give up easily.

"Good morning."

I fail to see what's so good about it… "Morning."

We walked silently into class and it felt like she wanted to ask me something. I just got that feeling from her. She kept glancing at me and seemed to turn to me at awkward moments, before brushing it off.

"Angela, do you have something you want to ask me?" I cradled my head in my hands, wondering why I had even bothered opening my mouth.

"Yeah, well… I, uh... was wondering if I could do a piece on you for the school paper?"

Why would she want to do a piece on me? What had she heard? "Why? What about?" I tried to keep my voice indifferent, but I spoke to quickly and it seemed slightly frantic.

"Well, I did some research and..."

Wait she had researched me? I tuned out the rest of what she had said, as the words seemed to tumble about in my brain.

"It seemed really interesting, the whole swim thing."

"What gives you the right to go delving into my life?" I couldn't believe it. In the short time I had been here, I thought Angela was nice and quiet, but here she was, just like everybody else.

Angela seemed shocked, opening and closing her mouth and pushing her thin, plastic frames back up her nose. "I… didn't… I'm sorry."

Fuck. Here I was again, defending myself from nothing. I sighed, turning to face the front of the room. "It doesn't matter. Just, please, don't write about me."

"You got it, No story. We'll just run another article on teen drinking."

"Thanks." I tried to smile at her, but it came out lopsided and halfhearted.

I roamed the halls after the bell rang, signaling the start of second period. The sound of monotonous footsteps seemed to be getting louder and louder and closer and closer. Panicking slightly, I ducked out the closest exit.

You'd think after thousands of years, they would have been able to breed out the self-preservation instinct, but I still ran when I got scared. I still avoided Alice, knowing she knew too much about me. That frightened me, because she _saw_ me. The real me. I thought about giving Leah a call. Maybe she would be able to help me out. I mindlessly roamed the grounds, flipping my phone open and closed, contemplating giving her a call… but she would probably be in class. Like I should be.

"Swan!"

My shoulders seemed to freeze, shooting upwards to my ears, as his brash voice screeched my name. I turned, letting my shoulders relax. Coach Damon seemed to shine, his white teeth reminding me of shark week on the Discovery Channel. The type of shark that would eat smaller, weaker sharks.

"What are you doing out of class? Never mind, come with me. I wanted to speak to you."

I followed Coach Damon into the gym building. We cut through a gym class and made our way into the back room, which seemed to have been converted into offices. There was a calendar that had swimsuit models on it and Post-It notes seemed to be stuck on every available space around the ancient computer – reminders of random events, a meeting on Tuesday, lunch with Vicky on Saturday... Little red lights blinked on the phone, showing he had new voicemails. He motioned for me to sit and I took a seat, hugging my arms around my torso tightly. This room could give the Antarctic a run for its money.

"Look, I know you've been taking a break and finding yourself, blah, blah, blah," he waved his arms, smiling. "But let me level with you. I've seen you in gym class and you're like a fish out of water!" He slammed his hand on the desk, making me jump, as he laughed loudly at his own joke. "So let me make you a deal… you join the team and you won't have to come to another gym class all year. I'll mark you present, and you can do whatever you want. How about it?" Coach Damon perched himself on the desk, staring down at me. I had the fleeting feeling of being so small, until I reminded myself of what he had just said.

He just bribed me with a get-out-of-gym-free card. Tempting as it was, it was also pathetic. I huffed a laugh. "Coach, the answer is still no. So, if you'll excuse me." I lifted myself from the chair but before I could flee, he leaned in, grabbing my wrist. My eyes locked with his and I instinctively tried to pull out of his grasp. I didn't like him touching me and my whole arm suddenly felt dirty, as he got far too close for comfort. He pressed his fingers into my skin. I felt them on the bone, as he added more pressure and I tried not to flinch. I didn't want him so see me flinch. I could smell his disgusting breath as he spoke and I wanted to tear off my arm, rather than be in is presence a second longer.

"You _will_ give me what I want eventually. Why don't you just save us both the trouble?" He leaned back, letting go of my arm and his demeanor suddenly changed from psycho, back to the normal creepiness. He threw his arms up, flashing that toothy grin, like everything was fine and dandy.

I rubbed my wrist where he had touched me and left without saying a word. He would be getting nothing. I wouldn't give that psycho anything. How the hell did he even get to be a teacher?

I couldn't help muttering to myself, as I made my way to third period. I should have just gone home but what would be the point? I didn't have anything there either.

"Hey, did you finish all the homework?" Emmett asked me in a whisper, as I pulled out the sheet from last night and showed him my answers. "Thanks."

He took the sheet, filling in some answers he had been having trouble with and I didn't mind. He furiously scribbled, the pen almost breaking through the table with the force Emmett constantly (and unknowingly) seemed to use. I almost felt bad for the small writing utensil. Mr. Mason had us watching some documentary. I think it was in French. I couldn't focus my mind enough to read the subtitles. It seemed to be raining again; a constant presence in this place. The drops raced down the windowpane, creating long lines that eventually intersected, as the gentle breeze seemed to move them, without their permission.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't plan on skipping two classes. But after my run in with Coach Damon, I thought it would be best. The library seemed like a good enough hiding place, any passing teacher would probably just think I had a free study period. The library for Forks High was small; the whole place only had about six stacks, a small reading area and another room off to the side, which seemed to house computers as old as me.

I always loved the smell of libraries. It reminded me of so many summers I spent in the library, just to escape the heat. I never did take the heat too well. The classics section was always my favorite. There was nothing I enjoyed more than just getting lost in some tall tale or misbegotten adventure. The spines seemed worn. Some so much so, that you couldn't even read the name of the book itself. I found a curious title I hadn't seen in years. Sitting in the empty aisle, the books seemed to cushion my back, as I read through the faintly familiar words.

I lost myself in another world until the bell rang. I clambered to my feet and checked out the book I wanted to finish at home. It always seemed so much easier, seeing someone else's world from the outside in, I thought.

Xxx

The little coffee shop seemed to bustle as I approached an empty table, steadying my drink before I took a seat. I checked my phone and Leah still hadn't texted me back. It was her idea to meet in Port Angeles and although this place wasn't as big as Seattle, it still felt foreign to me. I didn't know any of the street names but I had been to this coffee shop before. When Leah said we should meet in Port Angeles, this was the first place I thought of.

There was a faint buzzing noise and I picked up my old phone, flipping open the screen.

**Sorry. I'm going to be a little late - Leah**

I sipped my coffee, resting the phone back on the table. Well it's not like I had anywhere else to be. The only way to pass the time seemed to be periodically sighing and clicking my fingers against the wooden table, to any random beat. A woman seemed to be arguing with the barista about something, as she waved a twenty-dollar bill in his face.

The door clicked open and my gaze immediately looked for the person I was waiting for. Alas, when did I ever get what I was looking for these days? Not only did I have no luck, I had exceedingly _bad_ luck, as the perfect frame of Rosalie Hale walked through the door. Her blond hair, swept by the wind, fell back neatly against her face, almost like it was trained to do so. I didn't even see Alice behind her until it was too late to make an escape. My hands seemed to scramble over the table, so nervously that I had to pull them back into my lap. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping it would make me disappear but when I opened them again, she was standing at the edge of my table. Of all the coffee shops, in all the world, why did she have to walk into mine? I let my eyes slowly move up her body, hoping to buy myself some time. Alice stood silently, biting her lip and I knew that she didn't really know what to say either. I had been avoiding her all day, that much was obvious, but would she call me out on it? Alice seemed too nice and sweet to do something like that.

"Have you been avoiding me?"

Sometimes I get so sick of being wrong. "I… um…" What was I supposed to say? 'Yeah, but your making it really difficult'?

"I know it freaked you out to tell me all that stuff about your mom."

"Shhhh," I hissed, waving at her to sit down, before people started looking.

"Why are you so ashamed of what happened? I don't understand."

"I'm not ashamed," I answered quickly. And I wasn't. I felt guilty, sure, but ashamed... Should I be ashamed?

"Yes, you are. You won't talk about what happened. You need to talk about it. I care about you."

I looked down at the table. When she said the word 'care,' it seemed to slap me in the face. I rubbed my hands together, trying to get rid of the anxious tingles that seemed to keep running under my skin.

"Look at me," Alice implored.

'I can't, I can't,' I repeated over and over in my mind, keeping my eyes on the worn out table.

"Look _at_ me!" Alice punctuated the word 'at' with force I didn't even know she had.

I refused her instruction until she actually leaned across the table and put her hand under my chin, tilting it upwards to meet her eyes. Her touch was so soft and warm...

"I care about you. I want to be your… friend. But you _do_ make it difficult," Alice smiled and, I never noticed before but, it seemed to create these little dimples. They might just have been the cutest things I had ever seen.

I knew there was a chance that Alice liked me as more than a 'friend' but she had Jasper and I wouldn't mess that up for her… anymore than I already had. No good could come from being friends. She would just be wasted on someone like me.

I pulled back from her touch, steeling my gaze. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not interested in being your friend. I'm not ashamed. I'm not anything but pissed that I had to move to this fucking town and get constantly annoyed from the likes of you. The reason I've been avoiding you is because I regret kissing you, it was a mistake," I sneered in her direction. It was harder than I thought but I needed to make sure she wouldn't forgive me this time. "I don't like you or your friends or that school. I'm just counting the days until I can leave and never look back."

Her brow seemed to slowly knit together, finally taking in what I had said. I kept my face emotionless and it seemed to hit her hard. But it was what she needed. She could go back and be happy with Jasper now.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Hey, who's your friend?" Leah spoke to me, motioning towards Alice with her thumb.

I looked to Leah, trying to convey the fucked up situation with one look.

"Apparently I'm not a friend. I'm no one. And I was just leaving." Alice's voice held a wavered calm as she stood and crossed the room, sitting beside Rosalie, whose face showed a familiar scowl; a scowl that seemed to be permanently attached.

"What was that all about?" Leah asked, taking Alice's empty seat.

"Nothing, it's fine," I spoke curtly, trying to take my mind off it and focus on Leah. I smiled, just to reinforce the fact.

"It doesn't look fine." Leah looked over her shoulder back to Alice.

Alice was sitting with her side to me and glanced over and quickly back. Rosalie, however, was less polite, with her daggering glances. I wanted to change the subject. I reached for my cup, but instead, knocked my hand loudly off the edge of the table. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice.

"Shit," I hissed, cradling my now sore hand. Today just couldn't get any worse. I let my hand lower onto the table and I could feel my knuckles start to throb.

Leah picked up my hand, gently rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. She examined each knuckle and her cool skin felt nice against my overheated hand.

"It'll be fine. You can still draw."

I was shocked. I never told her I drew. How did she know? "How do you know I draw?"

"I told you, Charlie talks about you a lot. He says you're really good. Think I might be able to see some of your stuff sometime?" Leah smirked and for the first time in a long time, I felt embarrassed.

"I don't know. I don't usually show people."

"That's fine. So why did you want to meet up?" Leah crossed her legs and I noticed her denim shorts ride up.

"I wanted to talk but I'm starting to forget why." After all the drama with Alice, all I really wanted to do was go home and sleep, or maybe read that book.

"How's school?" Leah asked, simply.

"It's… complicated. The coach of the swim team keeps bugging me to join. It's bordering on harassment." It _is_ harassment. I should tell Charlie.

"Have you told Charlie?" Leah's voice was laced with concern.

"No. If it gets worse I will, but it's just a lot of talk. He can't actually do anything to make me join." I laughed, remembering his pathetic attempt earlier.

"Okay, if you're sure."

I nodded and continued to ask Leah about her day. She told me about school on the reservation, her cousin Emily and about Jacob trying to build a car. I sat up straight, to get a look over her shoulder and as I did, Alice quickly moved her head back to Rosalie. She could have just been looking around the room, but I had the feeling she was looking over here. Leah followed my gaze, looking back over to Alice.

"You like her, don't you?" Leah's eyes were wide as she spoke, with a hint of mischief.

"Shut up, I do not. Now stop staring."

"What? I'm not staring; she is." Leah locked eyes with Alice, as I sat helpless.

"Oh, my God, she's jealous," Leah laughed.

How could she get that from one look? There was no way. She's just mistaking jealously for pure, blind hatred. "Leah, I will give you my first born if you please just turn around," I pleaded.

"What?" Leah asked, like she had done nothing.

"Just don't, okay? She has a boyfriend. It's not like that," I explained, resting my forehead in my hand. I could feel a migraine coming on. It was like little men with pick axes were trying to chip their way out of my skull.

"Hmmm…" Leah pressed her lips into a hard line.

"I think I should go home now. I'm not feeling too well." I grabbed my jacket, steadying myself as I stood up.

"Sure, let's go." Leah walked close to my side as we both left.

I had parked my bike down the street, not to far; I could almost see it already. "Thanks for coming to meet me, as brief as it was."

"No problem, it was entertaining. We should do it again sometime." Leah seemed to bob from side to side, waiting for something, unknown to me.

"Sure. Do you have a ride?"

"Yeah, I borrowed my mom's car. It's just over there." Leah pointed across the street.

"Well… Um, I'll see you later, I guess." I started the bike before I could stutter any more awkwardness between us. I didn't know what it was about Leah; her confidence seemed unwavering. I kind of wish she could teach me how to be more like that.

Xxx

My boots seemed to drag against the steps as I opened the front door. It was only a little after seven but I felt exhausted. Charlie sat in the living room with a box of pizza and a few empty beer cans. I was just going to go to my room, but Charlie stood, narrowing his eyes at me and it just seemed like the perfect end to a perfect day.

"The school called."

I stayed silent, wishing he wouldn't draw this out any longer than needed.

"Skipping class? Really, Bella? I thought you were smarter than that. I should ground you." Charlie's words were unsure and he crossed his arms. His moustache ruffled as he exhaled.

"Why don't you then? It's not like I have anywhere else to go!" I threw up my arms, heading up the stairs, making each footstep louder than the last.

"Hey! I'm not done talking to you."

I slammed my bedroom door and the whole frame shook, as I flung myself onto the bed crushing my face into the pillow muffling a frustrated groan. I felt so angry all the time and I didn't even know why. I didn't want to be angry. I just wanted to be normal.

**A/N thank you for reading, reviews are always lovely:]**


	7. A Curious Incident

**A/N Great big thanks to Beetlebum101 for listening to me ramble about my writing and for just being awesome in general :]**

It had been two weeks since Charlie grounded me... and I was still grounded because I still refused to go to English class. I went to gym class sometimes, because it seemed like Coach Damon had finally given up on me. Mind you, he still took some pleasure in tormenting me, by making us play dodge ball almost every week. I swear he paid off people to hit me with those damn balls. One good thing happened, though: Alice hated me. Well, actually, it was worse than hate. Hate implies some strong emotion and Alice showed more of a quiet indifference towards me. She hadn't so much as looked at me since that day in the coffee shop.

I sighed into the pages of my book. Recently, the library had become my sanctuary. Sometimes, I thought no one else in this school even knew of its existence. Maybe I was crazy and there actually was no library and I had made this all up in my mind. The thought was oddly comforting; the idea of waking up soon and being safe in the knowledge that it was all 'just a dream.' I leaned my head back on the stack of books that was sitting on the floor, to give my legs some much needed rest.

"Which is it today: morphine or cocaine?" A gentle voice seemed to ask from the stacks, as I saw the feet move along the aisle. "Why, Miss Swan, skipping class? I never thought you'd do such things." Edward smiled, one half of his mouth seemingly more willing than the other, leaving it crooked, but not unattractive.

I caught onto his game, as he nodded towards the book in my hand. "How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, _however improbable_, must be the truth?" I should have known, with the way Edward spoke, that he would be a Sherlock Holmes fan. I could almost see him in a tweed coat, sporting a pipe.

"Everything in this world is relative, my dear Watson." Edward raised an eyebrow, before taking a seat on the floor opposite me and crossing his legs.

I took a quick scan and no-one else seemed to be here. There were no footsteps or quiet coughs or the rustling of turned pages. "Is there any other point to which you would wish to draw my attention?" I asked, turning back to my book.

"To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."

"The dog did nothing in the night-time."

"That was the curious incident." Edward remarked as he leaned in, a knowing grin plastered on his pretty face.

"As fun as this is Edward, does it have a point?" I kept my gaze averted as we spoke, almost as if I wasn't speaking to him at all.

"Not particularly, I just find myself wondering why you're hiding."

I closed my book sticking my thumb in the side to keep my place. "I'm not hiding. I'm just… taking a social vacation," I defended. And I _wasn't_ hiding. I didn't need to hide. I was just choosing not to be seen at the moment.

Edward's chuckle seemed to echo out of the small stacks, into the rest of the library.

"A social vacation…" he repeated, smirking and nodding his head. "I need to remember that one." He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair, before continuing. "Is social interaction really that difficult for you? If you ask me, you're not on a vacation; more of a self imposed imprisonment."

Well, no-one _did_ ask him did they? I was about to tell him so, but where would that get me? I was so tired… so tired of running, of defending, of retreating. I was so tired of everything. "How's Alice?" I blurted out, before I could stop myself. The question felt odd but it was the only one I really wanted to ask.

"She seems fine, why?"

That's what I was afraid of. I knew it was selfish, but a little dark part of me wanted her to be distraught, to miss me… but she didn't. She didn't care. _Isn't that what you wanted? _My subconscious seemed to nag. I thought it was, but I found myself missing her; thinking about her when she's not there, looking for her in the halls... Sometimes I want to go to class, just so I can be next to her. But I can't. I don't deserve to.

"No reason." I looked at Edward. His disheveled hair, the color of a shiny new penny, seemed so different. It was hard to imagine how he was related to Emmett at all; the two were so different. Emmett was big and athletic with short, curly, brown hair – so dark it was almost black. Edward, on the other hand, was medium build (at best), smarter than most people in this school and neat to an almost obsessive degree. That's how I didn't get the hair. One thing the twin brothers did seem to have in common are their eyes. Both an almost emerald green and held a sort of comfort that made it easy to talk to them.

"I heard about what happened at the coffee shop?" The way his voice raised slightly at the end, it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"She told you, huh?" I couldn't blame her. I had been a complete bitch to her.

"No, she didn't. Rosalie did."

That was a surprise. "Then why are you talking to me? Isn't it your friend code to hate the people your friends hate?"

"Yeah, but part of the friend code is also making sure your friends are happy and doing what you can to help them," Edward answered, a bit mysteriously.

"And what's that got to do with me?" My voice came out slightly harsher than I intended.

"Alice tells me a lot..." He began, but trailed off, turning his head away briefly. "Alice and I have a lot in common. Things we're not ready to share yet with the outside world." Edward's eyes scanned the empty stacks, as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down in a hard swallow.

"Where is this going Edward?" I questioned, my frustrations beginning to grow.

"I'm just going to tell you something, but if you tell anyone, I will deny this meeting ever happened." I nodded my understanding and Edward took a deep breath, in and out. "Alice liked you. _Really_ liked you. She was going to come out to everyone, even her parents, because of you. That was a big thing for her to decide and then, all of a sudden, nothing. She goes back into this place where she's confused and thinks she can never have love… like she's not worth loving. You did that to her and now you have to fix it." Edward didn't pull any punches, laying into me one point after the other. For a moment, I just sat there, staring at him, as everything he just said began to sink in.

How could she think she wasn't worth love? "But, Jasper loves her."

Edward sighed, his eyes getting cloudy, indicating that this was something he had thought about many times before. "Yes, he does, in his own way. But Alice's confusion is keeping them both from finding their true love and the longer Alice waits, the more Jasper is going to be hurt in the end."

It seemed like Edward was right; he was smart after all. I felt like I was protecting everyone with my actions but maybe I was doing the exact opposite. "So, how do I fix it?"

"Well, you messed things up pretty bad, but I guess forgiveness would be the first step."

I bit my lip, taking in Edward's words. How was I meant to get her to forgive me? "And how am I meant to get her to forgive me?"

Edward shook his head lightly. "I didn't mean her. I meant you." My brow furrowed at his words. "You've been walking around with this chip on your shoulder a mile wide ever since you got here. If you want any chance with Alice, you need to forgive yourself for whatever it is. If not for her, then for yourself."

Is Edward in line to be the new Gandhi or something? "Who says I even want a chance?" I defended.

"I know you don't like questions but can I ask you one thing?" Edward paused as I nodded. "Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? Tired of telling yourself you don't want things you know you do? Of keeping up this façade?" Our gazes locked and his emerald green eyes seemed to shine with anticipation, as he waited for me to answer.

"Do you?" I asked quietly.

Edward seemed to slump forward and it was the first time I'd seen him be… not perfect. "Yes, all the time."

He looked tired. But maybe he always looked like that and this was just the first time I had taken the opportunity to actually _see_ Edward. The real Edward; the perfect face just a mask for the crumbling insides. Maybe we weren't so different after all.

"I make no promises. Hell, I may even make it worse," I nervously chuckled.

"All I ask is that you try." Edward got up, dusting of his jeans and offering out his hand. Always the gentleman...

I took his outstretched hand, pulling myself up. Well, I guess I had some begging to do.

Xxx

I waited inside the locker room for Alice to come in. Mr. Mason let us out of Media early again, so I thought it might be the perfect opportunity to talk. I mean, she would have to come in here to change, right? The door swung open with a bang, against the concrete wall, and I got a nervous rush to my heart. As I turned, I noticed it was just Jessica. She paid me no attention as she got changed and some other girls (whose names I couldn't quite remember) showed up minutes after, but no Alice. I finally gave up and waited in the hall, as Emmett seemed to be doing as well. We stood side by side, neither talking.

Coach Damon ushered us into the Gym Hall, where we all sat on the bleachers, each in our little individual cliques. I sat on the outside looking inwardly on all the groups never really joining in.

The door opened slowly and Alice walked in, obviously self-conscious, as the rest of the class seemed to turn their heads, not unlike a herd of sheep. I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I had the ignorant hope that if I just stood in front of her, the right words might just come to me. Alice took a seat next to Emmett, two rows down from where I was sitting. She didn't look back… She never looked back.

"Right, basketball today. This half to that court, the rest of you, over there." Coach Damon blew his whistle, as he effectively cut the room in half.

The class split between the two courts and somehow, by chance, I ended up on the team opposite Alice. The ball was tipped off and Emmett smacked it back to Tyler, with a heavy hand. Most people had realized not to pass to me and I just kept to the sidelines. What if Alice doesn't forgive me? What then? Edward's words rang in my head, 'just try.' The Idea that Alice would break-up with Jasper and come-out to everyone, just to be with me, was a foreign concept. It was almost unbelievable. I don't think my brain had truly taken in what Edward had said to me yet.

My thoughts ended abruptly, as I made contact with the floor. My head snapped back, hitting the hard, rubber floor and a weight seemed to crash into my side. I got up onto my elbows. No-one seemed surprised I had fallen, as people began to crowd around to see what all the commotion was. It wasn't until I saw the raven hair that realization set in.

"Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, Alice. Are you okay?" I spoke quickly, scooting over on my knees.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Alice's voice was short, with a sharp-ended tone. I reached for her elbow to help her up. "Don't touch me," Alice shot, as she got up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" I didn't know what I was going to say until I noticed Alice had a bad mark on the back of her elbow, almost like a road rash. The red scrape seemed even more defined against her milky white skin.

Coach Damon broke through the crowd, with three sharp blows of his whistle. "Swan, take Brandon to the nurses office. You know where it is." He eye's me with a sinister smile and I knew he was laughing at his own joke…of course I know where the nurse's office is.

"But…" Alice stuttered out, but it was quickly cut off.

"No buts. Now go!" Coach Damon blew his whistle again.

The hallways were silent, except for the dull rumble of noise that could be heard with each classroom we passed. We walked in sync and the only reason I know that is because it seemed to be the only pointless fact I could think about. I watched our legs move in tandem, as I tried to time my steps perfectly with hers.

"Are we going to talk?"

Alice let out a sarcastic laugh. "You want to talk." She shook her head.

"Yeah, about us. I wanted…"

Alice cut me off with one simple look. "I got the message, okay? Loud and clear."

"But…"

"I don't want to hear it, okay! I'm doing what you wanted. You don't have to talk to me or look at me, as you count the days until you get out of here," Alice yelled, throwing my own words back at me.

I couldn't think of what to say. No words seemed to come to me. She was angrier with me than I thought. Her jaw tensed as she sped up, taking short, quick steps.

"I didn't mean it!" My voice echoed down the bare hallway.

Alice spun on her foot, taking a step towards me and it seemed like we were always arguing in hallways. "No, you don't get to do that," Alice poked me in the chest with her finger and it hurt more than I thought it would. I took a step back opening my mouth to talk, but Alice cut me off.

"No! It's my turn to talk, okay? You can't just act however you want and expect people to just forgive you at the drop of a hat. You said it you meant it. Don't pretend you don't hate it here. Well, guess what? This place is my home and I'm not going anywhere. You want forgiveness? Turn to God, 'cause I'm all out."

I felt frightened. Frightened of Alice, the five foot nothing girl, who looked like she might drift away in a strong breeze. Alice took a few steps back, turning to head in our previous direction.

"Don't follow me," Alice spoke calmly, not looking back… She never looked back.

**A/N thanks for reading.**


	8. The Colour Yellow

**A/N thank you for the reviews and just to say sorry for the later update life has gotten busy, moving and starting school, but hopefully I'll still be able to update often. Oh and as always thanks to Beetlebum101 for all your help your still the best :]**

Ever since I had started living with Charlie, I began to do a lot more around the house. Sometimes I wondered how he survived, because the only thing the fridge seemed to be stocked with was beer and raw fish. And Charlie was not a Sushi kind of guy. Today, I stocked the fridge, did the laundry and cleaned almost every corner of the small, two bedroom house but even with all that, it was still only five o'clock. Starting on dinner seemed to be the only option to keep my thoughts occupied. I scanned the cupboards, thinking over possible dishes. I think it was good for Charlie that I was here; I don't think he would have survived much longer on take-out alone. I fixed my eyes on the packet of pasta, thinking of all the things I could make. When I was in training, I wasn't allowed to touch the stuff. I had to watch every gram of fat I put into my body. _Mmm… fat._ Even the word seemed comforting. It conjured the image of cakes and chocolate. I was never even much of a food lover but as soon as someone said I couldn't have it, I seemed to want it even more.

The food was on the plate as soon as Charlie closed the door. I set up the table as he entered the kitchen.

"Wow, Bells, that's a lot of pasta," Charlie smiled, tossing his police jacket over the back of chair as he took a seat.

"Well, this is my new hobby: getting fat," I smiled, popping a piece of pasta into my mouth. Charlie grumbled and I couldn't tell if he took me seriously or not. "I'm kidding, dad." Jeez, tough crowd.

"What is it with kids these days and sarcasm? What ever happened to a good, old fashioned joke?"

"They went extinct, alongside Winona Ryder's career," I chuckled, as Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Did you go to English class today?"

I stayed silent, hoping if I just ate long enough, Charlie would eventually just forget.

"Bella…" Charlie stretched out my name until I was forced to look at him.

"I'll go tomorrow, okay?" I hoped he would leave it at that.

"You better." Charlie's words were more of a statement than a demand, as I felt no threat behind them.

My pocket started to vibrate, alerting me to a message and I flicked my phone open underneath the table. It was a force of habit I had picked up last year. Ashley would always get bored during class and we would text when the teacher's back was turned.

**Hey B, bonfire at the Rez tonight can you make it? – Leah**

Charlie seemed too absorbed in his food to take notice, or maybe he just didn't care if I checked my phone at the table.

"Charlie, can I go to the Rez tonight? Leah invited me to a bonfire." I bit my lip, unsure what his reaction would be, as I was still technically grounded.

"I don't know, you're supposed to be grounded… what would Renee usually do?"

It felt like I hadn't thought about her in days and all the feelings came rushing back with the mention of my mom's name. I dropped my head, staring into my almost empty plate, as I moved the leftovers mindlessly with my fork. What would she do? She wouldn't let me go, that's what. "Do you ever miss her?" I asked softly.

"Yes, sometimes. But I have reminders. Did you know she painted those doors? I hated the color at first, but it grew on me." Charlie pointed towards the old, yellow doors.

Now that I looked at it, the yellow seemed to be fading into a white. I hadn't really thought about it before, but yellow really didn't seem like a color Charlie would pick. I smiled at the idea of her standing in this tiny kitchen, wielding a paintbrush in one hand, painting every surface bright yellow, without Charlie even knowing.

"And I have my memories," Charlie continued. "And I have you."

"Me." I thought I had said that in my head, until Charlie looked at me.

"Yeah. You remind me of her so much sometimes," Charlie chuckled and he had this far away look in his eyes. I didn't know how I could; I didn't look like her at all. Sometimes I thought I was adopted, until I saw Charlie. "You're both strong willed and independent, not to mention stubborn as all hell."

Charlie started to tell me the story of how they had met in high school and it was fascinating to hear. She never really spoke about Charlie a lot and I wasn't one to bring him up, unless I was coming to visit, but that wasn't often. I didn't know that she was dating someone else at the time and that Charlie had won her over. They seemed to be so in love.

"Why did you guys break up?"

"It happens, Bells. We were young and we grew up and sometimes that means growing apart. Your mother was never one for small town life. She hated it here, as well."

I thought about the little town of Forks, with the constant cover of clouds and rain. The school with the over enthusiastic students and the tiny library, and the raven-haired girl that seemed to be in my every thought. "I don't know, I think the place is growing on me." If Charlie could learn to love the color yellow, then I think I could try to love Forks. "So can I… go to the Rez?"

"On one condition. You promise me, no more skipping class."

"I promise." There was an awkward sort of silence between us, so I got up to clear the table. "Well, I better get going."

"Okay, have a good night and be careful on that damn bike," Charlie shouted as I left. I'm sure he added something about scraping me off the road, but I don't think I was meant to hear it.

I texted Leah, telling her I'd be there in fifteen minutes. She texted back quickly, telling me to meet her at Jacob's place. Jacob and Billy's house was an easy place to find. I remembered the little garage that Jacob had set up in his back yard, that seemed covered with every greasy piece of metal you could imagine and a half built car in the corner. I could hear the steady thump of bass music coming from the little garage and some guys were tossing logs onto a pretty good-sized fire in the field, next to the little garage hut. The fire seemed to almost dance to the bass music, flickering along with the mesmerizing beat.

Jacob's garage was open and I could hear the sound of two boys arguing about something. I knocked lightly on the soft, wooden frame. I wasn't a friend to any of them by any means. I had only seen them a handful of times and they had all known each other most of their lives, so a feeling crept over me, like I was an intruder. An interloper. I didn't even really know why I was here. Just the idea of getting out of the house seemed great, but now that I was here, I wanted to go back home.

"Bella!" Leah and Jacob seemed to shout at the same time, Jacob being the loudest.

Everyone seemed to sit in a circle, sprawled out on old car seats and one questionable looking blue beanbag. I took a seat on one of the empty chair and I saw that Jacob seemed to have a big grin on his face. Everyone else was laughing too, but I only noticed Jacob because he seemed to stare at me.

"Do you want a drink?" Leah asked from beside me.

I wasn't sure if they meant alcohol or not. Leah took out a brown, paper bag from down the side of the chair, pulling out a can of Grape Soda and I looked to see everyone else had soda too.

"Yeah, sure." She tossed me the can and I tried to give it a moment before opening it. I cracked the can open, taking a quick drink, only to realize it was warm and almost sickly sweet.

Leah lazed over two chairs and I seemed rather out of place, sitting beside a boy I now knew as Quil, only because one of the other boys had yelled at him to, 'move his ass.' Jacob left to see the fire and that left Leah, Quil and another boy inside the garage.

"Hi, I'm Embry." The tall, Quileute boy stuck out his hand and I reluctantly shook it. His grip was so strong, I pulled away rather quickly.

"Bella."

"So, Bella, how's things?" Embry asked, in a rather open ended way.

"Uh… things are good."

"Embry, leave the poor girl alone and go help Paul and Sam with the fire," Leah spoke, with a slight laugh at Embry.

Embry, taking this as a point of manly pride, seemed to puff up his chest at the words. "No, I'm talking to Bella. Why don't you go?"

"Bella, do you want to come help me with the fire?" Leah asked, looking between Embry and I.

"I… uh… sure." I got up, grabbing my drink to follow, leaving Embry gaping like a fish. That seemed to spur Quil into fits of laughter.

"Don't mind Quil and Embry, they don't talk to a lot of girls," Leah smiled, kicking up dirt with the toes of her shoes.

"They seem nice." I didn't really have much else I could say about them. They seemed fine.

When we reached the fire, the boys seemed to be having fun throwing large branches, almost half trees, into the fire.

"Bella, this is Sam and Paul." Leah motioned to both of the older men.

Sam had this sort of stern look on his face, as he picked up a half bottle of vodka and took a straight swig, not even flinching as he swallowed down the clear liquid. Paul on the other hand seemed indifferent as he did the same, spitting some of the vodka into the fire, making it glow a bright yellow color.

"Hi, Bella. Charlie's told us a lot about you." Sam's voice was deep, with just a hint of authority.

Did Charlie tell everybody about me? I didn't really know why I had never thought of Charlie being proud of me before. The music changed and I looked back to the garage. It was a melodic song, with lyrics this time, and an easy beat to move along to.

The Fire seemed to create a circle glow as we all stood close to the warmth, just taking swigs of our drinks to pass the time. Paul took out a cigarette, flicking open a Zippo lighter and holding it close to his mouth. He puffed out the smoke into Leah's direction, as she waved her arm trying to expel the foul cloud.

"Paul, that's disgusting." Leah moved closer to me, as I stood on the other side of the fire, furthest from Paul's smoke cloud.

Leah kicked off her shoes, scrunching her toes into the cold grass as she stared into the fire. I followed her gaze into the fire and it did seem to be almost hypnotizing. Sam surprised me; his quiet footsteps almost undetectable, until he put his hand on my shoulders.

"Hey, want a drink?" Sam Poured his vodka into the top of my soda and most of it spilled over onto my hands. He stopped quickly and moved over to Leah, doing the same to her drink.

It couldn't have been more than a shot he had poured in, as I moved the can from my vodka soaked hand. I shook off the liquid and brought it up to my nose. It smelled strong and foul, like it was warning you not to drink it. I brought the can slowly up to my mouth. I hadn't tried vodka before; the most I'd ever had was wine sometimes, when my mom and I used to go out for dinner and even then, it tasted horrible. The clear liquid had pooled in the top of the can as I sipped it back. The sensation of burning was almost instant and I coughed violently.

The guys seemed to chuckle with laughter, as I was almost bent over trying to quell the sensation with cold air. There was a lump in the back of my throat, but Leah didn't seem to have trouble throwing hers back. She smirked at me just from the corner of her lips and I tried to laugh it off. She approached me, the smirk never leaving her features.

"Take another drink and try to get some soda this time," she smiled.

I didn't want another drink but if it would help, I took another drink. The soda seemed to mix with the vodka this time, making it more tolerable. All in all, it wasn't half bad.

"How can the guys drink it like that?" I glimpsed at Sam with a new wonder, as he continued to swallow it down like water.

"Practice," Leah said with a short laugh, quickly taking another drink.

I don't know if it was just because of the heat from the fire, or the fact that it was in my hand and it was just a reflex to drink, but I drank the rest of that can and two others.

I didn't think anything was happening as the night started to grow dark. Emily and Rebecca showed up (Sam and Paul's girlfriends) and we all sat on the grass, just drinking and staring into the fire. Sometimes, the guys would jump each other and start wrestling and I feared they would eventually roll into the fire. Emily pulled Sam to his feet and she started to dance around him, as Paul snickered at his friend. Rebecca, seeing this exchange, pulled Paul onto his feet, dancing in the same way as Emily. I took another drink and Leah tugged on the arm of my jacket, almost making me spill.

"Dance with me," She spoke, with a lazy grin.

I didn't dance. Never had I ever danced. But as I looked up at Leah, dancing seemed like a great idea. As I got to my feet, in a less than elegant manner, my head seemed to feel lighter. My legs began to sway and I tried to blink away the woozy feeling that seemed to linger.

"Wow, watch it there." Leah pressed her hand into my side, keeping me steady as she started to move to the beat.

It was a pretty upbeat song and she eventually let go of me. She held her hand in the air, closing her eyes, like she was absorbing the feeling of the music and moving with it. I tried to feel the beat, to move with the rhythm, but I just felt odd and uncoordinated. Leah held out her hand to me and I took it. She proceeded to raise our hands and held them high, as she spun underneath. I laughed when she almost fell backwards and I couldn't seem to stop, especially when we fell together in a fit of laughter, both of us being the only thing holding the other up. I decided that was enough dancing for one night and I fell into a lump on the ground. Leah took a seat close beside me. We sat silently and after a moment, Leah rested her head on my shoulder, as we both sat in the warmth of the fire. I sighed when Leah's short hair seemed to tickle my neck and as I looked into the coal black tresses, I couldn't help but think of someone else; couldn't help but _wish_ that it was someone else leaning on my shoulder.

"Leah, don't fall asleep," I whispered.

"Hmmm…." She drawled, getting more comfy.

"You can't fall asleep." I shrugged my shoulder, trying to wake her.

"Five more minutes," She moaned.

I couldn't help but smile at the child like phrase. "Okay," I whispered, before pausing and leaning my head on hers.

**A/N thanks for reading **


	9. You Win

**A/N Hey hopefully you're all still enjoying the story I am starting to get busy but I will try to keep the updates consistent as much as I can:] and thanks again to Beetlebum101 don't know what I'd do without your help :] **

It was the only time in my life when I wished that History class had been longer. Unfortunately, it ended at the same time as usual and now I had to go to English. I stuffed my books into my locker and looked for any possible reason to skip, but I had promised Charlie I would go and I always tried to keep my promises.

I got to the classroom and saw our empty, two-seated desk. I took my seat and Miss Jacobs gave me a weary glance.

"Glad you could join us again," Miss Jacobs spoke quietly, only to me.

I was sure that Charlie had told them about my mother and they were taking some sort of leniency on me for it. I hated people's pity, but at least it was useful this time. I took my seat and it was like I had never left it. Miss Jacob's eyes slowly followed me until I sat down, then she moved back to her book. I laid out my things, taking out my notebook and my favorite pen. I had taken to sketching faces, just small character faces, but they all seemed to end up with blue spiky hair and they just weren't right, so I had to scratch them out and start all over again. I furiously scratched out the obtrusive drawing, just as the chair next to me seemed to silently fill. I didn't miss how she pulled the chair near the edge of the desk, so much so, she might as well of been sitting in the aisle.

"Alice, you're going to have to talk to me at some point."

"Shhhh…" She shushed me, without even looking.

"Did you just shush me?"

"Shhhh…" She shushed again.

I rolled my eyes, leaning back to stare at the white ceiling tiles. What the hell was I supposed to do? Alice told me to turn to God… Are you there, God? It's me, Bella. Nope, nothing. Okay, I guess I've got to solve this one on my own.

"Right class," Miss Jacobs hushed the room. "Continue on in your books from yesterday and answer the questions at the end." Miss Jacobs walked over to our little front row table, as the rest of the class seemed to rustle with work.

"Bella, you'll have to share with Alice, I don't have another copy, I'm afraid. But I'm sure Alice can catch you up with what we've been doing, and I'll check and see if there's another copy in Mr. Green's room."

"Okay," I answered with a smile and I tried to mean it; I wanted to show Alice I was different. That I was sorry. She would have to talk to me now. I looked up to the ceiling again, 'thanks'.

"So, what are we doing?" I asked in a whisper, as I moved closer to see Alice's book.

She inhaled deeply, before she decided to speak. "Just read this and answer the questions. I can do it at home." She pushed the open book across the surface of the desk with the tips of her fingers.

I looked to Alice; she still wouldn't look at me. She just fiddled with her pen, turning it over and over.

"So, these questions here?" I pointed to the book, as she quickly glanced over.

"Yes."

I started to read, picking up the textbook and pretending to look over the words. They just wouldn't go in.

"I don't understand."

"You don't understand what? It's simple. Read and answer. A monkey with a typewriter could do it." She turned and looked at me and I couldn't help but smile at the adorable frown on her face.

"No, what I don't understand is why you won't believe me when I said I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry and confused…"

"So? You're not the only person that's ever been confused or angry or afraid." Alice seemed to grit her teeth as she said 'afraid,' like she wanted no one to know. "Your mood swings are starting to give me whiplash. I can't trust you not to turn on me again. I can't trust you." Her voice turned into a whisper.

I leaned my forehead in my hand, gripping into the small strands of hair. She couldn't trust me not to get scared and run away again, or get mad and flip out. I couldn't be trusted. I didn't even trust myself; not so easily anyway. I stayed silent, completing the work and giving the book back to Alice at the end of the period. She took it with a hard silence and her eyes were like stones; the once blizzard blue turned a harsh grey.

Media with Mason was another waste of a period, as I mostly thought over what Alice had said. I needed to earn her trust but that would take time. Luckily, time seems to be all I've got. Emmett seemed to be absorbed in making paper footballs, as I sat with my sketchbook open.

**Can I be trusted? **

**Can anyone?**

**With any situation there's risk, risk.**

I turned over the page, starting a new note.

**Alice, you may not be able to trust me right now but I hope you'll believe me when I tell you that I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry I hurt you; so incredibly sorry and you were right, I was angry and I did hate this place. But you seem to be the only one who can make this place bearable. When I'm with you, I feel like someone else and that scared me because I just don't want to let you down. **

Tearing the note from the page, I folded up all the words that I couldn't seem to say out loud and put it in my top pocket. I could slip it into Alice's locker after gym class.

Xxx

Gym glass was too busy to put the note in Alice's locker without anyone seeing me, so, I was heading over to do it now. There was a practice after school today so it had to be quick. The gym doors echoed as they closed and I moved quickly, before someone started to wonder what I was doing. The girl's locker room was empty, just as I thought it would be. The cold, grey lumps of metal were the only residents of the small room. I stood in front of Alice's locker, the folded note in hand, and I had a momentary doubt… should I really be doing this? Sharing these feelings? Could any good come from it? I stared at the black gaps in the metal, as I slowly edged the paper into it.

I had my last doubt; the note was almost inside. It was now or never. Sink or swim time. Just as the note fell into the locker, the door seemed to fly open and my neck snapped around to see whom it was. A shiver ran down my spine and I dropped my hand.

"Swan, what are you doing in here? Come to re-consider?" Coach Damon raised an eyebrow, as he leaned casually against the door.

"No, I was just leaving." I brushed past him, making a quick exit. He didn't follow: his footsteps stopped as mine carried on through the doors.

I couldn't help the nervous feeling that came over me; it felt like my heart was almost vibrating in my chest, sending tingles to the rest of my body. I got home and was too nervous to even eat or try and watch TV. I just went to bed and thought about the possibilities of tomorrow. Would Alice write me a note back or would she just talk to me? Would she care at all?

Xxx

(Next Day)

I waited for Alice to get to English class, like a puppy waiting for its owner to get home. Anytime someone entered the room, I almost fell out my chair with excitement.

Alice finally entered, looking perfect as usual and she let her book hang at her side as she walked. Her walk was more of a dance, like a little hop to a beat only she could hear. She took her seat and like yesterday, she pulled it away before she sat down, creating the biggest amount of space that she could between us.

I let my head hang as I turned away from her, returning to my sketchbook and creating a divide between us. It obviously hadn't made a difference. I couldn't stand to look at her. It was easier when I knew I had done something wrong and I deserved what I got, but I told the truth this time and I thought that might mean something. I thought she'd at least talk to me… maybe I hurt her more than I thought.

The bell rang, sounding the end of the period and as we walked out of the class, I couldn't help but catch up to Alice. "I hope you and Jasper are happy." It may have sounded sarcastic, but I didn't mean it to. I did want her to be happy.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alice asked back, slightly confused.

"I just hope you're happy together, you and Jasper. He's good for you, he loves you. You made the right decision." I tried hard to sound sincere.

"What decision? Is this another one of your, 'I don't mean what I say' things?" Alice still seemed confused. "Just forget it," she threw her arms in the air, retreating down the hall, as we parted ways at the stairs.

Media passed in a haze of thoughts, as I replayed our conversation over and over. Emmett nudged me with his elbow and I shot back in my chair, now alert, as people started to pack away their things and slowly leave the class.

"You okay?" Emmett asked quietly, as we left the class together.

I don't think in the history of forever anyone has ever been just 'okay.' The word itself was more for the person asking; meant more like, 'you can tell me your problems but we both know you won't.'

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Coach Damon was unusually quiet. Usually he'd be blowing his whistle every chance he got, telling people what they were doing wrong and trying to help them fix a stance or showing them how to shoot properly. But today, he just watched. Maybe I wasn't the only one with something on my mind. We were playing basketball again and I just stayed by the sidelines, trying not to get in the way this time. The whistle blew and we all turned to the coach. Everyone sighed with delight and some wiped the sweat from their heads, as the period seemed to be over. As everyone retreated to the changing rooms, one word seemed to cut through the large hall.

"Swan!" He yelled, making my shoulders jump. "Can I see you for a moment?"

I stopped and Emmett gave me a weary glance. I tried to look at him, as if to say, 'it's okay, go on ahead, I'll catch up.' I followed the coach into his office and I was plagued by memories of my last visit and a sort of cold fear shivered up my spine.

I kept my head down as I spoke, "You wanted to see me."

"Yes, I'm telling you there's a swim practice after school today. You'll need to be there. Here's a suit, since this is last minute." He tossed me a swimsuit that was folded and sealed in clear plastic. The suit was dark navy, with red pin stripes and it took me a moment to realize what he was saying.

"I've told you before, I'm not joining the team. This is getting out of hand; I'm going to tell Charlie about this." I gritted my teeth, throwing the suit to the floor.

He didn't seem to be phased by my actions at all, as he slowly moved to his hand to the back pocket of his trousers, taking out a small piece of paper and unfolding it. He coughed to clear his throat, before he read the all too familiar words, "Alice, you may not be able to trust me right now but I hope you'll believe me when I tell you that I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry I hurt you; so incredibly sorry and you were right, I was angry and I did hate this place. But you seem to be the only one that can make this place bearable. When I'mwith you, I feel like someone else and that scared me because I just don't want to let you down.**" **His tone was sickening as he finished. Putting his hand over his heart, he pouted. "Ah… young _love_," he sighed.

He moved back, perching himself on the edge of his desk as I stood, my hands balled into heavy fists. I wanted to yell; to hit him, but I couldn't. He stole my note. My _private_ note.

"Now, Bella, I'm not an entirely unfair person. You do have a choice…" He spoke slowly and calmly, while I tried to breath in short, sharp breaths, my anger overwhelming me.

"You can leave now and not join the team, in which case, I might be _forced_ to make some cuts to the team… Alice would be devastated but…"

"You can't do that!"

"I can do whatever the hell I want to! I'm the coach of this team, what I say goes."

This was my choice? Join or he kicks Alice off the team? The worst thing was that he was right. She would be devastated. I looked everywhere but at him, as the anger seemed to dissipate from my body, leaving my hands as I thought of how sad Alice would be and how much she wanted to be captain. I couldn't do that to her.

"Fine…" I let my head hang, "You win," I sighed in defeat.

"I think you'll find this will be best for the both of us, Swan. You're back where you belong. You were meant for this." He stood, putting a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off violently.

The sneer on my face was evidence of how I felt but he didn't seem to care at all. "Just because I'm doing this doesn't mean I have to like it."

"But you do have to compete, Swan. If you play dumb or lose on purpose, I'll kick her off the team anyway."

Great. Just great. Now I had to win as well. I felt like if I said anymore, I would just be digging a deeper grave for myself. I moved to the door and as I touched the handle, he spoke again.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Thoughts turned in my head as I tried to think of what he meant. I looked at him and saw his gaze move to the floor. The suit seemed to stare back as I looked at it. It held more weight than I wanted it to and I would always remember this as the moment I gave in. I detached my hand from the door, silently picking up the suit, tucking it under my arm and leaving without a word.

The halls and the locker room were empty. No one seemed to linger or wait for me; not that I expected anyone to. I sat on the bench, staring at my locker. It sat open with my clothes neatly folded inside. I balanced the neatly packaged swimsuit in my hands… in the dim light it looked almost black. Nothing like my old one, which was white with a golden lion over the front. I remembered how proud I was when I first got to put it on and how proud Renee was when she cheered me on from the sideline of my first real competitive meet. I threw the swimsuit to the back of the locker and it hit the metal with a light thud.

What was I doing? I told myself I wouldn't go back. I didn't want to; I didn't miss it at all. I thought maybe I'd finally get the chance to pick something for me to do. Something for _me_. What a dream that would be.

As the clock ticked, I knew what would be coming. Sort of like an impending doom. Edward, sensing my mood as we completed our work before the rest of the class, took the time to write a note. He slid it over to my side of the desk and it was a wonder no one had guessed he was gay with his handwriting. It was a large, loopy scrawl. I smirked at him, as he gave that lazy half smile.

**Are you okay?**

I didn't know whether or not to tell Edward about the coach. Maybe the less people involved the better. It was only for a year, then I was out of here.

_Yeah, I just decided to join the swim team. Thought it might help with the whole Alice thing, but I'm a bit nervous._

I slid the note back over, watching his features change, his eyes scanning the page. He placed his pencil on the paper, writing some more before quickly moving it back.

**Nervous about what?**

_Just, I'm a little rusty. It's been a while. _

**From what I've heard, you've got nothing to worry about.**

_Where do you hear all these things? _

**Where do you think? Alice is practically your number one fan, not that she would admit it. **

I couldn't help but smirk as I scribbled my reply.

_Not in a scary 'Swim Fan' sort of way I hope. _

Edward laughed, alerting Mr. Banner and he raised his head, giving us a stern look. Edward stopped laughing and went back to pretending like we were doing nothing.

**No… no, nothing like that. At least I don't think so. Do you have any plans for the weekend?**

I was thinking about going to Seattle, but I wasn't sure about it.

_I was thinking about going to Seattle to get some new books._

**Want some company? I wanted to pick up a new CD.**

I thought about it and there seemed to be a lot worse things than going to Seattle with Edward. But could my bike make it that far? I would need to make stops.

_Sure._

I scribbled and Edward nodded. As the bell sounded we exchanged numbers, so I could call him with a time. Art had quickly become my favorite subject over the few short months. I don't know why, it just felt like when I picked up a pencil and focused, the rest of the world just seemed to go quiet. It's in that peace and quiet that I found my love for the subject. I didn't mind Miss Henderson either. She seemed happy all the time; it was a little contagious. She reminded me of my mother – a little scatterbrained, but good hearted. Miss Henderson was a lot younger than my mother, though. It was hard to believe she was a teacher; she hardly looked twenty six. I took a desk, the first one I came to. Miss Henderson was constantly moving them around. Maybe it was for the Feng Shui; I wouldn't be surprised if it was. The desks were individual, all set up in a circle around some random objects. There was a guitar and a mirror and something that looked kind of like a trumpet, or at least part of one.

As class started, we had to draw the objects. I took my time sketching it out and trying to get the angles and sizes to the right proportions. Eric sat next to me, huffing as he erased half of his drawing. Miss Henderson walked around the room, perching over people, whispering corrections and smiling. Every time she got close to me, I always got nervous, wondering what she would say or wonder what could be wrong and quickly trying to fix it before she approached.

"Eric, it's okay to show your mistakes. It's a good thing. It's how we learn what not to do next time." She stole his eraser and he frowned dramatically, picking up the pencil again.

"Wow, Bella, this is great as always. You must have had a good teacher at that last school."

"I didn't take Art as a subject." I replied. I had wanted to but with everything else, there just didn't seem to be any time.

"Really?" She gasped in disbelief and I replied with a nod.

"You're good. Have you ever thought about applying to an art school?"

"No… not really," I lied.

"Well, you should think about it." Miss Henderson looked at my drawing once more, before moving on and I tried to shake the thoughts of art school from my head.

For a moment, just a moment as I walked down the hall, slightly later than I should have been, I forgot. I forgot what I had agreed to. For one second, I thought I was free to go home and do what I wanted, but nope, that's not me. I entered the gym building, heading to the locker rooms for the second time that day. My heart seemed to leap up into my throat as I entered the locker room, but it calmed when I realized they were empty. I must have been later than I thought. I quickly got changed and threw some sweat pants back on over the swimsuit.

Coach Damon appeared outside the changing room, lazily leaning against the wall, as I scowled at him again. He didn't even seem to notice and if he did, he didn't care.

"For a second there I thought you weren't going to show up."

I started walking towards the pool area and he walked beside me. I could hear him chewing on his gum and he snapped it between his teeth as we walked.

The dull roar of voices could be heard as we rounded the corner, before it went silent and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I could actually _hear_ everyone's disbelief, as I kept my eyes cast to the floor. It was only quiet for a second before people started to whisper between themselves. I picked my head up, searching for Alice. She was sitting on a starting block with two other girls I knew as Tanya and Kate. Her eyebrows had knit together and she got that little crinkle in her brow that people got when they were confused.

"Girls! I want you to meet Bella Swan… your new captain."

"Captain?" Everyone in the room seemed to gasp in disbelief, including me.

**A/N Thanks for reading**


	10. Lucky

**A/N Hey everybody sorry for the wait, I hope your all enjoying the story so far. Thank you for all the nice reviews and to Beetlebum101 for always helping me with my writing and listening to all my story ideas and for the shout out on 'When Everything Else Is Gone' :]**

"Captain," everyone in the room seemed to gasp in disbelief, including me.

The coach gave me a pat on the back but he was so strong, it propelled me a few steps forward. Most people's faces seemed to turn quickly from amazement to anger.

"Coach, that's not fair," the strawberry blonde called out.

I flinched at her words. I didn't want this anymore than she did.

"Yeah, shouldn't we at least have a shot?" The girl I knew as Kate called out, less defensively.

The coach nodded, taking in the girls' ideas. "Okay, you're right. Why don't you guys pick your best two and we'll have a little race. The winner gets to be captain." He smiled, as the girls huddled into a small group.

There was some chatter as coached leaned over, whispering in my ear, "remember what we talked about."

I was about to argue, but bit my tongue instead. I hadn't even been in a pool for months and he expected me to win? I wasn't too sure.

We walked up to the starting blocks, as the girls stood back and Alice and Kate came forward. Great, just my luck. I knew it would be her anyway. I tried to look into her eyes and get her to understand the situation, but she wouldn't look at me. She just stared out at the water. I took a second to stretch and snatched a pair of goggles and a cap from the hands of the coach. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck to each side.

"Right, take your places. It's going to be fifty meters freestyle. Shortest time wins," Coach Damon bellowed, stopwatch in hand.

My bare feet slapped against the wet tile and I had almost forgotten the sound. I took my place on the starting block, looking at Alice. She looked so small on the block next to me, with Kate next to her. I hope she would forgive me for this. I placed my goggles over my eyes, as the world turned that familiar tint of blue and I leaned over, brushing my fingertips against the tops of my feet.

The silence was tense and we seemed to wait a lifetime for the whistle to sound. As soon as it hit my ears, I was in the water, going into a freestyle crawl. I thought it would be harder; that my body wouldn't remember how to move through the water, but I had been doing this most of my life and it was easier than I cared to admit. I took a sharp breath, going under the water into a spin turn and heading back. I could hear the muffled cry of voices as people cheered on from the poolside, but none for me. My mind went blank as I came to a halt, hitting the wall with my arm, my feet coming to a stop. It took a second for my brain to realize the race was over, as I wiped the water from my face and picked up my goggles. As I did, Alice hit the wall, followed by Kate and they mirrored my actions. Alice looked to Kate then to me. It was just a second, but I hoped in that second she could see how sorry I was.

"Well, good try girls. Really, Kate, I think that's your best time so far, but Bella beat you by two seconds and some change. Imagine how much she would have beaten you by if she wasn't rusty."

His compliments felt like a slap in the face to me and everyone else, as I picked myself out the pool. Grabbing a towel, I hit the bench and began to dry my wet skin. Alice moved to do the same and I tried to head her off, as everyone else was distracted.

"Alice," I spoke. The taste of pool water still lingered in my mouth, on my lips, and all I could think about was that kiss.

She turned, throwing the towel over her shoulder. She had an eyebrow raised and her mouth was pressed into a tight line. "Congratulations, _captain_," Alice shot, sarcastically.

"You have to believe me, I knew nothing about the whole captain thing. I was as surprised as you are. I didn't want this any of this…"

"But you just thought you'd come in and take it anyway?"

My words seemed to get confused and jumbled in my head and I thought about telling her the truth. If only I could be sure she would believe me... "No…no…"

"So, you didn't want to be captain but you just had to? Bella, honestly, this is getting so confusing. Sometimes I just wish we could start over."

"Why don't we then… start over?" I seemed to jump on the idea too quickly.

Alice bit her lip and I knew she was thinking it over. I tried to beg her with my eyes. If it meant I could start over, I would take it.

"Hi," I ran my hand nervously through my hair. "I'm Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella." I held out my hand, seeing if she would take it.

Alice sighed, but took my hand anyway. It wasn't exactly the reaction I wanted but it was a step forward. "If I could let you be Captain, I would. I'm not a good leader."

"I could be your vice captain, if you want?" Alice asked with a straight face, as we took a seat on the bench next to some of the other girls.

"That sounds like a great idea. When's the next meet?" I asked, hoping it wasn't soon.

"There's a big one coming up next month. There should be a few schools there."

There was a tension between us, as everything that went unsaid just seemed to linger in the air.

"Okay."

I couldn't think of anything else to say but it didn't matter. Just then, coach shouted my name and I left the bench to head off against someone else this time, using backstroke, which I had always hated. There were only a few more timed laps before Coach let us leave.

I sat in the parking lot on my bike, waiting for Alice. She seemed to take her time, talking to other people on the team. There were very few cars and I wondered if she would have a ride.

She appeared out of the doors, talking to Kate and another girl with long, black hair; I think her name was Emily, but I wasn't sure. They parted ways as Alice headed in my direction. She kept her eyes to the ground, her bag slung over one shoulder as she checked her cell phone.

"Alice," I yelled over the short distance, catching her attention.

She seemed to look up like a deer caught in headlights, before she crossed the short distance. "Do you need a ride?"

"I… um… I'm not sure if that's the best idea," she stuttered.

"Why not? It's just a ride." I held out the extra helmet I had bought, just in case of this occasion. "See, I bought another," I smiled.

She bit her lip again, over thinking the situation. "Sure." She threw one leg over the bike, steadying herself, as I gave her the helmet.

"Hold on tight," I said, as I started the bike with a kick and the engine thrummed loudly.

Alice seemed to scoot forward, maybe afraid I was about to take off. She twisted her arms around my waist, holding on lightly.

I craned my neck around to look at her. She still had that look of doubt marking her face. "You're gonna have to hold tighter, I don't want you to fall off." Her arms squeezed tighter and I couldn't help the smile that pulled on my lips.

"Do you have to go home right away?" I asked, not turning, so she couldn't see the obvious grin on my face.

"No… why?"

"Just wondering."

I wasn't even sure what I was doing but it felt like I should make use of this new start. I stopped when I got to my house, bringing the bike slowly to a rolling stop.

"What are we doing here?" Alice asked, confused.

"I thought maybe you'd like to hang out for a while. Maybe have dinner? Charlie's working late tonight… and I really just don't want to be alone." I played with the helmet in my hands, hoping I hadn't said too much.

"Okay," She said solemnly.

I opened the door, flicking on the lights as Alice followed quietly. Alice looked around the room, passing the large TV and moving over to the fireplace. She picked up an old photo of Charlie and Renee, but then but it back down.

"That's my mom." I walked up behind her, picking up the picture again.

"She's really pretty."

"Yeah, too bad I get my looks from Charlie, eh?" I laughed and she finally smiled.

"You're not doing too bad." Alice turned, caught in the small space between the fireplace and me, her eyes lingering on my lips and dragging down my body.

I felt a familiar blush creep up my cheeks, as I turned to hide it with my hair.

"This is actually a really old picture," I noted, placing the picture back.

"Do you have any newer ones?"

I did, but I was drawing from it. "Uh… yeah, sure." I motioned for Alice to follow me.

I stood outside the door to my room and nerves seemed to take over. I couldn't remember if I had cleaned it or made my bed or picked up my socks from last night. I pushed the door open and relaxed when it looked relatively clean. The purple comforter looked neat and tidily made up over the bed. I had a shirt hanging over the mirror and my desk was covered in paper, but the floor was clean.

"This is, uh…. my room."

"Yes, Bella, I can see that," she giggled at my obvious nerves.

I took out a black, bound sketchbook from a pile of cardboard storage boxes I had piled next to my desk. They were filled to the top with sketchbooks, old notepads and stuff that I just didn't have the heart to throw away. I turned to see that Alice had sat herself on the edge of the bed. I sat beside her, putting the book on to her knee.

She picked it up, gently examining it before opening the first page. She looked at the drawing of my mother quietly, before flicking the page to other sketches I had done: one of the tree from the window and one of Charlie watching TV.

"I don't really show a lot of people these." I tapped my fingers nervously, wondering what she was thinking. I would give anything to know what she was thinking.

"Why not? They're amazing," Alice spoke, never taking her eyes off the slowly turning pages.

"I don't know."

She was getting close to the end and I didn't even know what was in there, but as she turned the page I remembered it was a sketch I had done in English class of Alice. It was only the side of her face but you could tell it was her.

"When did you do this?"

I felt myself get hot and all the air seemed to escape the room, "I… uh… it was a little while ago, sorry I should have asked."

"It's fine. It's beautiful…"

"It's easier when the thing you're drawing is already beautiful."

I moved my hand, placing it over hers. I brushed my thumb against the back of her hand as she closed her eyes, letting out a ragged breath.

"Do you really regret kissing me?" Alice spoke softly, taking her hand away from mine.

I stared down at my empty hands, as the warm tingling feeling seemed to disappear. "Yes and no."

"Which is it: yes or no?" Alice's voice held a wavering calm.

"It's both. I shouldn't have done it because you have Jasper, and I feel awful about that. But that kiss… I think that's the most I've ever felt about anything and I don't regret that. I _can't_."

"I don't love Jasper," Alice said calmly, as her eyes squeezed tight and she grabbed the edges of her jeans, balling them into fists. It may have been the first time she had admitted that out loud.

If she cries, I have absolutely no idea what to do… I'm not prepared for this. I slid closer, so our sides were touching. I thought about putting my arm around her, but I was too scared in case she didn't want me to.

"If you don't love him you shouldn't be with him," I whispered. I didn't want to tell her what to do, but then again, I wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know.

"I know… I know… but I want to, so badly. He's liked me since we were kids. He's so good and he deserves so much better, but I don't want to let him go. He makes me feel safe, but he's not the one I think about at night… when I'm alone." Her eyes met mine and I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't make the first move this time.

I put my arm around her back, pulling her into my side as we relaxed, just sitting in silence. After a moment, Alice rested her head on my shoulder, wiping away a few tears. Time seemed to stand still, as we sat in a mutual silence. I didn't know if Alice planned to break up with Jasper or if she wanted to try and make it work. I think she was going to break up with him. It was starting to feel like we couldn't get together without one of us yelling or crying. "Why does it seem like we can never talk without one of us yelling or crying?"

Alice picked up her head, her eyes marked with redness and she wiped them again. "Sorry."

"Ah, it's not your fault. It's just the way it is." I stood up off the bed, grabbing her hand and trailing her after me.

I wanted to do something to cheer her up, but I didn't know what. "What do you want to eat?" I asked, letting go of her hands as we entered the small kitchen and she seemed to pout slightly.

"What can you cook?"

I started opening cupboards and the fridge, looking for anything we had. "Anything… my mom was not the best cook. I mean, she gave it her best but…" a shiver ran down my spine at the memory of eating some of her concoctions. "She just didn't have a gift for cooking, so I picked up stuff pretty fast." I stopped, turning to face her for a moment. "You're not a vegetarian, are you?" I raised an eyebrow as she shook her head. "Good, 'cause we're having steak. Living with Charlie it's mostly a steak and fish diet, with the occasional pizza."

Alice shook her head at my words. "How did you beat me today?" She questioned, amazement coloring her tone.

I froze for a moment. I didn't really want to think about it. I did it because I had to. Maybe I should just tell her the truth. "Alice… I…" What would she do if I told her the truth? Would she quit? Possibly… I couldn't let her do that. "I don't know, just lucky I guess."

"Yeah, luck," She huffed.

**A/N thanks for reading**


	11. You Cant't Handle The Truth

**A/N Hey:} Thank you for all the reviews, I still can't believe people bother to read what I write. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter I'll try to get the next one up soon to make up for it. Also thanks again to my fairy grammar mother Beetlebum101 :}**

I was supposed to meet up with Edward at this record store but as I pretended to look through stacks of CD's of bands I didn't know, I couldn't seem to find the rusty haired boy anywhere. A young man with dyed, black hair stood at the register, giving me a glance, only to go back to his apathetic demeanor as he served another customer. As _The Strokes_ blared through the speakers, I noticed two figures through the window and I continued to watch as they opened the door. I had no idea that Edward was going to bring Alice. I guess it's a good thing. I wonder if she talked to Jasper yet… it's only been two days.

"Hi, Bella," Edward spoke, rubbing his hands together in the warmth of the store. "Sorry I'm late. _Someone_ takes forever to decide what to wear." Edward rolled his eyes, as Alice swatted his shoulder.

"_Please Edward_, we both know how long it takes you to do your hair in the morning," Alice said, mimicking Edwards rolling eyes.

I couldn't blame her for taking her time; she did look beautiful, dressed in heeled boots, with her jeans tucked inside and a heavy cardigan. I tried not to stare as I looked at her, before turning my attention back to Edward.

"No problem."

"Edward can you hurry and find your CD? I want to get something to eat," Alice spoke, shoving Edward lightly.

"Why don't you two go ahead? I'll catch up."

Alice held the door open as she talked slowly, making her way back out. "We'll be at that place up the street. You know the one."

He nodded and I realized it was like they had their own silent language, as they looked at each other in understanding. What place? My confused mind seemed to speak.

We left the store and I had forgotten how cold it was outside. I thought I would be used to the unpredictable Forks weather by now but it still cut through me, as I hugged my jacket closer.

"I didn't know you were coming today."

"Well, Edward told me what you guys were doing and I thought I might tag along… you don't mind do you?" Her voice got high at the end.

"No! No, of course not. I'm happy you came." I smiled as we walked in tandem and she seemed to mirror my smile.

We had reached a small café and I only noticed because Alice stopped suddenly, moved inside and held the door open for me. I breathed a quiet 'thank you' and ambled my way across the threshold. All the tables seemed to be scratched and none of the chairs matched but in a way, it looked like it was meant to be this way. We took a table out of the way, close to the wall and I couldn't help but wonder what this place looked like at night.

I placed my jacket over the back of the chair, trying to relax myself. It seemed that anytime I was around Alice, a strange sort of tension seemed to run through my body.

"So… how have you been?" I asked, tapping my fingers against the edge of the table.

"I've been alright," She sighed. "I tried to talk to Jasper yesterday but it didn't go how I planned. I just want to tell him but every time I look at him, I can't do it. I don't want to hurt him."

I leaned across the table, taking her hand lightly in mine. I ran my thumb over the soft skin, creating a circular pattern and she seemed to relax a little.

"I should tell him the truth…" Alice continued. As I continued to caress her soft skin, I couldn't help but wonder what exactly the truth was.

"What is the truth?" I whispered.

"That I'm not in love with him. That I have feelings for someone else; feelings I want to explore." Alice tightened her grasp around my fingers.

"I have feelings for you too, Alice. Maybe once you tell…"

"Hey guys," Edward's voice called and I retracted my hands quickly.

"Great timing Ed," Alice laughed and he narrowed his eyes at her.

We ordered our food. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich and Edward and Alice began telling regaling me with stories of their childhood. They kept trying to one up each other with embarrassing facts. Like how Edward used to use a ton of gel to tame his wayward hair but had a bad habit of running his hands through it and so Emmett used to call him 'sticky fingers.'

I sipped on my coke. As Edward continued to speak, my mind seemed to zone out. His voice became a dull buzzing noise in the distance as I looked into Alice's clear, blue eyes and they seemed to stare straight through me. Her foot brushed against the inside of my leg and I jumped in surprise, banging my knee of the table and making the plates jump.

"You okay?" Edward spoke.

I tried to regain my composure but instead knocked over my drink. The black liquid spilled onto the table and I quickly moved to mop it up with a few paper towels.

"I'll go get some more napkins," Alice spoke quickly, leaving the table.

I laughed as Edward just watched on. There was not much else either of us could do at this point.

"Bella, I wanted to ask you something. I know this is a strange favor to ask and I wish I didn't have to but…" Edward looked at his hands, rambling in circles.

"What is it?" If he needed a favor, of course I would help him out.

"I need… see the thing is, my parents are having this big dinner with people from the hospital and I may have told them… that you are my girlfriend."

"You did what!" I growled, trying to keep my voice low.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. They asked if I had one and I panicked. Every week my mom asks and she said I should bring someone. I said I would and that I was seeing someone. When she asked who, your name was the first one I thought of."

Why me? Of all the girls fawning over him, I should be last on the list. Hell, I shouldn't even be on the list. He is hardly even friend… more like an acquaintance, if I had to put a label on it. If he needs a fake girlfriend, shouldn't it be Alice or someone? "Why didn't you say it was Alice or someone, if you need a fake girlfriend?"

"It wouldn't work. They know she's dating Jasper and if I asked anyone else, they'd think it was a real date. Please, just do this one thing for me." Edward's emerald eyes seemed to beg and I could feel my defenses drop.

"Dammit. Fine, I'll do it. But just this one time and then you tell them it didn't work out or something." I pointed.

Edward shot off his seat, wrapping me in a warm hug, pinning my arms to my sides as he whispered thank you. Alice appeared and took in my awkward look, as joy danced across Edward's face.

"What are you guys doing?" Alice asked, with a slightly confused curve to her brow.

Edward detached himself from me, sitting back in his original seat and he looked to Alice first. He could take this one; let him explain this 'WTF' of a situation.

"Bella just agreed to go with me to my parents dinner tomorrow night."

"That's great," Alice smiled.

"My parents throw this dinner every year for some of the people that work at the hospital." Edward explained.

It seemed like a nice thing to do. I don't know why he was so afraid to tell his parents, but maybe they were just nice from the outside.

"Alice, are you coming as well?" Edward asked quietly.

Alice choked a little, sputtering her water as she laid the glass on the table. She desperately tried to signal 'one second,' raising her finger as she took in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" I leaned over the table as she leaned back.

"Yeah, yeah." She smiled and I felt a little easier. "I'll be there tomorrow night with Jasper and his mom and dad."

Alice's eyes seemed to flicker to me, just for a second, and I couldn't even be sure if it really happened. When she said Jasper's name, I felt a tightening in my chest that wasn't there before. Jasper's pretty boy face seemed to flash in my mind. He and Alice together; him touching her, kissing her...

"Are you okay?" Alice said and I had to unclench my jaw to reply.

"Yeah, I'm fine." As if there wasn't a bigger lie to be told. "So, Edward, what duties do I have in becoming your beard," I chuckle.

"Well, you have to dress like a girl for one," Edward bit back, examining my clothes. "Do you own a dress?"

"Do you own a hairbrush?" I shot back, jokingly.

"You can come over to my house if you want, Bella. I could let you borrow something," Alice butted in, sounding emphatic.

I couldn't help the look of sheer awe that crossed my face. She couldn't be serious… could she? I honestly couldn't see me wearing or fitting into anything Alice would wear, but it was tempting to say yes just so we could hang out alone for a little while in her room… while she tried on clothes… snap out of it Bella! I shook my head, clearing the semi-naked thoughts.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun."

"Sure then." I smiled, as Edward just looked back and forth between us.

A rough cough from Edward broke the silence and he stood as we followed. Leaving the Café, we headed right to more of the stores. The storefronts were brightly painted and I looked for the bookshop I had seen on the Internet. We hadn't been walking a minute when Alice stopped.

"They're having a sale, let's go in here." Alice walked into the store without waiting and Edward followed.

"I'm sorry, I should have warned you, Alice has never met a sale she didn't like."

"Oh Bella, we have to get you a dress and matching shoes…" Alice rambled, obviously in her element, already beginning to talk about bags and other girly stuff.

As the door slowly creaked closed behind me, trapping me inside the store, all I could think was, '_dear God, what have I gotten myself into?_'

**A/N Thanks for reading **


	12. The InBetween

**A/N Hey guys, thanks for sticking with the story so far and for all the great reviews. **

**This chapter is in Alice's point of view so I hope you enjoy it I don't think I'll do it often but its important for this part of the story and of course I cant forget to say a huge thank you to beetlebum101 :] **

Flume 12 - The In-Between

APOV

I ran my hands over the sides of Bella's dress, flattening it against her waist and hips. It took every ounce of self-control I had to keep them from trailing over the rest of her toned body. We were both facing the full-length mirror and I swept her hair lightly behind her shoulder. This was one of those moments when I couldn't help but think, if we were a couple, I could just kiss her right now… her shoulder… her neck... I was so close I could smell her skin and it smelled so good. The worst thing about this whole situation was that I _could_, but I was standing in my own way. Bella slumped her shoulders, a scowl marring her beautiful features as she looked at herself in the mirror. I couldn't understand why; she looked amazing. I was slightly afraid that Edward might actually want to date her for real after seeing her like this.

"It's really nice of you to do this for Edward," I spoke, running a brush through her long, brunette hair.

"Why doesn't he just tell his parents he'd rather be dating a guy?" Bella rolled her eyes, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"I don't know, I think he's just afraid. He doesn't want to disappoint his parents. Although, I don't think they could ever be disappointed in him." Edward's parents were so loving, but he just wasn't ready yet.

Bella turned, placing her hand over mine (as she had taken to doing over the last few days) and it still made my heart flutter. She looked me in the eye and her brown eyes seemed to flicker with a hint of gold. "Are you afraid of disappointing your parents?"

I was. I really was. My gaze fell to the floor and I bit on my lower lip. I didn't want them to hate me for something I couldn't control. I felt my face being lifted and I met Bella's eyes again. They seemed lighter somehow. It seemed so easy for her… I didn't know what to feel when I started liking girls. At first, I felt ashamed that other people would look down on me if they found out. Even now, I still got confused sometimes but I was starting to accept that it couldn't be changed and even if it could be, I wouldn't want to change it. Being attracted to Bella didn't feel wrong to me. I had faith that my friends and my family would stand by me; they were good people. It was everyone else I was afraid of. People can be cruel and I felt like a coward for not wanting to go through that, when so many others did. I began to realize I admired Bella in a way; she had lived her life for other people for so long. That's why I didn't understand why she joined the swim team. She seemed so adamant about not doing it. But maybe now that it's her choice, she can love it again.

"Don't be. You're an amazing person, Alice; gay, straight or in-between."

I had to laugh, just at the way Bella said 'in-between.' That felt like me right now – caught in the 'in-between.' Bella smiled that same lopsided smile I had begun to look for everywhere. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I think I was in love with her from that very first day… maybe even before that. "Do you know I met you before?"

"When?" Bella asked quizzically and I could tell she didn't remember me in the slightest. I couldn't blame her, though. There were a lot of people wanting her attention that day.

"It was last year at a meet. I wasn't competing; I just went to watch." Bella looked like she was wracking her mind as I continued, "It was in LA… when you broke the record. I saw you at the reception; we were staying in the same hotel. I walked up to you and your friends and I said 'congratulations.' You smiled and said thank you and that was it."

"I'm sorry." Bella replied and I had no idea why.

"Why?"

"I just feel so stupid that I didn't notice you sooner," she replied, staring at the wall and shaking her head slightly. A moment passed before she spoke again. "Are you going to speak to Jasper tonight?" Bella's shoulders slumped after she spoke, her hands tensing up as she moved her gaze to the floor.

I don't know why I didn't see it before. I thought this was hard on Jasper and I but I never thought about Bella. What she must think of me; acting like this, stalling with Jasper… I wanted her to kiss me that day in her room and I never gave him a second thought. But she did. I don't deserve either of them. "I'm going to tell him tonight. I should have done it weeks ago." Hell, I shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place, but I thought maybe with time… if I gave him the chance...

"It's okay. I know it's hard. He's your friend, you care about him." Bella stalled and I felt like something had gone unsaid.

"There's something you're not telling me."

"I just wanted to be sure that… that you're not doing this for me. I need to know that you're doing it because it's the right thing to do; that you're doing it because you're gay."

I had never said it out loud before. When Edward found out, he just asked me outright if I was and I said yes. I never said the actual words. "Yes… I'm doing this for Jasper and myself because… I'm gay." I closed my eyes not wanting to cry and ruin my make-up. Bella wrapped her arms lightly around me. I wish she'd stop being so god damn caring. I laughed at the thought. I never thought I'd ever wish that about Bella.

"What are you laughing at?"

"You," I replied, rather too quickly.

"Me." Bella pointed to herself with a confused smirk.

"Yeah, I don't know when, but one day you started caring about things again." I smiled, as she retracted her arms, and I missed the feeling instantly.

"I blame you for that one, you're like a ninja. You seem to sneak into people's hearts without them even noticing."

I couldn't believe she said I was in her heart. I instinctively took a step closer, closing the gap between us. I could smell the mint on her breath. I was so close but before anything happened, Bella turned back to the mirror again, examining her dress.

"Edward owes me big time for this," Bella mumbled roughly under her breath, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm gonna get a pair of scissors for that tag," I said, as I left the tension of the room.

The air was cooler as I skipped down the steps into the kitchen, where my mom seemed to be washing some vegetables.

"Hey, honey, you look nice. Is Jasper picking you up tonight?"

I scanned the drawers as I listened to my mother. She had always loved Jasper like a son and she was over the moon when she heard that we had started dating. "No, mom, I'm gonna drive us and we will meet the guys there."

"Okay. But just remember and be safe," she replied with a smile.

The way she said it, I don't know exactly what she meant. "It's just a dinner party at the Cullen's. Not much is going to happen."

"Okay. Say hi to Jasper for me."

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I think she lives through me more than I do. "I will, mom."

I grabbed the scissors and raced back up the stairs, taking them two at a time, which was hard for my short legs. I opened the door to my room and it took me a second to see where Bella was. I expected her to be standing in the same spot but as my eyes travelled the room, I saw her lying across my bed, staring at the ceiling with her hair fanned out around her face. She looked so peaceful. I watched her chest rise and fall until the door fell shut with a bang, alerting her to my presence.

"Sorry," I mumbled, moving forward towards the bed. I motioned for her to turn so I could see her back.

I clipped the tag with a quick snip. "Perfect," I breathed. I quickly glanced at my phone and saw a new message from Jasper.

**Ali, I miss you. Please hurry.**

"We should get going," I noted, grabbing my purse.

Bella followed silently as we reached the outside of my house. I clicked the button on my mom's keys to unlock the old, yellow mini. I grabbed the handle to open the door when I noticed Bella hadn't moved. She stood perfectly still staring at the car.

"Are you alright?" I feared the worst, as Bella suddenly seemed paler than usual.

"I… I can't go," Bella stuttered, her eyes moving quickly from the car to her bike.

"Why not?" Bella looked at her bike again. "Come on, I promise I'm a good driver." I flashed a smile as she took a step forward.

"It's not you… it's just, I've only been in a car once since the accident: when Charlie picked me up at the airport… it didn't go so well."

How could I have been so stupid? "Well we can't take your bike so that only leaves one option: walk. It's only ten minutes." At least walking would give us time to talk, I thought happily.

"Are you sure?' 

"Of course. Plus, Edward would kill me if you didn't show up." I locked the car and headed in the direction of Edward and Emmett's house.

As we walked the short distance to Edward's house, I could feel the tension drop, but an awkward silence still hung in the air and I didn't know if I should be the first to break it. A chill picked up as I wrapped my arms around my body, in a last ditch effort to keep warm.

"Thanks again for walking. I know it's stupid but anytime I'm in a car I just get flashes of what happened." Bella spoke with her hands and I could see her eyes race. She looked like she was deep in thought.

"It's no problem. But how do you plan on getting home?" I asked, concerned.

"Don't worry, I'll leave before it gets dark."

I nodded as we quickened our pace. I could almost see the start of the long drive way. "Have you seen anyone about it or…" I led off, not sure if I should continue down this path. I had learned not to go too far with Bella. I was still learning to trust her again; to not let myself get caught up so easily.

Bella took a long draw of air as her breath clouded in front of us. "Yeah, I saw a doctor… useless man. He gave me some pills. I don't like them, they make my brain fuzzy."

Fuzzy… I could only imagine the feeling. We reached the drive way and as my heels hit the gravel, my ankle buckled and I instinctively reached out for support.

"Wow," Bella drawled, taking my arm.

I huffed a laugh, trying to salvage my dignity as we continued. Bella smiled but hid it behind her hair, as she moved her gaze to the ground. I shook my head, trying to focus. I still needed to figure out what I was going to say to Jasper. Should I tell him before dinner or after? How will he take it? I can't see him taking it well…

I knocked on the door and Edward opened it, wearing a black suit, but no tie, so still a little casual. I leaned in to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck, close enough to whisper in his ear, "Tell Bella she looks nice. She's self conscious about the dress." He nodded his head into my shoulder as I passed him. My eyes glanced back for a moment as Edward stepped outside to speak to Bella. I caught her eyes and I could tell she didn't want me to leave, but I had to find Jasper.

I walked into the living area, where lots of people were drinking wine and champagne. I spotted Jasper sitting next to his father. He wore a light grey suit but no tie. The first few buttons of his crisp, white shirt were undone and he looked every inch the true gentleman. He was so very handsome; it was something I could acknowledge, but it just didn't make me feel the things that it should. Jasper lifted his head, a smile reaching his lips as he saw me. His tall frame crossed the room in only a few strides.

"Hey," he breathed, leaning in for a kiss.

It was only a quick peck on the lips but it still made my heart sink into my chest with guilt. Jasper placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding us onto the couch.

"How are you? I feel like I never get to see you anymore," He whispered under the dull roar of conversation.

"I'm good. I've just been busy with practice and homework and stuff," I lied. I had been avoiding him.

"We should take a day off and go to Seattle," Jasper smiled and it was hard to look at him when I knew what was coming.

I opened my mouth to answer but before I could, Esme clinked a glass and announced that everyone should come into the dining room. The long dining table was perfectly set for twenty-six people. We took a seat at the end of the table and Edward and Bella sat across from us. Emmett was seated next to me with Rosalie beside him. Emmett started a conversation about football and that seemed to take over for the most part. I stayed quiet, mostly just watching everyone else. Bella contributed more than I did, even messing Edward's hair when he said something about her bike. It was hard to imagine she was the same girl I had sat next to in English class a few weeks ago; the girl who was too afraid to engage anyone in conversation, never mind touch them.

"Alice? Alice, are you okay?" Jasper spoke in a low tone, only to me.

I shook the daydream from my head, coming back into the conversation, "Yeah."

"Are you sure? You haven't said much all night and you barely touched your food. Are you feeling all right? Want me to take you home?" He asked sweetly, putting his hand over mine.

"I'm fine, Jazz, I just have a lot on my mind." I pulled my hand from under his, placing it in my lap.

"Anything you want to talk about?" He leaned forward, his messy blonde hair falling over his eyes.

I had a lot of talking to do but… I bit my lip, not knowing if I should say yes or no. I looked across the table to see Bella looking at me, as if she could tell I was having an internal battle with myself. Then she mouthed something in my direction. I wasn't sure what, but it seemed like, 'It's going to be okay.'

"Yes, I need to talk to you about something," the words seemed to carry a ton weight.

Dessert had finished and people were just sitting having a drink. Some had moved to the kitchen and others had retired to other rooms within the house. It was good that no one would notice if we disappeared for a little bit.

I suddenly felt hot and trapped, as I fanned my face with my hand. "Can we go outside?"

"Sure, I'll meet you in a minute. I have to get something," Jasper said, slinking off in the opposite direction.

I headed into the back yard. Esme had a beautiful garden and this was where we always played as kids because it had the most room. I had so many memories of running around here, playing so many games. It felt good to remember. I took a seat at the old wooden picnic bench, under the gazebo at the top of the yard. I closed my eyes, running my hand through my short, spiky hair. I had never broken up with anyone before…

"Hey, look what I got," Jasper whispered, shocking me back to reality.

In his hand he held a large, green glass bottle with a gold label, instantly recognizable as champagne.

"Jazz, what are you doing? What's that for?"

"Well… I know it's stupid but it's been three months since you agreed to be my girlfriend and I thought we should celebrate." Jasper got quiet before adding, "It's been the best three months of my life."

Every syllable made me feel worse than the last and I lowered my head into my hands. "Jazz, you know I love you."

"I love you too Ali," Jasper beamed.

This was it. But as I raised my head and took in the tall, handsome, blonde boy, I realized he wasn't just 'Jasper,' the person now standing in front of me. He was the boy I had grown up with. When I looked at him, I saw his whole life. I saw the boy who helped me ride my first bike and the boy who came with me to my very first swimming lesson. I closed my eyes as tears started to brim.

"But I'm not in love with you," I forced out in a gravelly voice, looking up at him.

The words seemed to take a moment to reach him and when they finally hit home, he took a step back.

"What do you mean?" His brow scrunched together. "Are you breaking up with me?" He placed the bottle on the table.

I couldn't reply verbally. I just nodded 'yes.'

"But… why? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong Jazz. We're just not… meant to be. We're not compatible." I didn't want him to blame himself.

"If we're not compatible then why do I love you?" Jasper begged taking a step forward.

I stood up pacing around the table, creating distance. "I don't know… you shouldn't love me, Jazz."

"But I do," Jasper argued, running his hand through his hair.

"I can't love you the way you love me. I thought I could, but I can't," I exhaled.

Jasper began to pace like a caged animal, his body just looking for an escape before he froze, his gaze piercing mine. "Is there someone else?"

I faltered. My lips trembled, mumbling incoherently.

"Who? Who is it?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," I tried to reason.

"It matters to me!" Jasper raised his voice, dragging his hand over his brow. He looked confused and angry, which he had every right to be. "Why? Why are you doing this to me?"

I choked; all the words I wanted to say getting caught in my throat. "I'm sorry."

I could tell from years of experience that he was trying to hold it together. I moved forward, putting my hand on his face and tracing his cheekbone with my thumb.

"Whoever it is, they won't love you like I do." Jasper spoke, before his body went rigid like steel, already trying to protect itself. He placed his hand over mine, grasping my fingers, removing my hand from his face and letting it fall.

"I know," I whispered. Jasper is, for all intents and purposes, perfect. He's never lied or cheated; he's attentive and thinks of my feelings. I wouldn't have to worry about what people think when I'm with him. I would be able to marry him without a second thought to the legality of the situation. But that's not my life. If I could love a man, it would be him… he's my best friend. No one could ever love me like he does.

The words, 'can we still be friends?' seemed to linger on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't know if it was too soon. I don't want to lose him… "Can we still be friends?"

Jasper left without another word and as he did, I couldn't seem to move. My head filled with screams only I could hear. I collapsed into the seat and it was only then that I realized it was starting to get dark. I took the champagne bottle by the neck, taking a quick drink, letting the liquid burn the back of my throat. The sensation was a distraction from my aching heart, so I did it again and again until it was all I could feel and I didn't have to think of anything else.

Minutes passed and no one came outside. I could hear car doors slamming and engines starting up. I walked around the side of the house, looking for my car when I realized that I had walked here. Yes, I had definitely walked here. Walking seemed like a good idea, as I headed down the gravel driveway. My head felt light and it wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. It was actually kind of nice. I tripped on my heel for just a second and as I reached out to grab something, I hit nothing but air and I fell to the ground, scratching my knee. I reached for my phone and the first name that appeared was 'Bella.' She was the first person in my contacts. I stared at the screen for a moment… I just wanted to hear her voice; to tell her I did the right thing: I broke it off with Jasper. Not so I could be with her, but so I could be me. I held the phone up to my ear, whilst at the same time trying to take off my shoe, which was beginning to hurt. Why'd I wear these damn things anyway?

The phone rang and rang until a voice suddenly spoke, "Hello."

**A/N Thank you for reading. I hope you all felt for Jasper like I did. **


	13. Trust

**A/N Posting this chapter because I just saw breaking dawn and thought it was great and it put me in the mood to post. Big thanks to everyone who reads and reviews you guys are also great and one person in general is just amazing my personal fairy grammar mother Beetlebum101:] **

I felt myself teetering on the edge of sleep, heavy eyelids losing the continuing battle to stay awake, when my phone buzzed. The obnoxious noise filled the room, as the plastic rattled against the wood of the nightstand. Lazily, I outstretched my hand, mindlessly searching until I felt it on the edge of my fingertips. Cracking one eye open, my pupil constricted painfully as I saw Alice's name flash across the screen. "Hello," I answered sitting up, my voice rough and thick with sleep. I cleared my throat as I heard a crackling and crunching noise in the background.

"I did it… I told him the truth and now he hates me," Alice slurred slightly into the phone. "I've lost him. He'll never want to speak to me again."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you, he just needs time." I shook my head pressing my thumb and forefinger into my closed eyes, trying to pry them awake. "Have you been drinking?" I asked curiously.

"It was our three month anniversary… three months and he..."

I didn't catch the rest, but I could tell that was a 'yes.' "Where are you? Are you home?" I rambled quickly.

"I'm…. sitting… on a driveway."

A driveway? My mind started to run with possibilities. "Whose driveway? Yours?"

"No… I'm walking. I can walk now, I got these heels off," Alice spoke determinedly.

Great! Now she's barefoot. Nothing was getting through to her. I bit my lip, pressing the phone close to my face. "Alice… listen to me for a second, okay? I want you to go to Edward's house. I'm going to call him to come and get you."

"No! I'm fine, I'm almost there. You know I really wanted to tell you something… you looked really pretty tonight in a dressssss…." Alice slurred, and I would have laughed if I weren't so insanely worried.

I couldn't let her walk home alone drunk. I walked around my room, quickly pulling on a pair of jeans and heading down stairs. "Alice, I'm gonna come get you, okay? Stay where you are," I said, with an authoritative tone masking my anxiety.

A thought ran through my head. I couldn't take the bike, she was drunk. I grabbed Charlie's extra truck keys that he kept by the door and hurried outside. It was freezing as the cool air hit and I slipped my arms into my jacket, zipping it all the way to the neck. Charlie's black truck was so shiny; I could almost see my reflection in the door. My hand faltered for a moment, but it was a moment I couldn't afford as I opened the door, pulling myself inside. I reasoned, if I just did it and didn't think about it, that it might help me. I put the keys in the ignition and started the truck, hitting the clutch and putting it into drive. It all seemed to go easily until I had to move and suddenly the road seemed so very far away. I took a steady breath, tentatively pushing the accelerator and the truck crawled forward.

My knuckles turned white from the force with which I held the steering wheel, and I couldn't seem to control my leg from twitching every so often, but other than that, I was driving a car again… well, a truck. It seemed to be fine. I passed Alice's house. I watched the speed limit, the dial barely hitting twenty. Crawling along the dark, empty streets, I kept my mind busy looking for Alice; she couldn't have been far off the Cullen's driveway. The edge of the forest was black; an empty abyss that seemed to stare back, whispering into the night just how small and meaningless you really are. The headlights moved with the curve of the road, casting long shadows. Picking up the shape of a figure by the side of the road, my heart leapt in my chest and I knew it was her. A sensation of relief burst from my heart and inhabited the rest of my body, knowing I could see her with my own eyes and that she was safe. It was like releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding… How could she be so stupid?

I pulled the truck over, leaving the headlights on, illuminating the small patch of road.

"Alice!" I yelled, slamming the door to the truck. I quickened my pace, closing the gap between us. "Alice how could you be so stupid? Do you know how dangerous it is to walk at the side of the road at night; drunk no less!" My mouth spewed the words before I even had time to think. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to her.

"Don't yell at me," She pouted, taking a step back.

I held out my hand for her, as I looked her up and down. Her dress was dirty at the ends, like she had sat on the ground, and her knee was scuffed with what looked like dry blood. "Alice, you're hurt. Please, get in the truck."

"No!" She swung her shoes at me. "You yelled at me! I don't like it when you yell."

Drunken Alice was not someone I had been prepared to talk to. "I'm sorry I yelled, okay? I was just worried." I lightened my voice, like how you would talk to a young child.

Alice looked at me for a second, her big doe eyes melting my heart. I was afraid she might run off by the way she was looking at me, doubt crossing her mind, but she seemed to believe me. Taking my hand, I pulled her into my side, keeping her steady as she walked; although, she seemed to be able to walk steadily enough on her own. Her touch made me shiver; her arms felt like ice, as I helped her into the truck. I put the heat to full as soon as I got in my own side. I shrugged off my jacket, putting it around her shoulders and pulling it along her arms, trying to warm her up. "You'll catch a death." I repeated what my grandma used to always say to me when I played out in the cold.

"Thank... thank you for coming to get me," Alice tried to speak, in between shivers and teeth chattering.

"You need a hot shower," I replied.

Alice looked at the clock, suddenly seeming a lot more coherent. "What time is it?" She squinted.

Then again maybe not… "It's midnight," I responded.

Alice rubbed her eyes. "I can't go home; my mom and dad will ground me for the rest of my life."

"When's your curfew?"

"They think I'm staying at Rose's," Alice replied, pulling her legs up onto the seat, wrapping her arms around them.

Then where was she? Rose should have been looking after her.

"But I told her I would to go home instead," Alice added.

Great. Only really one option to keep her out of trouble then; she couldn't go home looking like this. "You can stay with me," I said, starting the truck and putting it into drive.

"Thanks!" Alice cheered, shooting across the seats, wrapping her arms around my torso. It felt like ice. A shiver ran down my spine, as Alice seemed to move closer into my warmth.

"Put your seatbelt on," I deadpanned, refusing to move the truck until she did so.

Alice detached herself from my body and as soon as she did, I wanted her back. I could almost feel myself about to say it too when I stopped myself, swallowing back the words like hard candy.

Alice laid her head back, closing her eyes and I prayed to anyone that would listen that she did not throw up in Charlie's truck. I could just imagine myself trying to explain that one away tomorrow morning. "Charlie took a night shift at the Grisham Mill, so he shouldn't be back for at least a few hours yet." I was glad that he wouldn't be back and that he took his cruiser. At least there was a little luck on my side.

A car approached on the other side of the road: a jeep with big headlights. As it passed, the lights seemed to drown out every shadow, every color, leaving nothing but a blinding, white light. A memory of rain and headlights flashed in my head; the sound of a horn and rubber screeching on asphalt; glass shattering into a thousand tiny crystals and the final high pitched screech of metal twisting, as it gave way to the pressure. I hit the brakes hard, propelling us to a stop. I shot my arm out, holding Alice back. The jeep passed and I could hear my own erratic breathing, as I took long, sharp breaths through my nostrils.

"Are you okay?" I spoke, looking at Alice. She seemed a little dazed, but fine.

I straightened my back against the soft leather of the seat, looking out onto the empty road… nothing's there…nothing's there, I repeated over and over, until I could move my shaking hand back to the ignition. The rest of the drive was fine. As I pulled up, I tried to position the truck the same way as Charlie had left it. The less I had to explain, the better.

"Come on," I motioned to Alice.

I flicked the light on, re-locking the door and hanging up Charlie's keys. In the light, Alice looked a lot worse for wear. I told her to sit on the couch, as I grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen.

She sat on the couch, staring at the TV (which was turned off), her hands folded neatly in her lap. I couldn't tell if she was still buzzed or just thinking. I kneeled on the floor, taking an alcoholic wipe from the kit.

"This might sting a bit." She didn't seem to hear me as I touched her leg, cleaning up the dry blood and bits of dirt. I passed it over a cut and she flinched. She was still alive. I smiled, "Good, you're still alive. We won't have to cut off the leg." I tried a lame attempt at humor.

Alice's lip twitched in a smile, but it was small and didn't reach her eyes. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened with Jasper.

"You should take a shower. I'll get you a towel and a change of clothes." I moved slowly to the stairs. As soon as my hand hit the railing, Alice uttered her first real words since she got in the truck.

"You drove." She looked at me quizzically.

It wasn't a question, just more of a statement of fact. I stared at the wall thinking what I could possibly say back… '_I did it for you'?_

"Yes," I replied, all emotion gone from my voice.

I searched my room for some clothing that might fit, when I saw Alice's shirt neatly folded on my desk. I picked it up, weighing it in my hand, before I opened the desk drawer, placing it in the back and quickly closing it when I heard the faint dull thud of footsteps. After nothing happened, I heard running water and realized she was in the shower. I gathered an old t-shirt and some pajama pants that were newly washed. I nervously stood outside the bathroom, neatly folded pile of clothes in hand. The buzzing noise of the water seemed to be the soundtrack to an internal battle. Did she expect me to leave them here? Should I knock? I raised my hand in a fist, wavering before I knocked, waiting for a moment before I tried the handle. It was unlocked.

I opened the door only a fraction, as steam billowed out, disappearing into the hall. I put the items on the floor and nudged them in with my foot. "Alice, some clothes and stuff," I spoke, closing the door. I waited until I heard the shower turn off before I got into bed, setting my alarm. The lamp still illuminated the room as I heard the door creak open and I flipped onto my other side, facing the door.

Alice's normally spiky hair was lying flat against her face, the minimal make-up she wore, completely stripped away. She held her tattered dress in her hand and proceeded to drop it to the floor. "Can I?" She gestured to the bed and I nodded a 'yes.'

This wasn't how I imagined getting Alice into my bed but hey, roll with the punches right? The pajamas I gave her were a dull grey and dragged along the floor as she walked. There was so much I wanted to say but I stayed quiet, hoping she would speak first. She slipped under the purple comforter, resting her head against the pillow. We looked eye to eye. A strand of hair fell over her face and I itched to put it back, but I kept my hands still.

"You can trust me," I gazed into her beautiful blue irises.

"Really?"

"Yes," I spoke, reaching out for her hand under the comforter, I clutched at her fingers, desperate for any connection. I hoped in a way she would be able to feel what I feel when I spoke the words.

"Have you ever lied to me?"

"Yes," I replied, honestly.

"Then how can I trust you?" Alice spoke calmly, her face betraying no emotion.

"I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I can't promise not to lie or say the wrong thing or not get mad," I confessed.

Alice pulled her hand from mine. "He was right," she sighed before turning over, leaving me to my own thoughts.

**A/N Thank you for reading. **


	14. What's Missing?

**A/N Sorry guys for the long hiatus on this story, but good news I do have an ending and I will now post regularly until the end then maybe an epilogue. Thanks again to beetlebum101 for being my fairy grammar mother:] Also thank you to everyone who reviews they are the reason I continued to write. So thank you everyone and sorry again. **

_Previously on Flume _

"You can trust me," I gazed into her beautiful blue irises.

"Really?"

"Yes," I spoke, reaching out for her hand under the comforter, I clutched at her fingers, desperate for any connection. I hoped in a way she would be able to feel what I feel when I spoke the words.

"Have you ever lied to me?"

"Yes," I replied, honestly.

"Then how can I trust you?" Alice spoke calmly, her face betraying no emotion.

"I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I can't promise not to lie or say the wrong thing or not get mad," I confessed.

Alice pulled her hand from mine. "He was right," she sighed before turning over, leaving me to my own thoughts.

Chapter 14

The repetitive sound of my alarm blared as I rolled over expecting to see a small sleeping body lying next to mine, but there was nothing… _Was it just a dream?_ My subconscious seemed to whisper. I ran my hand over the sheets, smoothing out the creases, hoping to feel the warmth from her skin on my hand but it was cold. She had been gone for a while. I hit the snooze button on the alarm, noticing a torn piece of paper tucked underneath that hadn't been there before.

_Bella, thank you for last night. Sorry for how I acted. I thought it was best if I left before Charlie woke up. See you at school. _

I sat on the edge of the bed, my bare feet rooted to the floor as I scanned the letter again, flipping it over in case I missed some sort of secret hidden section, but no… the letter was generic; not giving away any real detail. It was hard to believe that Alice even wrote it. If it wasn't for the fact that I was certain she had been here last night, I could have sworn it was someone else.

I left early to avoid Charlie and to make sure I got to school before Alice showed up. Only two cars were there when I reached the school: Mike Newton's and Angela's. I let my bike Idle, purposely choosing the spot beside the one I knew Rosalie always parked in. No one else dared to take her spot. She might as well have a plaque made up saying, 'Rosalie Hale - President Bitch of the student body'. Not that I could talk, most people think I could give her a run for her money.

Angela approached, heading in the direction of the school building, holding a large textbook in one hand and a camera causally slung around her neck.

"Angela!" I shouted, making her jump. She looked at me cautiously as I waved her over. Angela was one of the nicest people at this school and I had never once been nice to her. The reverberating guilt made it easier for me to sound sincere, "Angela, I was wondering if you still wanted to do that story for the paper. I'm sorry I went off at you last time, you didn't deserve that."

"That's okay. It can't be easy to have your life on display like that." Angela smiled, fiddling with the edge of her glasses. "Sorry if you thought I was prying." Angela had the sort of glasses you'd expect on to see on a fifty year old librarian, but she was pretty and managed to pull them off with a kind of fashionable yet geeky look.

I laughed in my head. Yeah, 'display' was the right word. Having thousands of people stare at you while you're in nothing but a bathing suit... "You get used to it. And this is one of those times where, really, it's not you, it's me." I laughed a real laugh.

"Well sure, I'll make up some questions and we can do them some time before history next week?" Angela questioned, her voice wavering, but a tentative smile playing on her lips.

"Sounds great."

Angela fidgeted, moving from side to side, looking over her shoulder towards the school building, "Um… I have to get going." She pointed with her thumb and if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was nervous.

"See you in class," I said casually, leaning against the edge of my bike.

"Yeah… class." Angela spun on her foot as I watched her leave, shaking my head and trying to suppress a grin. Were people actually afraid of me? It was too crazy to think of.

I kept my eyes on the street as car after car took their place, but no cherry red BMW. It was a hard car to miss. When it finally rolled in, everyone noticed; the red glossy sheen acting as a sirens call for adolescent eyes. Rosalie slipped into her usual parking space, top down, looking like she should be mid-shoot for some Katy Perry music video. Alice was seated in the passenger's side and Emmett sat in the back. He was the first to hop out, not bothering to use a door as he threw his massive frame over the side of the car with one hand.

"Hey, Bella." He waved and I took the opportunity to approach.

"Morning, Emmett."

"You waiting for Eddie boy?" He winked, sporting a childish grin and I wanted to face palm, thinking about last night and being introduced to Edward parents. That was an embarrassment I did not want to relive.

Talk of the devil and he shall appear. Edward's Volvo lagged behind, parking next to the BMW. I didn't bother answering as Alice got out of the car, her hair back to its normally spiky nature. One thing did catch my eye though - the dark tinted sunglasses. I didn't think they even sold sunglasses here.

"Good morning, Alice… nice sunglasses," I added with a knowing smirk.

I wanted to talk alone but as Edward joined us I could only glance at her every so often. I wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling, if she remembered what she said last night…

"Beat you again Edward, it might be time to trade in. I'm sure there's a soccer mom somewhere just dying for the chance to own your precious Volvo," Rosalie taunted. "Remind me again, does it specify exactly how many grocery bags you can fit in the trunk?"

Edward clicked the lock on his keys with a smile, "I don't care, I am not selling my Volvo. And why do you care? Looks like you got enough junk in your trunk."

"Don't be a sore loser Eddie," Emmett butted in, grabbing his brother in a headlock.

"Emmett… get off… get off!" Edward coughed, punching Emmett in his biceps and Emmett released him.

"When was the last time you had a shower?" Edward looked disgusted, his mouth curling up. "You smell like a dead gorilla."

Emmett lifted his arm, smelling his own armpit with a shrug. "Smells fine to me."

"Come on monkey man," Rosalie cooed, pulling Emmett's shirt. The two lovebirds left, leaving the rest of us to mill around awkwardly.

I scratched the back of my head, trying to find a reason to get Alice alone. Maybe something to do with practice? Or I could walk her to class? Or I could kill Edward... The possibilities were endless.

"Bella, could I talk to you for a minute?" Alice spoke and both of our heads whipped to Edward.

"Okay guys, I get the hint," Edward held up his hands in surrender, walking backwards and heading towards the building. As soon as he was out of sight, I turned back to Alice.

I uncrossed my arms, taking a step forward so we were almost toe-to-toe. "You didn't have to leave this morning."

"Yeah, did you want to explain that one to Charlie?"

I didn't care, we weren't doing anything wrong. "I don't care what Charlie would have thought." I tilted my head with an exhausted sigh.

"I just thought it was the smart thing to do…"

"Are you okay? You were pretty upset last night." I stared at my shoe as I spoke, examining a small tear on my left shoe. It was beginning to fray.

Alice sighed removing the sunglasses; the rings under her eyes were worrying. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just lost one of my best friends; I don't know what to think."

Her eyes avoided mine and I cursed myself for never knowing how to act in these situations. I wanted to hug her and I didn't see any reason to hold back. Pulling her into my waist, she rested her head on my shoulder.

Knowing the things I know now, I wish I could have gone back and treated Alice right. But maybe this was the way it was supposed to happen. I didn't know what to say, I was hoping the perfect words would just come to me and I could instantly make her happy again. I pressed my cheek lightly against her hair, the small spikes tickling my face.

"You didn't see how broken he looked. What I did to him… he'll never forgive me. I used him," Alice mumbled into my shoulder.

I think I felt this coming, as Alice stood gripping the sides of my jacket balling them up into her fists. I knew nothing good would come, however necessary it was. My body ached to protect her from her own mistakes.

"I'm sorry," I exhaled, looking down at her and trying to express it with a look or a touch.

"I'm sorry about what I said last night. I don't expect you to be perfect… to be honest, I kinda like you the way you are." She cracked a smile.

"Really? Even if my mood swings give you whiplash?" I raised an eyebrow as Alice took a step back, leaving me to my own lonely body.

Her mouth curled to an 's' shape, "It's okay, I have good health coverage."

I let out a laugh, choking back the cold air. Alice began talking about one of her classes when I saw Jasper appear behind her. He didn't look at us and seemed to be making a bee line for the building. As he passed, Alice's head flicked to the side and their eyes met for a moment, before continuing on like nothing had happened. They acted like two strangers passing on a crowded street.

"Do you want me to walk you to class?" I asked, trying to take her mind from the situation.

"No… no that's okay. I'll see you in class." Alice waved as we parted ways.

Classes were more of the same and my body seemed to itch to get to English class. In English we were studying a book of short stories. Miss Jacobs made me help to put them out on the desks, seeing as I was early to the class. Alice came in just as I was putting down the last few books.

"Boo," I whispered, as she seemed distracted.

Alice flinched, not finding the funny side, but not scowling either. I took my seat and as I did I could almost feel the sadness radiating from her. I stayed quiet, taking out my things and placing them on the table. I took out my pen and began doodling, as I usually did.

"Who still uses a fountain pen these days? You're like Harry Potter or something, only less magical and with better hair."

I turned to see Alice staring at me, "less magical?" I gasped. "That's almost hurtful. And Harry Potter doesn't use a fountain pen, it's a quill."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Sorry."

"You should be; I'm very magical." I picked up my pen, continuing to doodle nothing in particular and trying not to smile.

"Would you sit with us at lunch today?" Alice questioned, picking at the edge of the table.

_Ugh…_ the sound of indecision rolled in my head. I couldn't see a big problem with it. I just didn't want it to seem like I was taking Jasper's place. I wanted to be there for Alice but there would be that awkward moment at lunch when the first person got wind of it and it'll spread like wildfire, the entirety of the school finding out before the last bell... "Sure."

We didn't get to talk much once class started and the bell rang with us splitting directions. I noticed Jasper in the hall as I headed to third period and it reminded me of that first day when I walked into him and he was so polite to me. I shook the memories from my head. Media was quiet as we watched another movie and left early. Emmett walked beside me as usual, as we both headed towards the gym.

"I just can't take anything dubbed, seriously… I mean Jet Li is awesome but it just…" Emmett sucked the air through his teeth, unable to explain himself.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I added.

The conversation lulled and Emmett scratched his head. "Do you know what's going on with Alice?" He asked from out of the blue.

Emmett cared about his friends fiercely, but I didn't know what my place was to say anything. "Why are you asking me?"

"I don't know, you guys spend a lot of time together now. I thought she might have told you something. I think she broke up with Jasper."

My curiosity peaked and I began to fish for information. "You think?"

"Well, I overheard her talking to Rose in the car but you know girls… Rosalie hates my guts all the time, she swears, and says she never wants to see me again, but it only lasts a day… then the make-up sex is..."

I cut Emmett off before the visual, "Emmett, Emmett, that's enough, really. I think it's for real this time. Some things just don't work out."

We stopped at Emmett's locker, the hallway empty as I stared at the shiny checkerboard floor.

"It's sad because the dude is totally balls over heels in love with her. But I think it's for the best."

That struck me as strange, and not just the 'balls over heels' comment. Emmett closed his locker, leaning in close to my face.

"I think Alice might swim for your team, if you know what I mean." Emmett whispered, with a knowing squint of his eye, before he continued down the hall.

It took a moment for me to understand what he was saying. My body, momentarily stunned, pushed itself from the lockers and quickly caught up. "What?"

"Not that I mind, I mean, maybe I'm wrong or she's bi. But I have an amazing gaydar. Pegged you on the first day. Won fifty bucks from Edward… thanks for that by the way."

Do I smell like a rainbow? How did he…? I was amazed he was still speaking,

"Maybe you should ask her on a date," he continued. "Maybe in a little while though, don't want to be the re-bound."

"So, you'd be good with that… I mean if that were true," my hands seemed to linger in the air, as if they were trying to physically sort the words coming from my mouth.

"Why not? Unless you're actually interested in my brother?" He raised an eyebrow.

I thought it over, my mind still reeling. "No, of course not, we're just friends. I just went to that dinner to get your mom off his back." With such a good gaydar you'd think he would be able to tell that his own brother was gay, but I guess we see what we want to see.

"Okay, just asking. You should teach him how to pick up chicks 'cause I've tried and he's just always in those medical books." Emmett threw his hands in the air. "I even got him 'dating for dummies' for his birthday, still nothing."

I shrugged, "Maybe he's just shy."

Emmett nodded as we parted ways to change. Since I had done what he said, Coach Damon had actually been pretty nice to me. Well, if you count less dodge ball as a nice gesture. We were split into teams for badminton and I was stuck with Mike who, I had to say, did most of the work. Either that or it was a pre-emptive strike at protecting himself from injury. After the game I took a seat on the rubbery green floor, crossing my legs and watching the other teams play. Alice was paired with Eric who looked about as useless as me at badminton. Where was the need to learn badminton anyway? Emergency garden party?

"Swan," a voice bellowed from behind me and I could tell he was close.

I groaned, craning my neck, too lazy to bother moving, especially for him.

"Practice tonight after school. Don't be late." He smiled that sickly sweet smile, like a cat that had found a mouse to play with, before it was finally consumed and put out its misery.

"I won't be." I said, turning back to the games.

Coach blew the whistle and I hurried to leave, picking myself up from the floor and scanning the room. Emmett had his arm around Alice as they walked out. The way Emmett was bent down with his eyes narrowed meant he was listening intently. Obviously she was talking about something serious. I blended into the crowd of people all bustling for the locker room. It was a kind of unwritten rule that you didn't hang around or look at anyone to long while changing. I pulled on my white t-shirt with an old, dark green shirt over the top. Emmett was already leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, one foot on the floor and one on the wall when I emerged from the girls' locker room.

"I'm having lunch with you guys today," I stated nervously. But it was Emmett. I didn't even know what there was to be nervous about.

"Yeah, Ali told me." With that, Alice came out of the changing room looking flushed.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine. It's just a little hot in here, I could use a drink."

"Me too," Emmett cut in, pulling the collar of his shirt.

We got our food and made our way to their usual table in the corner. We were the first ones there. As we sat down, Emmett let his two trays fall. I knew he was a big guy but even for him that seemed a lot.

"What did coach want to speak to you about?" Alice asked, digging a fork into her salad.

"He was just reminding me about practice." I replied, cracking open the lid to my bottle of water.

"Practice for what?" Emmett cut in.

"Swim practice. I joined the team."

Emmett smiled, before Alice cut in, "Not just joined, you're captain."

Emmett's smile faltered as he looked between us. "Yeah, but it's not like I do anything. If you want the title…" I stopped talking as I felt something strange. It was almost like I could feel holes being burrowed into the back of my head.

I turned to see Rosalie shadowing over me. She walked round the table, taking a seat next to Emmett.

"Why is she sitting here?" Rosalie spoke only to Alice, like I wasn't even here.

"Rose," Alice fought back, the tone in her voice low and threatening.

"Okay, but don't–"

"Rose," Alice repeated, leaning over the table. The two girls were having an unspoken conversation and Emmett and I traded confused glances before Rosalie looked away.

"Fine," Rosalie smiled, taking one of the trays from Emmett.

The table was silent as we all ate and I could see even Emmett going over what had just transpired. I gave Alice a thoughtful look, hoping she might say something but she didn't.

"What did I miss?" Edward spoke, standing behind the blue plastic chair and gripping onto the edge of his tray.

"Nothing," Emmett piped up.

The silence was killing me. I looked at the plastic fork on the edge of my tray, wondering how much force it would actually take to stab myself in the neck. The gruesome image of blood pouring from my neck, my dead body lying, passed out over the table seemed the less painful option at the moment.

"So Edward," I spoke up, effectively cutting the silence. "A Volvo… do ovaries come as standard with that edition, or did you have to pay extra?" I inquired.

There was a moment before Emmett smacked the table with his fist, a deep guttural laugh filling the entire cafeteria, soon followed by Alice and even Rosalie had to bite her lip.

"Good one," Edward spoke. "Now can we all just leave my car alone?" He lowered his head and bit into his sandwich with a satisfied smirk, trying to prove he was not bothered about the joke.

After the laughter died down and the pace got back to normal, there was a moment when Emmett froze, looking over the heard of students and we followed suit. Jasper stood, tray in hand, looking over empty tables, before his eyes settled on a table of senior jock type guys.

"What is he doing?" Emmett wondered out loud. It was something I liked about Emmett: he didn't seem to have a thought he wouldn't happily tell you about.

"He's just being stupid," Rosalie replied, moving her gaze back to the table.

Emmett seemed torn, as he looked uncomfortable between his two longtime friends. "Ali, I love you, but I don't want to choose sides." He looked apologetically towards Alice.

Edward sighed, sliding his tray forward to lean his elbows against the table, "No one's choosing sides."

"Not like he's giving us much of a chance to," Rosalie frowned and even with all her vanity and bravado, she seemed to be affected.

Alice stayed quiet, staring at her tray like it had all the answers written on it and she just couldn't find them. I sought out her hand under the table, giving it a squeeze; just a reminder that I was here and that I was on her side. She squeezed back in a silent thank you, keeping our hands intertwined and resting on her knee.

"You guys can go sit with him if you want to," Alice spoke. "I mean, I broke up with him. I should be the one to lose my friends."

"No one's losing anyone. Stop being so dramatic," Rosalie scolded, with a roll of her eyes. "Give him a few days, he'll be fine."

Everyone seemed to accept what Rosalie said and maybe she was right. Or maybe she was just telling herself what she wanted to believe. It takes more than a few days to mend a broken heart.

Conversation moved on and I never really spoke much, I was just happy that Rosalie seemed to speak to me and look at me like a normal human being. I knew the only reason she acted so coldly towards me was because of how I had treated Alice in the past, and I couldn't blame her for that. She was loyal; all her friends were. Something about them felt special; like being a part of their group was no small feat and now that I was almost in, would they protect me to?

Edward and I walked together to Biology and he seemed to scan the halls before speaking. "I talked to Jasper third period. He's pretty beat up."

What did he want me to do about it? "I'm sure he'll get over it."

"Yeah, but I don't want to choose sides. We've been friends since pre-school, it just feels weird, you know?"

"Nope, I don't know." I was standing in the middle of a situation and I had no idea how deep it ran. I just had to stand in the water and hope I didn't get dragged away by the current.

"It's like… have you ever played that memory game where they put objects on a table and you have to memorize them, then they take one away and you look at the table and you know something's missing, you just can't tell what?"

I nodded. "But you knew this was coming."

"Yeah," Edward drawled, "but I don't think I was prepared for it."

We reached the Bio lab, taking our table. The rest of the classroom was still empty.

"That's why I'm never dating a girl," Edward shook his head. "Speaking of dating girls, you spoken to Alice yet?"

"Not yet, she's taking it hard as well. It just never seems like the right time to bring it up." I wanted to but I didn't want to seem insensitive.

"Well, I'm pretty sure she'd say yes if you asked." Edward smiled his usual crooked grin.

A thought seemed to flash in my head… I had to ask her out. I mean, yeah, we had already kissed and I knew she liked me, but I still had to say the words and take her on a date and do all that other high school stuff. I didn't know whether to smile or throw up. I had never asked a girl out before, or even gone on a date. Well, there was that time with Tim when I was fifteen, but I knew I didn't like him so there was no pressure.

"I forgot about the whole dating thing…" I spoke, sucking in my bottom lip and biting the soft skin. Edward chuckled and I swiftly hit him in the arm with the back of my hand. "It's not funny."

"It is. You're scared. Scared of Alice," Edward repeated.

I was. I was scared of Alice. She had gotten under my skin and into my heart. She could hurt me. Biology passed and I couldn't remember a word Mr. Banner said, as I couldn't get Alice out of my head. Anytime I thought about her, I couldn't help but smile and I thought about her a lot. I worried about her and I liked to hear her laugh. I _loved_ to make her laugh… was I in love with her?

Crap.

I took my seat in art, thinking it over and over. Was I in love with Alice? Even as I said it in my head, a little voice spoke, 'yes, finally you get it.' I spent thirty minutes staring at my piece of blank paper. There were a few lines and then nothing.

"Not feeling inspired today Bella?" Miss Henderson spoke from over my shoulder, giving me a fright. "Don't be too hard on yourself, some days are better than others." She smiled, throwing her blond hair over her shoulder.

Miss Henderson was the kind of 'I'll be your friend' teacher that everybody loved, and with good reason. She was nice and easy to get along with.

"Sorry." I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to clear my throat.

She waved it off, leaning against one of the desks. The bell rang and I shot up, grabbing all my pencils in one hand.

"Wait Bella, I wanted to talk to you about something."

I edged towards the door, not wanting to be late. It wasn't the best that I was on the opposite side of the school. "Can we leave it 'til tomorrow? Coach says I can't be late." I tried hard to sound desperate, though I couldn't have cared less about coach and what he wanted. I wanted to see Alice.

Miss Henderson nodded and I made a sprint for the gym. I weaved through students who were lazily making their way to the parking lot and arrived back at the locker room I had been at only hours earlier. I quickly got changed, throwing a pair of sweat pants back on over my suit. As I stuffed my things back into my locker, Emily, one of the girls on the team, came in with a smile and I was glad not everyone hated me.

"Hey, Captain," she spoke, moving to her locker.

I didn't need any reminders of what I had unfairly taken. "Please don't call me that, just Bella is fine."

"Sure. But hey, you deserved it."

I didn't feel like I did. Tanya and Jane, a freshman on the team, entered. Jane was the smallest and youngest on the team but far from the nicest. Sometimes I think she just did it to impress Tanya, who was a year older than her and, by her accounts, wiser. I didn't want to hang around: it just gave them the ammo for the gay bashing jokes I was sure to get.

"See you out there." I waved to Emily.

I sat on the bleachers watching the water ripple, smelling the familiar smell of the water. It seemed I would forever remember this smell. It would be ingrained into my life and it would bring back memories, not all of which were bad.

I chuckled at the memory of when, during a meet, a girl cut into my lane and my mom starting screaming at the other girl's mom. I got so distracted I lost the match, but we still went for ice cream. That was our ritual usually when I won. Mom had said it was a 'moral victory,' whatever that was. Not that eleven year olds care how they get ice cream.

Kate, Emily and Alice walked in, all wearing matching school tracksuits over their swimming stuff. I hadn't got one yet. I guess they were still finding my size. They were slowly followed by Tanya, Jane and Lauren. Kate slid along the bench, ending up rather close to me.

"Kate Denali," She held out her hand and I gave it a quick shake.

"Bella Swan," I replied.

"Oh, I know who you are." Her eyes widened.

Kate went on to explain how but I couldn't help but look past her towards Alice.

I didn't feel any giant leap when I looked at her, but then again, was I expecting a giant sign to go off with lights and fireworks telling me I was right?

Coach Damon burst in, the sound of the metal handle slamming against the tile jarring everyone awake. He carried some sort of board and metal thing. He set up the board, which turned out to be a large pad of paper and a tripod to hold it.

"Right, enough chat! Listen up. I have one word on my mind lately and that word is: 'record breaking.' He flipped the first page, showing 'record breaking' written as one word in his messy black scrawl.

"Well it obviously wasn't 'dictionary'," I thought out loud, earning a muffled giggle.

"So!" He spoke louder, flipping the page. "These are the times of all the nationally held records and what they are for. Read them, memorize them." He looked sharply at us, flipping the page again. "Here are your best times so far this season… they are not record breaking. Not even you, Swan. No one likes a washed up athlete."

_Why I_… my thoughts rambled, replaying the image of me storming up to his ugly face and punching him square in the jaw. My hand curled into a fist instinctively, as I had to pull myself back, trying to take a calming breath.

He continued to spew his thoughts. "So I want every one of you to improve your best time this week and if you do not, you will not get to compete in the dual meet I set up with our rivals in Seattle. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Coach," some of the girls answered, like a military reaction.

Why didn't we just call, 'sir, yes sir' and Full Metal Jacket this situation? I had met some crazy coaches in my years, but he was new.

"Okay." He clapped his hands pacing the floor. "What is one of the best ways to improve your time? Anyone?"

"Be quick off the blocks," Jane's high voice called out from behind.

"Yes, exactly! Everyone on the blocks," Coach bellowed.

We all followed, taking off our sweats and putting on caps and goggles. As we walked to the blocks, I tried to get the block next to Alice. I wanted to lean over and whisper, 'can we talk,' despite knowing that it was a stupid time, but my mind just wouldn't seem to let up.

"Okay, everyone into position."

I stood on the block, stretching my shoulders as I leaned over. I let my nails lightly drag over the top of my feet, _one… two... three_. It was a silly ritual but I had always done it. Three was my lucky number.

Coach Damon paced the side of the pool, white starter pistol in hand. "Now, the thing to remember is not to hesitate. If you hesitate you lose precious seconds. Don't be afraid of the starter pistol. As soon as you hear the noise, go. Don't think about it, just do it." He held the pistol above his head. "Remember: no hesitation, no fear!"

The pistol cracked and a tremor reverberated through my body.

I hesitated.

**A/N Thanks for reading, any questions or thoughts please leave them in a review:] **


	15. Jolene

**A/N Hi everybody, thanks for still reading and the reviews as always:] This chapter has a special place in my heart and is dedicated to my far away friend and fairy grammar mother beetlebum101 we talked about this chapter for a while and a lot of music inspiration that goes with writing. If you have guessed from the title one song specifically but also others if I had to give some listening with this chapter I would suggest, 'I know its over'- Jeff Buckley (cover) and 'smother' – daughter. **

**I have like a million song inspirations but I wont go on unless you like songs with chapters and if you do just say in a review. Now on with the show. **

Dinner at the Clearwater's wasn't as bad as I originally thought it would be. I had actually come to look forward to it. Sue was a great cook, but there was something about the house that made it feel like a home. The fireplace warmed the living room as I sat playing Nintendo with Seth. He sat closer to the screen than I did and I could see the streaks of blond in his hair where he had tried to dye it.

Leah was in the kitchen this time and Charlie sat in the armchair with a coffee in hand. He was 'on call,' but in Forks there was rarely a situation to be called for.

"Dammit," I whispered, mashing all the buttons as my guy got his butt kicked.

"Bells, you really suck at this," Seth laughed, pile driving my character into the mat, then pinning him.

I tossed the controller on the floor with a huff. "You cheat."

"Having skills is not cheating," he replied, with a cocky smile.

I ruffled his hair. "What's with the new do?" I asked curiously.

"All my friends did it, do you like it?" He asked, his dark brown eyes looking up at me with a twinkle.

"It's cool," I told him, making him smile.

"Why couldn't I have you as a sister, you're so cool. Hey, can I ride your motorcycle sometime?"

I glanced at Charlie and he did not look pleased at all. His eye seems to say, 'do not let that child ride that death-trap.' I coughed, clearing my throat, trying to think of a way to let him down easy. "Maybe when you get your learners permit I can take you out for a ride."

Charlie nodded, happy with my answer, as Seth instantly moved back to his video games. I pushed myself from the floor, my limbs stiff from sitting so long. I wandered to the kitchen, following the delightful aroma of chicken and something else I couldn't quite pin point.

I leaned against the doorframe to the small kitchen. Sue stood at the stove stirring something as she talked to Leah, who leaned against the counter, the sound of their laughter a beautiful bell like sound. I was reminded of Renee, even though she couldn't cook to save herself. It was just a reminder and it didn't hurt like it used to. There was a pang of hurt before it seemed fizzle into a nice feeling of comfort.

"Can I help with anything?" My voice broke through the laughter.

"Oh, Bella, honey, you're a guest." Sue waved her wooden spoon at me.

It was funny, but I really wanted to do something to be part of the moment. "Please, I'd like to feel useful," I smiled.

"You can help me set the table." Leah hopped off the counter, grabbing a small stack of white plate.

I rushed in, taking them from under her arms and moving them out to the table, placing them according to where everyone sat last time we were here. Leah followed me, placing forks and knives at either side.

"Charlie told me you joined the swim team again," Leah spoke, making conversation.

How? When do they talk? Are they on each other's Facebook or does Charlie have some sort of Twitter I don't know about?

"Yeah, we have a meet coming up next week in Seattle. Well, maybe."

"What do you mean, 'maybe'?" Curiosity laced her voice.

Could I explain the thinking of my mental coach? "The Coach is only letting us compete if we beat our best time this week."

Leah nodded, heading back into the kitchen. "I'm sure you'll be able to beat it. You're supposed to be good at that whole thing, aren't you?" Leah chuckled.

"Yeah, supposed to be," I laughed back as we took out the food.

As soon as the food hit the table, Seth was in the chair, trying to paw his way to the food. I took a seat next to Leah, with Charlie and Sue sitting opposite and Seth shuffled in at the end. We all began to dig in, taking food and lumping it onto the plates.

"So, when you go to this meet, can we come?" Leah asked, announcing it to the table, her confidence in me making it to the meet never doubted.

I choked down the food in my mouth, buying myself a second to think. Did I really want them there cheering me on? The only person that ever did that was my mom, but I guess it would be all right.

"Sure."

"Can I come too?" Seth cut in, throwing a puppy dog look towards his mother.

"Of course, we can all go cheer Bella on," Sue buzzed with excitement.

Charlie was quiet but that wasn't unusual, he was a quiet man by nature. He hardly even yelled at TV. "I'll get someone to cover for me at the station," Charlie mumbled.

"You don't have to come. I've been going to these things my whole life they can get really boring," I admitted.

I didn't feel hungry any more, nerves tightening up my stomach, as I just played with my food.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be fun. I've never been to one before it sounds exciting. I watched when Michael Phelps won all those medals on TV and it was very interesting," Sue spoke, cheerfully.

When dinner finished we sat and talked for a while but I had some homework that seemed to be tapping on my mind. I also wanted to call Alice, not having had the guts to say anything at practice yesterday or at school today. I tried to but she still seems so upset; Jasper still won't even look at her. There are moments though when I can see she wants to be happy, she just won't let herself: when I look at her and she smiles and it just reaches her eyes, but then it quickly fades and she'll rush back to work.

"Charlie, I have some homework to do so I'm gonna have to head home. Thanks for dinner Sue, it was great."

"Okay, I'll be back in a little bit," Charlie replied, putting his hand around the back of Sue's chair. It was nice to see him happy after all this time, I thought to myself, as I headed for the door.

"Wait, I'll walk you out," Leah raised her arm, stopping me, as I waited for her to walk me out.

She obviously wanted to talk to me about something. No one wants to walk you five steps. We stepped out into the cold, the sea air making it seem much colder. Leah stood un-phased as I shivered, shoving my hands deep into my pockets.

"So…" Leah drawled, taking her time as we both stood on the small wooden porch staring out at the sea, which seemed rather peaceful. "How's school? We haven't talked much."

"Sorry, I've been busy with practice and homework. And I actually made a few friends," I laughed sarcastically.

"What about that girl…" Leah looked at me, speculatively. "She still have a boyfriend?"

I stayed quiet for a moment, wondering why Leah would have any interest in this. Maybe she was just looking out for me. She was one of the first people who felt like a friend to me, "It's complicated."

"Isn't it always?" Leah sighed, taking a seat on the steps.

"I want to ask her out," I breathed.

"Then why don't you?" Leah quickly cut in, giving me a sharp look.

"Because I don't know how. She's still so upset over him that anything else just doesn't seem good enough. What if I can't be as good as him? What if I can't make her happy?"

Leah sighed, patting the space next to her. I took it, brushing my knee against hers and letting my hands tangle in my lap. "You're a good person, Bella. As much as you try not to be, you are. Stop comparing yourself to him. You're a good person and if she can't see that, well, she's an idiot."

I thought over what Leah said and it didn't seem to be true. She didn't know all the crap I had said. "Thanks, but I think I'm the idiot."

Leah laughed loudly and I didn't think it was that funny, as she muttered something under her breath. Leah stared at me intently. I thought she was going to say something but the only sound was the waves crashing against the shore. "Can I…" Her brown eyes were almost black and she seemed to glance down slightly, only for a split second, then back to mine. "Never mind," she whispered shaking her head.

"I think I might call her tonight," I thought out loud, staring up at the few visible stars.

"Don't call her, tell her in person. If she has to look in your eyes she'll never say no," Leah spoke and I turned to her but she seemed deep in thought, as if she were remembering something.

"Thanks," I said softly. "Um… I should get going," I pointed out awkwardly.

"Wait," Leah called out before I reached my bike. "Have you… have you been thinking about your mom at all?"

"Yeah, a little," I smiled, getting on my bike and flicking up the kickstand, before flattening my hair and putting on my helmet. "You're right, it's not something to get over. Thank you… for everything." I felt like I owed Leah a lot more than I'd ever be able to repay.

"Looks like a storm's coming," Leah said with weary eyes.

I put my hand on the throttle and as I did, Leah put her hand over mine, her beautiful caramel colored skin clashing against my own paleness. I glanced at her but she seemed to be lost, staring at the sky which was now filled with menacing looking clouds.

"You know, my dad used to tell me stories," she spoke, her neck craned high before her gaze dropped to me. "He used to say that when a storm like this came it was, 'the sky falling back into the sea's arms'. His father told him that the spirits of the sea and the sky were deeply in love and conspired to be together, but the moon, being forever alone, became jealous of their bond and kept a watchful eye on them so they could never leave the spirit world.

Some time passed and the sea became angry. He took many lives and then begged the help of the earth spirit to trick the moon, blinding him. The Earth spirit felt their sadness at being kept apart and agreed. He blocked the sun's rays, blinding the moon momentarily and they escaped to the human world to finally be together. They inhabited the bodies of a young couple that were set to marry, joining two native tribes together, but before they could marry, a war broke out between the tribes and they were separated again. Not caring for the troubles of mere men, they ran away together. They had one night together before they were found. They found the sky first, washing her hair by the river. They grabbed her and her love came to her rescue. He killed one of the men before taking an arrow to the heart. He died, his spirit returning to the sea. It was told that she cried over his body, begging for death, before taking the arrow from his heart and turning it on herself, returning to the spirit world, cursed to stare hopelessly at the one she loves without _speech, _without _rest_. That's why now when it rains, it's the only way the sky can touch the sea and they can be together again." Leah finished misty eyed, as she lifted her hand from mine. "You better go, before it starts." She waved me off.

As she spoke, the sky cracked open and lightning flashed. I quickly started the bike, hoping to miss the worst. I took it slow on the roads when the rain started, especially on the turns, and made it home safe. Safe, but soaked. Taking the time to lock the door, I showered and grabbed a change of clothes. The house was quiet until the thunder began and with every rumble, the lights seemed to flicker. I sat in front of the TV, taking out my history book and laying it on the table, as I turned the volume up to try and drown out the thunder. I put my phone on the edge of the table, contemplating calling Alice. What would I say? Words seem to escape me at this point. Leah's voice echoed in my mind as the rain pattered against the windows. It was saddening to think that they couldn't be together, but in the end would have to stare at each other without speech… without rest.

I opened my text book on my lap, reading over the tiny print that seemed too boring to even stay in my brain. Why was it that I could memorize the lyrics to useless songs I see on commercials, but when I try to remember the First Battle of Bull Run… nothing?

A knock at the door almost made me fall off the couch. At first I thought it might have been thunder but then it happened again, louder, shaking the door. I edged closer to the door, slowly taking silent footsteps.

"Bella! Open the door, I know you're home!" Jaspers voice yelled.

Why was he at my house? I walked up to the door, seeing Jasper's silhouette through the cloudy panes of glass, "What do you want Jasper?"

"Open the door," he commanded.

His voice was frightening; I wasn't about to risk anything opening this door. "Jasper I'm not opening the door, you're scaring me." I placed my face close to the glass and I could feel how close he was. I could tell he had both his hands against the frame, gripping it tightly.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to. What do you think I'm going to do?"

"Ugh, I don't know, you're the one beating down my door so…"

"I would never put my hands on a girl," he spoke with conviction and I could tell he was serious. He seemed almost offended that I insinuated he would.

The rain beat down and I cursed myself as I unlocked the door. Jasper stood on my porch soaked to the bone, his light blue shirt sticking to every muscle on his body. Water dripped down his face and into his eyes and mouth as he tried to blink them away. His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been wiping at them for hours. I had never seen a man look this way before; so… vulnerable. I waved him inside and he took a few steps, his boots clunking against the wood. I closed the door and he followed me into the living room.

"Let me get you a towel, you're dripping on the carpet."

Jasper ran a hand through his wet hair, pushing it from his face. "I don't want a towel. I need to ask you something."

"What?" I turned, tossing him the towel.

He took a moment, drying his face and the reality of the situation seemed to escape me. Why did I let him into my house? I looked up at him, his six feet something frame towering over me. He looked lost… broken; I think I felt sorry for him.

"Don't take Alice from me… please," he pleaded, his voice cracking. He dropped the towel to the floor as I just stood gaping like a fish.

"I…I…" nothing but stuttering seemed to slip from my mouth.

"Please, you don't know what she means to me." He put his hands together, almost praying.

"How did you even–?" I asked, before he cut me off.

"It wasn't hard to figure out, she's always liked you. There wasn't a day when she found out you were moving here that she didn't speak your name or think about what you'd be like. Then you take my place at lunch, before classes… what was I meant to think?"

"Maybe you should be talking about this with Alice." I took a step back, trying to distance myself.

"Please, I'm just asking you for a chance, okay? I know I can't compete with you, I'm begging you. Please, don't take her." There was no pride in Jasper's voice; there was no pride in what he said: he had laid himself out. He loved her, even now. He gave up every part of pride he could have had. I think he would get on his knees if I asked. "You can find someone else, but there's no one else for me."

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sorry for liking Alice, or for falling in love with her, but the pain it caused him. I was sorry for that. "She means too much me."

"She means too much to _you_?" He spat the words back and I could see him shake. "Were you there? Were you there? Holding her hand when she was twelve and had to get her tonsils taken out and she was so scared? Were you there last year when she thought her parents were going to get divorced? You have done nothing but take from her, just because you could!" his eyes turned erratic, his long limbs swatting the air as he talked.

Take from her… I didn't take that! I didn't even want it. He has no idea what I did for him. What I'm doing for her! "You have no idea what I've done for her!" I screamed back at him. He wasn't the only one that cared. I've gone back to competing for her! I broke my promise to myself for her!

Jasper collapsed on the couch. His hands pulled at the roots messy blond hair with sheer desperation. "I don't know how to live without her." I could hear him sniff, as he held back the tears. I sat on the couch beside him, silently putting my hand on his back, feeling the rainwater seep between my fingers. "She never really loved me, did she? Not like she loves you… but in my heart it was so real."

It took strength to be the kind of man Jasper was and I was jealous. I didn't know if I could be as strong. I rubbed his back as he sniffed again, wiping his face clean.

"This would be so much easier if you were a guy. I could just beat you up." He sighed out a quiet, gentle laugh at the situation.

"She misses you, you know," I spoke, thinking of how sad Alice had been. She missed him.

His blue eyes scanned mine, maybe wondering why I cared; who knows?

"I know… I miss her too, but I'm not ready yet." He rubbed his hands together, balling them around for much needed friction.

"I understand. But please don't leave her to long. She needs you; you're her best friend." I repeated Alice's words. Jasper had a place in her life that I could never fill, a bond born in innocence and friendship. I wanted to tell him that I loved her too, that it wasn't just some casual thing to me, but I felt Alice should be the first person to hear that.

"I know it's over. I just don't know how to go back to the way things were before. I don't know if I can." He voiced his worries.

"You'll be surprised what the heart can take." I thought of my mother, of how I bargained with God to get her back. I would have done anything. I missed her so much. "Don't take her for granted. I won't."

**A/N Thanks for reading, this has been my favorite chapter so far because I got to make up a myth and writing Jasper was interesting. I would love to know what you thought of it:] **


	16. Half-Truths and Whole Lies

**A/N – Hello readers of the world, new chapter here. Hope you like it:] and thanks to Beetlebum101 it is worth reading. Song of the chapter is 'cripple me' by Elenowen. So anyways on with the show. **

I got caught in the sea of students, all hurrying for the exit as the last bell rang. I dragged my feet, feeling in no rush to go home and sit alone doing homework. I still hadn't had the chance to speak to Alice. We were hardly alone and any time we were, I didn't know if I should tell her that Jasper came to my house last night. It was so weird the way he just left. He didn't even say anything; just got up and walked out the door, leaving nothing but a wet patch on the couch. He didn't say not to tell her and he didn't mention anything today when I passed him in the hall on the way to third period. He acted like he didn't even know me. For some reason, though, I felt there was more of an understanding between us now. Then again, maybe that was all in my head.

I huffed, rolling my neck and hearing a satisfying crack. The end of another long day. I opened my locker to retrieve my dull, black helmet and as I did I noticed a note sticking to the front of it. I snatched the note in my hand, smiling at the thought of her finding a way to get this in my locker.

_Meet me at the pool after school. Bring your A game – Alice _

She drew a smiley face at the end of the note and I was glad she seemed to be in a better mood. I closed my locker, folding the note and keeping it in the pocket of my leather jacket.

There was no scheduled practice today so the corridors were empty. I reached the locker room, slowly opening the door, expecting to see Alice but, no, she wasn't there. I walked up to my locker and found another note sticking to the metal. This one simply read, '_get changed_.' She seemed to be in a rather bossy mood but I still complied, shrugging off my jacket and changing into my swim gear.

I couldn't help but wonder what she was up to as I rounded the corner to the pool. At first I could only see part of the pool, blinded by the sides of the bleachers. As I took a few more steps I looked around cautiously for the little pixie girl.

"Alice?" I whispered to no one. The place was deserted. The only other noise was the buzzing of the overhead lights.

Maybe she was late or held up? I told myself, moving towards the water. I walked along the edge of the pool towards the deep end, mindlessly putting one foot straight in front of the other, like I was walking an invisible tightrope. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and as I did I felt the pressure of two small hands on my side, forcing me off balance and into the water. I fell into the pool with an undignified splash and was under the water for only a second before I broke the surface. The water stung my eyes as I heard the sound of laughter – a beautiful and high wind chime like laugh, and I knew it was Alice. I spat out the water, opening my eyes to see her standing over me in her swimsuit, casually laughing her ass off.

"You have to stop doing that!" I whined like a child, slapping the surface of the water.

"But it's… just… so funny," Alice spoke, in-between chuckles.

I slicked my hair back out of my eyes and swam to the edge. I smiled, holding out my hand. She thought that was funny? She was about to see funny. "Could you give me a hand, please?" I pretended to sound annoyed.

"Okay," Alice spoke, leaning over and putting her hand in mine. As she did,

I pulled with all my strength and she tumbled head first into the water.

It took her a second but the bobbed up gasping for breath, her hands smoothing her hair back as her legs kicked furiously to keep her afloat.

"Not so funny now, is it?" I laughed. Alice just threw me a know-it-all smirk and I laughed again. "So…" I paused. "What did you want to meet me for?" Not that I minded. I liked being able to hang out together and talk, but most of the time I was unsure of what to say.

"I want you to teach me," she said plainly, moving in closer. Her blue eyes were hypnotizing and I found it hard to think or move my body.

"Teach you what?"

Alice moved closer and closer; I could see the tiny beads of moisture clinging to her ivory skin and slowly making a path down her neck, all the way to her chest. I swallowed hard as she put her hands on my shoulders, pressing her chest against mine. She moved her lips to my ear and slowly whispered, "How to beat you."

My heart thumped like a jackrabbit and every part of my body felt like it was on fire. I was beginning to wonder if you could drown in thin air. She pushed off my shoulders, falling back onto the cushion of the water.

I ran my hand over my cheek, trying to cool my face. "So, that's all you wanted? To beat me at this?" I motioned around me. If all she wanted was to be better than me she could have it.

Alice gave me a look of confusion. "No, that's not the only thing I want. But now that you mention it, you never did tell me why you joined the team."

I couldn't tell her the real reason. I knew she would quit or tell Charlie or do something equally as upstanding. I couldn't tell her the whole truth, but I could tell her half. "I thought it was obvious." Alice shook her head, a coy smile dancing on her lips as we seemed to be just floating in circles. "I wanted to be closer to you."

"But you're not doing it just for me, right?" She moved in, examining me closer and I tried not to flinch under her gaze.

"No, of course not," I lied.

"Good, 'cause that would be stupid."

Stupid, that seemed to be a good word for me. "Well, I can be stupid sometimes, just to warn you." Time seemed to stop as we just stared into each other's eyes, like she was trying to read me from the inside.

"Jasper came to my house last night." I blurted out. Yes, I was in fact stupid. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?

Alice's mood changed like the flick of a light switch. Her chin dropped. She then began biting her lip and I knew she was thinking about something. "What did he say?"

"He wanted you back," I replied, not going into detail for both their sakes. "And I told him that it wasn't up to me. He knows I like you… and that you like me." I paused, moving back until I hit the edge of the pool, holding the edge to keep myself afloat. "I told him you missed him." Alice looked at me with sad eyes and said nothing, but I knew it was true. "He told me he missed you too, but that he wasn't ready to be friends yet." I paused again, letting the information sink in. I couldn't wait any longer than a moment, though. "Alice, I told him I wouldn't take you for granted. I… I want to ask you out on a date. If you're not ready yet I understand, but if you are ready, I don't want to waste any more time."

Alice looked up at me through her lashes, the silence making my heart stop. "You must be stupid if you want to go out with me."

"Stop playing coy, I know you're totally obsessed with me. Don't worry, I find it endearing."

Alice's mouth fell open but quickly closed it, blinding me with a splash of water. "I am _not!_ Who told you that?"

I smiled at her expression as she pouted, her bottom lip just peeking out slightly. "Let's just say a little birdie told me."

"Edward…" Alice grumbled under her breath. "So, you really want to take me on a date?" Alice swam closer, my heartbeat increasing with every stroke.

I placed my feet against the tile, trying to physically get a grip. "Ye-ah" I stuttered, bashfully.

"How about this? We race twenty five meters and if you win, you get what you want – a date with me. If I win, I get what I want."

"And what do you want?" I inquired, feeling my face contract in confusion.

She came closer; painfully close. I watched her lips move with an avid fascination as she spoke. "I want you to kiss me again, with no regrets this time."

I swallowed the lump of nerves that seemed to rise in my throat. "Sounds fair," I answered. "Let's do this."

There were no blocks or goggles or anything. We just lined ourselves up, one hand hanging on the edge of the pool and one foot on the wall.

"Okay, so we go on three." Alice looked at me, anticipation spreading through her tone.

I nodded, gripping my hand against the edge. My foot was slipping but I needed it to propel of the wall.

There was a pause as the tension set. The water was still as we began to count, "One…" Alice glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. "Two… three."

As soon as the word escaped her lips I pushed off the wall going into a crawl. Alice matched me stroke for stroke as we reached the half waypoint. I tried to glimpse at her from the side but it was difficult because the water stung my eyes, making my vision become blurry. I slowed my kicks as we came close to the wall and Alice seemed to speed up, taking the lead. I tried to keep it close. Alice hit the wall first, smacking it loudly with her open palm. I stopped inches from the wall, not bothering to finish.

"You won," I said, trying to regain my breath.

"I guess I did," Alice replied, shaking some of the water out of her hair.

I felt the nerves in every part of my body and my stomach seemed to be in one giant knot. I knew I had kissed Alice before but that had been spontaneous and now I was over-thinking. Do I lean in? Did she mean right away or later? Was she serious at all?

Everything seemed to go still, like we had both retreated into ourselves. Just for a second we had left and now we were back, staring into each other's eyes. Her blue orbs pierced my gaze and I knew I couldn't hold it for long. I never could. I dropped my eyes, watching the water move and ripple in-between our bodies. Alice came closer slowly and lightly pressed the top of her head against mine. I couldn't look at her, it was too difficult. She was too much and I wanted to run. I wanted to run and kiss her at the same time. The conflicting feelings seemed to be waging a war inside of me. I closed my eyes, crushing them together until I could hear the blood rush in my ears.

"Look at me," Alice whispered.

The words instantly reminded me of the coffee shop when I had said all those horrible things. I opened my eyes, slowly looking up at her. She smiled showing her dimples. Alice's eyes narrowed into a predatory glace as she looked at me through her dark thick lashes.

"You're–" Whatever I was going to say was cut off when Alice's lips hit mine.

I instinctively placed my hand on her waist, pulling her against me and eliminating the air between us. But it wasn't enough. I continued to desperately pull and pull, my fingernails running across the slick surface of her swimsuit. Her fingers tangled in my hair as she pushed us against the edge of the pool. My shoulders hit the tiled concrete painfully as I moaned into her mouth, begging for more. I loved the way her lips moved and melted into mine.

Alice pressed her hips into mine, hopelessly searching for some type of friction. I ran my hand over her taught thigh, hitching it over my hip. Our lips parted and she moved to the soft skin of my neck. After each kiss she bit me, marking me, and it elicited a groan from low in my chest. I could feel the heat from her center against my thigh, nothing but the thin second skin-like material between us. My head fell back, giving her better access.

"Alice," I moaned, unable to stop myself.

"I love hearing my name on your lips," she whispered, her breathing erratic.

I captured her face in my hands, our legs untangling, leaving me with a pleasing but painful throbbing between my legs. I leaned in again, capturing her lips with mine. The kiss was slow and I wanted to memorize the feeling and the tastes, and God, Alice tasted amazing. The kiss slowed and we both faded back, her arms resting on my shoulders as her hands intertwined behind my neck.

"You let me win, didn't you?" She touched her head to mine again, closing her eyes.

It seemed like an eternity. I stared at her, taking in her beautiful slender features: the pale, almost snow-like, tone she had to her skin; her usually pink lips now a dark, ruby red… she really was breathtaking.

"Yes," I answered, with a ragged breath. I could still feel her lips against mine, like a phantom pain.

"Well, then I guess I owe you a date." Alice's blue eyes lit up and for the first time in a while she looked truly happy and I think I was too. "You'll still have to teach me."

"How to swim faster?" I asked, slightly confused. I thought we were talking about our date.

"Well, yeah. But also how to be a lesbian."

The laugher broke from my throat in an uncontrollable burst. "Hmm… how to be a lesbian," I chuckled and Alice swatted me in the shoulder.

"What if I'm not good at it?" Alice asked, in all seriousness. "This is all new to me."

From our kiss she seemed like a natural, but this was all new to me too. "Alice," I said in a calming tone. Sometimes I just thought to myself how good her name sounded. "You don't have to be good at everything. This is new for me too."

"That's easy for you to say, you're great at everything." Alice rolled her eyes.

"That's not true," I complained, as I wracked my brain for something I was terrible at. "Uh, don't we have gym class together?" I asked.

Recognition flashed in her eyes and she laughed. "Okay, you have me there."

"Alice," I sighed. "I don't have any expectations about us. I just want you and me, that's it. I know what it's like to live with expectations and it puts pressure on things. Just be you. I like you." I picked up her hand, threading our fingers together and placing a kiss on the top of her palm.

My eye's seemed to move from her lips to her eyes and back again. I wanted to kiss her again and again. I could feel the pull from my chest and it almost hurt. We quickly changed the subject and the water seemed to feel colder somehow. We raced a little and I showed Alice some techniques I had learned from my other coaches. We just laughed at everything, even stuff that wasn't funny in the slightest. I didn't know why, but it was sort of like a high. I wanted to live in this feeling forever, let it sink into every fiber of my being. But, like any high, there would come the fall; the inevitable crash. Right now, in this moment, though, I couldn't seem to care about that.

**A/N Thanks for reading. Please leave any thoughts and feelings in a review. I love **

**Knowing what you guys think.**


	17. I'm With The Band

**A/N Hi Everybody! Here's a new chapter hope you all like. Thanks again to Beetlebum 101 :]**

I paced the floor of my room over and over. I had found out it was exactly seven paces from the nightstand to the closet. My hands tangled together behind my back, the soft cotton of my socks tracing the same pattern back and forth across the floorboards. I don't know why I was so nervous; it wasn't like I was the one telling my parents I was going to be dating a girl for the first time. Charlie and I had that talk a long time ago. It wasn't a conversation I particularly wanted to relive but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think Charlie was mostly happy that it was very unlikely I would be getting pregnant in high school.

My phone sat in the middle of the bed. I stared it down, willing it to ring, buzz – to do something. I was about to pull my hair out. I told her I would come to support her but she wanted to do it alone. I tried to distract myself but nothing worked. I was too worked up to read, music just seemed like white noise and the TV was just colors.

The phone finally rang and I picked it up on the second ring, collapsing onto the bed on my stomach. "Hello… Alice," I rambled quickly, leaning on my elbows.

"No, it's the low self-esteem hotline, we're calling back because we had better things to do before," Edward's voice sounded through the phone and I relaxed with a sigh. "Anxious much?"

My head hung off the edge of the bed as I stared at the hard wood floors, making a note to myself that they needed a clean. "What do you want, Edward?" I asked in a hurry, to get him off the line in case Alice called.

"I just wanted to know if you had heard anything yet but I'm guessing you haven't either."

"She told you she was doing this today, too?" I asked exhaustedly, flipping onto my back. At least I wasn't alone in my worries.

"Yeah, sprang it on me today last period. I'm sure it'll be fine." Edward's voice was high and I knew he was trying to calm me.

"You know her parents, are they cool?" I asked, hoping that they weren't Super Conservatives.

"Her mom is cool. I don't really know about her dad, he always worked a lot," Edward led off.

I sat up, moving to pace around the room once more like a caged animal. I opened the window letting the cool air flood in.

"So, where are you gonna take Alice on your date tomorrow?" Edward asked, a slight giddiness coloring his tone.

I still had a date to worry about. Thanks Ed. "I don't know… Where do people usually go for dates?"

Edward chuckled and it crackled over the line. "I don't know; I don't go on many dates. Maybe I should get Emmett?" Edward joked.

Emmett, I wonder what his idea of a romantic date is. "Where did he take Rose on their first date?"

The line went silent for a moment. "That was a long time ago. I think he took her hiking." Edward spoke, unsure of his own answer.

The image of me in the woods tumbling over every tree branch seemed more than likely to end our date in the hospital with me getting stitches. Not to mention I would die of embarrassment. I paced over to my desk, starting up the ancient laptop. The fan whirled and the screen turned a bright blue as I went back to sit on the bed, letting it load. I thought maybe I could _Google_ something.

"I don't think that's the best idea," I mumbled into the phone.

"I think it could work; worked for Emmett. He made a picnic, did the whole nine yards."

It was difficult to see what Emmett and Rosalie must have seen in each other. They seemed like polar opposites to me. "What do they see in each other?" I asked, curiously. "I mean, you've been friends for a long time. What's their deal?"

"They actually have a lot in common," Edward sighed. "Rosalie has her reasons for being so protective. When we were younger it was Rosalie that liked Emmett first. A few years passed and then Emmett liked Rosalie. Rose knew this and played up to it. Then Emmett got attention from other girls and Rose wasn't having any of that. It was cat and dog for a few years."

I laughed. I could imagine the chase between them. Rosalie, the hot freshman, getting attention from all the guys; Emmett, the same, but with the girls – both trying to drive the other crazy.

"You've known Alice a lot longer than I have, what do you think she'll like?" I knew it was kind of a cheat to ask but I needed all the help I could get.

"To be honest, I think you could take her dumpster diving and she'd be happy. Oh, I know something she likes. Last Valentine's Day we were in Seattle at the mall and Alice bet me how many couples holding hands we could walk through." I chuckled in my head at the image of little Alice trying to split up couples. I think I must have laughed out loud because Edward continued. "Yeah, we were both a bit bitter I think, but Alice does have a thing for holding hands. I have no idea why. Maybe she thinks it's romantic."

Okay, hand holding, I think I can do that. "Thanks, Edward."

"Okay, I'll let you get back to your pacing."

"How'd you know I was pacing?" I stretched my neck, checking the corners of my room for some sort of hidden video camera.

"Just a good guess. I better go; I'm trying to hide from Emmett. He keeps trying to get me to join his band." Edward's voice sounded skeptical and I could almost see the air quotes when he said, _'join his band.'_

"Emmett has a band?" I asked, dubiously. I couldn't imagine him in a band.

"Yeah, _Emmett and the Peanut Butter Conspiracy._ He always wants his name in the title but I told him they don't usually name bands after the drummer."

I couldn't help the laughter that erupted from me. Only Emmett would think of these names. "How… peanut butter?" Were the only words that escaped.

"If I join he wants to change it to, _Emmett and His Brother From the Same Mother._"

Edward spoke and I heard shuffling and rustling in the background. "Damn, he's found me, gotta run, talk to you later."

The phone beeped and went dead before I could reply. He _really_ didn't want to be in Emmett's band. The old computer had finally started up and I brought up a new window, searching for things to do in the area, but all I got was sort of touristy stuff. No way Alice would want to do any of that. I kept searching and there were some bands and stuff but it wasn't for months. Art galleries and Museums seemed interesting but that was mostly daytime stuff. I tried to recall the name of the café in Seattle… What was it? The something… The Maple Leaf! My brain exclaimed in _eureka!_ like fashion. I looked up the website, hoping they had one, and my luck was finally in. They had an open mic night tomorrow. It didn't look like you needed tickets, which was good.

I shut down the computer, a sudden wave of tiredness hitting me as I stretched my arms above my head with a yawn. I crawled over the comforter, laying my head on the pillow. It was getting late and she still hadn't called or texted. I lay in an almost fetal position on the bed, just closing my eyes, not trying to sleep, just resting them for a moment. In that moment the phone buzzed and I flipped it open quickly, resting it on my ear.

"Hello," I answered, this time less desperately than before.

"Bella." Alice's voice was different over the phone but I knew it was still Alice.

"Yeah, it's me," I replied. "Did everything go okay? Do you want me to come over?" I sat up, preparing to go.

"No, no it's late. Everything went fine," Alice laughed. "My mom even mentioned something about in vitro babies."

I seemed to relax, a tension dissolving away from the rest of my body. "Babies? Should I be worried?" I huffed a tired laugh, Alice joining along.

"No… Well, not yet anyway."

A nerve spiked, even though I knew she was joking. "So, how do you feel?" I asked, laying my head back on the pillow.

"I feel good; free, almost. It's great not to feel like I'm keeping things from them anymore. We talked most of the night, I'm so exhausted," Alice said with a yawn.

"Do you want me to go? Let you sleep?"

"No, can you just keep talking? I just want to hear your voice." Alice yawned again, her voice thick with sleep. I don't think she really knew what she was saying. "I'm just gonna put the phone beside me on my pillow."

What was I meant to say? "Um… I know we didn't get off to the best start but I think that's because you didn't let me get away with being who I was and that really wasn't me. I wish I could see you right now. I don't know why but you just make me feel… _relieved_. Like, I see you and I just feel better." I paused, thinking I had said too much. "Alice… Alice?" I whispered. There was no reply and I strained to hear the sound of soft snores. "Alice, I wanted to tell you… I never thought a person could feel like home before. Goodnight, sweet dreams."

I pushed the button ending the call. I knew she couldn't hear me but it felt good to say it out loud. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere before. You always hear people talk about home and when I traveled, a lot of the girls talked about being 'home sick' and missing things like their families and their own rooms and the Arizona sun, but I never understood. I felt nothing. Before, I would nod and pretend like I did but on the inside nothing changed. I could be away for weeks or months traveling and when I got home it felt like any other hotel room. Just that most of my stuff was already there. Now, with Alice, it's like she's my sun. When she wasn't around, even for a matter of hours, I felt a sort of sickness inside me. Like something was missing.

XXX

I scraped my lunch tray against the surface of the table, taking the seat which over the past two days I had come accustomed to. Alice slipped into the chair next to mine, mindlessly moving it closer, as Emmett sat on the other side with his tray and Rosalie's.

"My dad says I'm lactose intolerant. Can you believe that?" Emmett held a carton of chocolate milk in his hand, looking at it longingly.

"Your dad is one of the best doctors in Washington. I think you should listen to him." Alice pointed her fork at Emmett and then back into her salad.

"But I always have chocolate milk with lunch," Emmett whined, as Rosalie and Edward took their seats.

"What is it, babe?" Rosalie looked at Emmett, stroking the short curls of his hair.

"Carlisle told Emmett he couldn't have dairy," Edward cut in.

Emmett looked forlorn as he stared at the small carton of milk. "But it's _chocolate milk_. It's only half milk, right? The rest is chocolate?" Emmett's voice was high, ending his statement as more of a question.

"Uh… I don't think it works like that," I cut in sadly, breaking the news.

"I think the old man is crazy," Emmett exclaimed, tossing the milk into the middle of the table. "I mean, he said I had to start working out. Me? Start working out? Look at these biceps!" Emmett pulled up the sleeve of his jumper, flexing is massive biceps.

"He meant cardio," Edward cut in, rolling his eyes at his brother's antics.

"Shut it, Eddie, I'm still pissed at you for yesterday." Emmett took some French fries, now ignoring his brother.

"What did you do?" I whispered to Edward.

Edward leaned over, a mischievous grin appearing. "I took a hacksaw to his drum sticks. Not all the way, just almost."

I rubbed my hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh as the image of Emmett playing the drums until a sudden snap and half a drumstick goes flying across the room came into my head.

"You'll be in my band, right, Rosie?" Emmett cooed.

Rosalie's eyes scanned the table, looking for an escape. It seemed no one wanted to be in Emmett's band. "Uh… you know I would but…" She looked for an escape but nothing could be found, as we all just silently ate our food. It didn't seem like anyone was willing to stick their neck out to save her.

Rosalie pulled Emmett by the neck of his shirt, planting a kiss on his lips, as I instinctively looked away. I had to give it to Rosalie – it was creative.

I turned to Alice, who had also averted her gaze. I remember what Edward had said last night and pulled Alice's hand into mine underneath the table, laying it on the end of my knee. A small smile pulled on Alice's lips, although she tried to conceal it.

"Are you excited for tonight?"

"Yeah, are you gonna tell me where we're going yet?"

"Nope," I smiled. "That's for me to know."

"Then, what should I wear?" Alice asked with a low smirk, knowing I knew nothing about clothes.

"Uh… dressy, but casual," I replied, with a fake confidence.

"Rosalie's going to give me a ride and help me get ready so you don't have to wait for me."

I nodded, taking a swig of my water. The rest of lunch was fun. The conversation was on general things – movies, sport, celebrities. Most of my fascination was taken with Alice's hand, holding it, seeing how our fingers meshed together and making small patterns on the back of her skin. Her skin was a shade paler than mine; I still had some color from all my years in the sun. Alice didn't seem to mind me playing with her hand like a curious kitten with a ball of string. Every so often she would give me a reassuring squeeze and I felt more in that action than any words could say.

We parted hands under the table before the bell rang, exchanging somewhat sorry glances. I joined Edward as we headed towards the monotonous call of the bio lab. I couldn't help but cautiously look over my shoulder at Alice's retreating form as parted ways. I sighed, turning back to Edward. He did the same as I just did, throwing a look over his shoulder but they were gone.

"What?" I shrugged, as Edward looked me up and down with a smirk before stopping at my eyes.

"You're so whipped." He tilted his head with a pitying smile.

"I am not!" My usually gravelly tone turned into a girlish shriek, which I instantly tried to cover with a cough.

We took our seats at the black worktop as Edward continued to make fun of me. "Are too!" he replied, mimicking my higher voice.

I thought about it and it seemed to add up: the worrying, the waiting by the phone… When did I turn into this? I groaned, letting my head hit the table. What was worse was that I kind of liked it. Not that I would ever tell anyone that.

"It's okay, Bella. It's a totally normal thing," Edward spoke quietly, placing his hand on my back as others started to fill the class.

_When did I get to be so normal?_ I thought to myself. "I'm freaking out about everything and I don't even know why. What to wear? What to say? Do I ask her to be my girlfriend? Do I need to ask?"

"Okay, don't give yourself a brain hemorrhage," Edward laughed at my life. "It's just nerves. If you want, I could hang out with you after school, help you get ready. Keep you sane?" His emerald eyes were soft and caring and I realized for the first time that Edward was my friend.

Moving my head, but never leaving the cold surface of the table, I looked up at his compassionate gaze. "Can we braid each other's hair, too?" I questioned, but I was really glad, I could use the distraction.

Edward leaned forward with a cocky grin and whispered in my ear, "We can even have a pillow fight in our underwear."

The image of Edward in his boxers made me want to heave. The frown on my face must have been apparent because he looked at me with a huffed laugh. "I might take a rain check on the pillow fight but it would be cool. Do you know where my house is?"

Mr. Banner walked in, checking some things on his desk and setting up the projector as Edward replied quickly, in a hushed tone, "Of course I know where the chief of police's house is."

The rest of class passed with a boring lecture and some fifty-year-old slides of bacteria. Edward walked me out of class and I took the opportunity to finalize our plans. "So, I'll meet you in the parking lot?"

"Sure, see you then." He waved as I took a few steps down the hall and I caught the death glares of a few of the female seniors. They were so barking up the wrong tree.

I maneuvered the halls easily; they had become a familiar map in my mind and I already had all the shortest routes planned. As I neared the class, I spotted the long, blond frame of Rosalie Hale leaning casually against the locker. Her back was to me as I approached and she was talking to Alice. I smiled. She had her arms crossed over her chest as she spoke animatedly to Rosalie. Her blizzard-blue eyes seemed to flick in my direction, as recognition flitted across her feature. She smiled, crossing the small distance in an instant and wrapping me in a hug.

"Hey," I whispered into her short tufts of hair, as a warm feeling radiated through the rest of my body. "What are you doing here?" Not that I wasn't thrilled.

Alice leaned back, placing her hands on my hips, before taking them away completely. I tried not to look like a child that just had their favorite toy taken away from them. "Just walking my friend Rosalie to class," she said, with a mischievous grin.

I looked to Rosalie, who gave us a cursory glance, her lip twitching slightly in neither a smile nor a frown, before entering the classroom. I think she was actually starting to warm up to me.

"Really?" I asked. "Is that the only thing?"

"Well, maybe not the only thing." Alice replied, somewhat nervously, as she placed her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

I knew that meant she wanted to see me, but somehow my brain still couldn't figure out why. "I'm still not telling you where we are going."

"Dammit. Well, you're still picking me up at my house?" Alice questioned.

"Yeah, I'm borrowing Charlie's truck so you can wear something nice," I laughed.

"Are you sure?" Alice moved forward, placing her hand on the side of my forearm, concern lacing her tone.

I waved it off; I would be fine. "Yeah, it wasn't so bad last time."

Alice seemed to audibly sigh at the mention of that night. It wasn't a proud moment, as she put it, and she didn't like to dwell on it. "Well, I can drive if you want me to."

I nodded, thinking about the possibility. "I better get to class," I said sadly, not wanting to leave.

"Yeah, me too, I'm going to be late," Alice replied, but didn't move. Her body swayed but her feet stayed rooted to the floor. We had maybe two minutes until the bell rang and the halls were starting to empty.

I knew I had to make a move, as I closed the gap in one step, placing kiss on Alice's head and losing my vision in the midnight of her hair. I closed my eyes just for a moment, before pulling back. "I really have to go now." I took a step back.

"Okay," she smiled, taking off quickly down the hall and turning on to the stairs. _She's going to be so late for class,_ I thought, shaking my head at her small rebellious act.

I took my seat in a sort of happy daze, just playing feelings over and over in my head. Not really moments, just feelings. I had felt, in these last few days, drug-like feelings that made me feel happy.

"Hey, Bella," Miss Henderson waved her hand in my face, as I snapped back to reality.

"Hi," I said, somewhat dazed.

"You okay?" She asked, looking at me carefully.

"Yeah, I'm great," I smiled.

"Remember, I still want to talk to you after class. I have something to give you so don't let me forget, okay?"

I nodded politely, wondering what in the world she could have to give me. I spent most of class trying to get the shading just right on a drawing and quickly forgot about everything else in life. I gazed up from my drawing, scanning the class quickly, my eyes falling on Rosalie Hale. The desks today were set up into twos, facing each other; the only people in class not to have a partner were Rosalie and myself. I chuckled inwardly, thinking that said a lot about us. How she and Alice mixed as friends I don't know. I could ask her that tonight.

There was still twenty minutes or so of class time left and for an unknown reason, even to me, I picked up my pencils and pens and my drawing. Silently, I crossed the class, earning very few looks as I gently placed my things on the desk across from Rosalie.

She seemed in a haze that quickly dissipated, as she flicked her long golden tresses behind her. "What are you doing?" She asked, quizzically.

"Well, we both have mutual friends, so I thought we in turn could be friends?" I asked, hoping she would give me a shot.

"But, I hate you," she said, simply.

I'm sure she was trying to shock me into leaving but I didn't care. "Then we can be friends out of a mutual hatred. I hate me sometimes, too."

Rosalie bit her lip and I wasn't sure, but I would dare to guess that she may be holding back a smile. "Fine, whatever." Her cold blue eyes fell back to the desk, her hair falling softly around her. "Just don't expect me to talk to you or anything."

"Don't worry," I said, taking the seat and putting my drawing back on the table. I sketched for a second, keeping low to the desk. I took a few wary glances up through my lashes. Rosalie didn't seem to care that I was sitting across from her, but she didn't tell me to go to hell, which was good enough for me.

As soon as the bell rang, Rosalie left like the bullet from a gun. I almost didn't see her. I took my time, waiting for everyone to leave. I walked tentatively up to Miss Henderson's desk. She seemed absorbed in some sort of paperwork. It looked like she was grading an essay.

I cleared my throat and she looked up. "Oh, Bella I totally forgot. I'm such a scatter brain sometimes." She touched her head, rolling her eyes madly.

I moved anxiously from foot to foot, wondering what it could possibly be. She opened the top drawer of her desk, raking through the contents until she seemed to find what she was looking for.

"Ah, here it is. I thought you might like this." She handed over the small piece of paper.

I took it, spinning it. It wasn't a piece of paper, it was a brochure. One I had seen before. It seemed like such a long time ago. The picture on the front was of an old, grey brick school building with young people sitting on the grass, just like most school brochures.

"I know it's late," Miss Henderson continued. "But there's still a week or so left to submit a portfolio. They have one of the best summer programs in the country and I'm sure with your talent you'd have no problem getting in."

"Yeah, I know," I whispered, thinking about the program, not my talent. I spun the brochure over in my hand, never taking my eyes of the paper.

"Well, it's just an idea, but I think you'd enjoy it."

"I can't," I replied. "I don't have the time to make a whole portfolio of work together."

"Why not?" She asked, a frown spoiling her usually happy nature.

"I've never got the time, swimming always gets in the way." I still couldn't believe she just handed me the same brochure. Out of all the summer programs, it had to be this one.

"I'm sure if you talk to your coach he'll understand." She leaned over the desk, clasping her hands together.

A laugh escaped my lips. She obviously didn't know Coach Damon. "Coach… He's," for a moment, I thought about telling her everything – about the blackmail and the threats – but it was my word against his. "I better go, my friend is waiting on me."

"Friend?" She repeated the word, with a smile.

"Yeah," I smiled back, edging my way towards the door.

As I paced down the empty corridors I looked at the brochure in my hand, thinking about the last time I saw it. _It was my fault_, my conscious spoke, as I closed my eyes, crumpling the paper in my hand and shoving it in my back pocket, hoping to forget about it. _It's over; it's gone now_, I repeated to myself.

I broke through the doors of the school, feeling a familiar freedom that seemed to come with the crisp, cold air. Edward stood casually, leaning against his shiny silver Volvo.

"Where have you been?"

"Sorry, teacher wanted to speak to me," I replied simply quickly, throwing a leg over my bike.

"You're not in trouble are you?" Edward ran a hand through his coppery hair, pushing it out of his face.

"No, she just wanted to tell me how great I am." The sarcastic remark came easily, though it was almost true.

"Whatever, we better get going if I'm going to make you look nice for your date." Edward smirked that same lopsided grin, as he pulled open the door to his Volvo, sitting inside and rolling down the window.

"Does that mean you're my fairy god mother?" I laughed.

"Shut up," he laughed, having no witty remark to throw back.

It was a quick ride back to my place. Edward parked across the street, while I parked next to the cruiser, surprised to see Charlie home.

Edward jogged across the street and I waited, holding the door open. Edward kicked his shoes at the door, as well as wiping them on the mat. I kicked mine off as soon as we were in the house.

Edward followed closely and whispered in my ear, "Are you sure your dad won't mind?"

I wanted to laugh. Why would he mind? We crossed through the living room, where Charlie sat watching ESPN with a beer in hand, his feet casually up on the table. "Hey, Bells," he said, twisting his neck to see me as I took off my jacket, putting it over the couch.

"Hey, dad, me and Edward are just going to hang out in my room, okay?"

Charlie got up from his seat, grumbling as he did. Edward took a step back as Charlie looked him up and down, his moustache twisting with his mouth. He stuck out his hand and Edward took it quickly.

"Nice to meet you, Chief."

"You're Carlisle's boy, right?" Charlie replied.

It seemed to take him a minute to register. "Yeah… that's my dad."

I had to break up this awkwardness. "Okay, dad, we have stuff to do, places to be."

I put my hand on Edward's back, moving him to the stairs, as I shot Charlie a '_what the hell_' look over my shoulder. He just shrugged, moving back to his beer.

"Your dad is intense," Edward spoke, as soon as the door was closed.

"What? Charlie? He's a softy."

"Maybe to you, but I was picking up on some major, I-have-a-moustache-and-a-gun-don't-touch-my-daughter, vibes."

I lay back on the bed, letting laughter take over my body, as Edward examined my room. He opened the wardrobe, taking a step back, his hand cradling his chin.

"Is this all you have?" He complained.

"It's all I need. And most of my other stuff wasn't warm enough."

He raised an eyebrow, acting like it was no excuse, as he pulled out a few shirts, tossing them on the end of the bed. "Do you have anything in here color wise that isn't some dull shade of green or grey?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I've got your sexuality in the back somewhere. It has all the colors of the rainbow."

Edward shook his head, continuing to root through my meager amount of clothing. "I think you should wear this." He tossed over a dark blue shirt I hadn't worn in months. "Alice likes blue."

"And what? Jeans?" I asked, mindlessly.

Edward took a quick spin, not finding much and going back to the closet. He seemed unsatisfied as he turned to me, pointing. "The ones you have on look fine."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment. You better not let Alice see your closet, she may actually die. What's this?"

He pointed to the pen marks. "Nothing. I was just keeping count of something, but I gave up."

I stood up from the bed, turning my back to Edward and changing my shirt. I didn't think he would care very much. "So, you never told me where you are going."

Oh, didn't I? "Uh, I'm taking her to that little café place in Port Angeles. They're having an open mic."

"She'll love that."

I flattened down my shirt, turning to Edward who had turned his back to me. Always the gentleman. "What do you think?" I motioned to my whole body.

"I think it'll do," he smiled, his green eyes quickly cast to the floor.

We hung out for a bit listening to music and mostly talking about nothing. I had to leave soon as I looked at the time. Edward seemed to realize this to.

"I should get going." Edward stood, already walking to the door.

"I'll walk you out." I followed, in hopes of saving him from another stare down by Charlie.

We reached the living room and saw Charlie still lazing on the couch, a third beer in hand, watching the same television channel as before. It was a quick goodbye and I stood at the door watching him walk to his car, waving awkwardly and keeping my hand very close to my chest.

I closed the door and Charlie looked at me, barely moving from his space. "Is he gone?"

"Don't you like him?" I asked, quizzically. Out of all the boys at the school, Edward was smart, funny and caring. Everybody likes him.

Charlie huffed, kicking his feet off the table and leaning forward. "It's not him; it's all boys. It's a dad thing." He waved it off.

I wasn't really listening as I prepared my next question in my head. I sucked in a gasp of air, clasping my hands together in a prayer as I spoke. "So, can I borrow thirty bucks for my date tonight?"

**A/N oooh the official first date is next:] Will it be awesome or just awesomely Awkward? Anyway thanks for reading any thoughts or feelings leave them in a review :] **


	18. Yes,No,Maybe

**A/N Hi everybody, thanks for reading so far can't believe I got to eighteen chapters before having the first date and the end is coming up soon. I wont be overly drawing out this story in total I think it will be twenty-one chapters and maybe an epilogue but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Big thanks to my beta Beetlebum 101 :] **

I pushed my palm flat against the glass of the door, holding it open for Alice as she glided in, her arm brushing against me casually as she unraveled her wooly grey scarf and exposing the pale white of her neck. We walked together and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans. With a quick scan of the café I already felt underdressed. Alice looked amazing as always; slightly taller, which caught me off guard, but I liked it. I unconsciously looked at her heels and my eyes seemed to slowly follow a path up her legs to the midnight blue fabric of her dress. I shook my head, berating myself.

I looked for an empty table and saw one at the back, not too close to the stage or the speakers, which seemed good. We passed the counter and Alice smiled and waved to the woman behind the counter. She had curly, red hair and seemed to be around her mid-forties.

"Who's that?" I asked, nodding towards the register.

Alice did a quick double take. "Oh, that's Maggie. She owns this place. She moved down from Montreal to live with her boyfriend, Liam. That's him over there." She shyly pointed to a man with his back turned to us. He was making coffees and he was about the same build as Edward, but had short cut brown hair.

"Is there anyone you don't know?" I asked, shrugging off my jacket and putting it on the back of my chair. Alice seemed to do the same.

"I'm sure there's a few." She smiled, showing her dimples. It made me want to smile back, automatically. "I've never actually been to an open mic night."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. "I went to a few back in Arizona. Ashley liked to heckle everyone, especially the magicians. She hated magicians." I said. I'm sure there was an odd look on my face, as I brought up the memory.

"How does anyone hate magicians?"

I shrugged, moving my hands to the table. I suddenly became very aware of my hands and where they were. Two girls that could have been twins got up on stage. There was no announcement; they just seemed to sit on high stools with their acoustic guitars. As one started playing, the other started singing and it was pretty good. "They're pretty good," I said, mindlessly.

"Yeah. Do you want a drink?" Alice asked, moving to get up.

"Uh, sure. Um, hot chocolate."

Alice seemed to take a minute before laughing under her breath. "What?" I whined.

"Nothing. It's just cute." She lifted her shoulders and spun on her heel, her dress twisting in the air as I watched her walk away.

Was I cute? I could feel my brow twist in confusion. I had been called a lot of things: talented, athletic, smart… but never _cute_.

I put my hands on the table, grabbing the little packet of sugar and flipping it in my fingers. I got lost in thought, as Alice placed my mug on the table with a dull thunk. I instantly sought out the warmth, wrapping my fingers around the mug and pulling it to me.

Alice began to nibble on her lower lip, the low thrum of the music no excuse for being this quiet. Every topic of conversation seemed to leave my mind. There was nothing but a wide expanse of nothingness. "Uuh…." I closed my mouth. My lips began to dry out and I sipped at my hot chocolate.

"So…" Alice trailed off into the gapping silence between us. "The meet in Seattle should be fun."

"So, those guys are your rivals?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's been back and forth for a few years. Coach hates their coach. It's been win, lose the last few times."

"Why do they hate each other?" I asked, leaning closer into the table.

Alice jutted out her bottom lip slightly and with a tilt of her head, I could tell she had no idea. "We shouldn't have any problem with you on our team this year."

"Yeah, he made sure of that." I grumbled, under my breath.

"Sorry?" Alice blinked in confusion.

"Nothing." I silenced myself by taking another drink.

"Did I tell you that you look really… pretty tonight?" I chose my words carefully, glancing down into my drink, praying I didn't blush.

"Thank you. I took from your stealing glances the whole ride here that I did." She smirked, her hand softly moving around the rim of her glass. It may have been lemonade or coke or just water in that glass, I had no idea, all I could do was watch as she ran her finger over the top of one of the ice cubes. She brought her finger slowly towards her lips and with one slow drag, she moved the moisture over her lower lip. This only took a fraction of a second, but I doubt she noticed how naturally sexy she was.

"I was not staring. I was just admiring the view." I rolled my eyes, hoping she bought it.

"Of my legs?" Alice quipped.

"Can you blame me?" I mumbled, taking another sip and hiding my face.

As I placed the cup back down, Alice placed her hand over mine, prying it from its molded position. She seemed to weigh it in her own hand for a second, before brushing her thumb over my knuckles, sending a shiver down to my toes.

"Relax," Alice spoke, with a playful tone. "You'd think this was your first date or something." She laughed and I couldn't stop the look of shock that spread over my face. Alice leaned closer. "It's not, is it?"

"Yes… no… maybe?" I rambled, trying to organize the jumble in my head. "It's not my first date, but it's the first one I really care about."

Alice's head dropped and I feared I had said too much but before I could worry too much, she picked her head up, a smile plastered on her face and her dimples showing.

"You have a beautiful smile," I said mindlessly, like stating a fact.

"Really?" Alice seemed dumfounded.

"Yeah, did no one ever tell you that before?"

"Not really. Being best friends with Rosalie I never usually get much of the attention. Not that it bothers me."

"Who's Rosalie?" I asked squeezing her hand, faking confusion, but quickly falling into a laugh. Alice laughed along, shaking her head because it wasn't even funny. It did seem to help the tension, though.

"No one," She replied in between laughs.

It seemed to be a lot easier after that and we fell into conversation, mostly about school, then music and TV.

"I didn't know you wanted to be a teacher?" I smiled. I could totally imagine Alice as a teacher. "What do you want to teach?"

Her lips screwed to one side before she replied, "Elementary school, I think. I just love kids."

"Yeah, and no one would be taller than you," I smiled.

"Hey! I'm not that short."

Of course she was, but I didn't argue. I looked at the time on my phone, it was getting late. As I cast my eyes around the room, there were only a few people left and they had stopped serving drinks like an hour ago.

"Do you have a curfew?" I asked. Charlie had asked me to be back by midnight.

"Yeah," Alice sighed looking at the time. "We should get going."

We both stood, putting on our jackets. Alice moved to my side and we walked for the door. I reached it first, holding it open with one hand. As Alice moved past I grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers as we walked to the truck.

The streets were quiet and nothing really needed to be said. I realized it was the first moment in a long time I had felt content. I smiled to myself but then stopped when I realized how creepy that could look. We reached Charlie's truck; it was high off the ground and looming in black. Even the windows were tinted black.

I helped Alice in before getting into the driver's side. I started the engine and the headlights and radio came on automatically. We drove in a comfortable silence, as Alice let her head tilt back against the edge of the seat, her eyes falling closed.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road.

"It was great. I wish it didn't have to end." As she spoke, a knocking sound came from the engine. Then again and again until the truck slowly rolled to a stop. If I didn't know better I'd say we were out of gas. But that's impossible, the gage says the tank's half full. I cut the engine, trying to restart it but it just made a loud whirring noise, before cutting out.

"Charlie," I growled through my teeth.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, opening her eyes.

"Um… I think we are out of gas. The gage must be broken."

Alice sat up. "What are we going to do?" She seemed nervous.

"We'll just call someone and get them to bring us some. I'll call Charlie." I took out my phone, dialing home. As it rang, I gave Alice a reassuring smile. The phone rang and rang until it got to the answering machine and I closed my phone. "He must be sleeping." Okay, now I was nervous.

Alice brought out her own cell phone, tucking it under her ear, obviously calling someone… Edward, maybe.

"Mom," Alice answered, as my necked whipped to look at her.

God, could this get any more embarrassing? I leaned my head on the wheel. Alice talked to her mom for several minutes, as I wished the floor of the truck would open up and swallow me whole.

"The truck broke down, can you come get us?" Alice spoke calmly, as I turned the light on inside the cab.

I only picked up one side of the conversation, a few yes's and no's until she said goodbye and the call ended.

"She should be here in a bit."

"I'm so sorry about this. This isn't how I planned on our night ending." I rested my arms on the steering wheel, bowing my head in disappointment.

Alice shifted closer to me placing her hand on my back. "It's okay, we'll have a good meet/cute to tell people later."

"What's a meet/cute?"

"It's the part in a story where the characters meet or go on a first date and something unexpected happens and they have a funny story."

I don't know why but this made me feel better. "Do you think it's safe to be in here?" I asked, in fear of a car hitting us. The image started to play over in my head and before I knew it, I could feel pressure on my chest. I rubbed my chest trying to relax it away, but the more my mind played it over, the more real it got and the harder it got to breath.

"Bella…. Bella…" Alice's voice called to me, but I was lost.

She pulled at my arm, digging in her fingernails until I was forced to look at her.

"Let's go outside."

I nodded, unable to open my mouth. I mindlessly moved my hand to the door and jumped out of the truck, hitting the soft ground with a thud. I took a deep breath, letting the air slowly cool my lungs.

Alice was beside me in a second, concern marring her beautiful face. She held my arm and put one hand on my back. I put my hand over hers, trying to reassure her. I bent over, gulping in air. I bet it looked like I was going to throw up. Oh, I hope that didn't happen.

"Is this a panic attack?" She asked.

"Yes," I breathed, the pain finally letting up.

"Are you ok? What were you thinking?"

"I'm fine. I was fine, then I thought if we should get out because you always see people beside their cars on the highway when they break down because it's a dangerous to be in your car in case another car hits you. Then I thought about a car hitting us and…" I grabbed her hand, looking into her eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

Her face softened as she pulled me into her. "You're not gonna lose me, okay? I'm right here."

Yeah, but would she still be here when she found out what I did? I had lied so much. Too much. She deserved better. I clutched her close to me, almost crushing her. My eyes stung with tears as I tried to blink them away.

Alice pulled back and my arms were empty again. She rested her palm on my cheek and lightly caressed her thumb over my tears, wiping them away. "You're too good for me," I smiled

"You are strong and amazing and don't ever think I'm too good for you," She shook her head.

"And don't you ever think you are not worth loving."

Alice got silent, as she retracted her hand. It wasn't an awkward silence, it just felt like everything that needed to be said had been. Things were finally starting to be normal between us.

"You should get back in the truck, it's freezing out here," I told Alice.

"Are you getting back in?" She asked, quizzically.

"No, I'll just stay out here for a bit," I spoke, pulling my jacket closer to me.

"Then I'm not going anywhere. We can freeze together." She shot me a stubborn look that I was sure to see many times in the future.

"Aliceeeee," I complained. I wish she would just do what I ask.

No cars had passed and it had been fifteen minutes. I left the lights on, which was sure to drain the battery soon.

Alice walked around the truck eyeing it speculatively. "What if we wait in the back? Maybe there is a blanket in there."

I never thought about that. Charlie would have survival supplies in case of an emergency. Wow, for once I was glad my dad was a cop. I got to the back of the truck and climbed into the bed and Alice kicked of her heels, as I helped her up over the edge. I found a blanket and some water in the footlocker, but no gasoline.

I turned to Alice but before I could speak, I followed her gaze up to the stars. I hadn't even noticed before. I moved over to Alice, putting the blanket around her shoulders.

We seemed to have the same idea, as we lay down to look up at the stars.

"There's so many," I spoke, without thinking.

"Are you cold?"

"A little." I didn't want her to feel bad, but I was freezing.

Alice shuffled closer to me, sharing the blanket, our thighs and hips touching.

"What's this?" I felt Alice's hand close to my butt but before I could react, she pulled out a piece of paper

It was the leaflet that Miss Henderson had given me before. I must have forgotten to throw it out.

"It's nothing, just some stupid summer program Miss Henderson thought I should check out."

"Why don't you do it?"

"It's complicated… There is no time left, I don't have the work…" I shook my head, making excuses.

"I'm sure if you called them they might give you an extended deadline."

I stayed quiet for a second and I could feel the anger building inside me, like a match turning into a forest fire. "Look, I…." but when I looked at Alice, her eyes full of innocence and curiosity, the fire was extinguished. "That school was what we were arguing about when it happened. I wanted to stop competing and go to art school and she thought it was a waste of time. Time that would be better spent practicing for trials." My voice gave away nothing as I spoke. I tried to tell it without emotion because I had thought about it and cried about it too many times.

"You should do what you love; what makes you happy."

I turned to look at her and she did the same and I forgot everything I was thinking about "You make me happy." I smiled stupidly from ear to ear. "When we tell this story again, can we leave out the part where I have a panic attack?"

Alice chucked, her breath fogging the darkness. "If you want."

"Thanks," I spoke, putting my hand on her hip.

There was nothing but a few inches between us and I looked to her lips and back up to her eyes. Alice seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as she leaned in, capturing my bottom lip in hers. Things started to get heated, the cold a faraway thought now as I rolled onto my back, pulling Alice on top of me, our kissing never ceasing. I ran my hand through her hair and she seemed to push against my hips with hers, driving me crazy.

In my crazed mind I didn't hear the car pull up beside us until there was a loud knock on the metal body of the truck.

"Alice, honey, are you there?"

I smiled as we parted lips and Alice hurried to get off of me and fix her hair and dress. I stood up, turning to the front of the truck.

"We are here, Mrs. Brandon."

"What are you kids doing up there?" She asked

"Uhh…" I rubbed the back of my neck as Alice got up, smoothing down her dress.

"We were just looking at the stars, mom."

We got into Mrs. Brandon's car, both of us sitting in the back. She drove slowly, saying she didn't like driving in the dark and every second seemed to tick on like a million years.

"You know, I used to go star gazing when I was your age, too." Her sarcastic tone let on that she knew _exactly_ what we were doing and not doing.

"Mom!" Alice yelled, covering her face.

This was embarrassing for both of us. I had no idea what to say and it seemed neither did Alice. Her hand was sitting on the center of the middle seat and I put mine over it, in a reassuring gesture.

The rest of the ride was silent, except when Mrs. Brandon asked me some questions about school and my dad. We pulled up outside my house and I wanted to give Alice a goodnight kiss, but I didn't know if her mom would like that very much.

"See you at school," was the best I could come up with as I left.

The car left quickly and I saw Alice turn around in the back seat. She blew me a subtle kiss and I pretended to catch it and put it in my pocket. All I could think was, _what a night_.

**A/N Thanks for reading, any thoughts or feeling or funny Emmett band names leave them in a review:] **


	19. Secrets

**A/N Thanks for all the Alerts and reviews, This is quite a loaded chapter hope you all enjoy. Thanks again to Beetlebum 101 you have my everlasting gratitude :] **

It had been a few days since our first date and Alice and I had been almost inseparable ever since.

I was waiting in the abandoned parking lot for her; we were going to study at my house. Well, I use the word _study_ loosely. I'm sure there will be books there while we make out.

She seemed to be taking a long time so I focused on the music blaring into my ears and let the fantasy of being on stage take over. I always wanted to learn the drums, I thought, as I started drumming the air. The light squeeze on my shoulder shook me from my fantasy and I looked at Alice's giggling form.

"Do you want Emmett to make you join his band?" She said, continuing to laugh at me.

"Yeah, we could be _Emmett and the Violent Mood Swings_." I laughed and Alice shook her head, 'no'.

She got onto the bike like a pro now, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Just drive, Miss Mood Swings."

Once we got to my place I was surprised to see that Alice did actually need to study. She walked into the kitchen and put her book bag on the table.

"I thought we could hang out in my room," I hinted.

Alice smiled and just shook her head. "As much as I would love to," She gave out a small groan, which I liked too much, "We do have to study for this English test on _The Importance of Being Ernest_."

"I hate Ernest," I moaned, pouting like a child.

"Think of it this way: if we get the studying out of the way now, maybe we can have some time to ourselves later." Alice winked and I gave up that easily, pulling out the chair gathering my own books.

"Okay," I sighed.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom, then we can start."

I flicked through the first act, not really reading but just looking at the words. Some say you absorb more information subconsciously and I was hoping that was true. A few minutes passed and Alice came back, with me still staring at the pages as she got closer. I looked up and she seemed startled, as she pointed outside.

"Was that a wolf?"

I whipped my head round to look outside but there was nothing there, just the old oak tree in the yard and the damp muddy grass.

"You're acting weird," I thought out loud.

"I am not; you are. Let's study," Alice rambled, getting her books out. "Okay, who are the main characters and what is the main theme of the play?" Alice asked.

"Sincerity, morality and marriage. Next!" I yelled, slapping the table like a buzzer on a TV quiz show.

"No, you can't just do that, you need to explain why."

I rested my head on the table. "Charlie's gone, I have an empty house and my girlfriend wants to study… Why me, God? Why me?" I joked.

"So, I'm your girlfriend?" Alice closed her book and I knew she was trying not to smile but she couldn't stop it.

"If you want to be?" I asked, swallowing back a ball of nerves.

Alice moved her seat closer to mine and the act felt like an eternity but in reality it was less than a second.

"I would love to be your girlfriend." Alice wrapped her arms around my neck as I leaned in, placing a long lingering kiss on her lips.

"Now, isn't that better than studying?" I sighed.

"Do you ever think about anything else?" she smirked.

"Not with you around," I replied, which earned me another kiss.

"Right, back to the books."

I couldn't understand how I seemed so needy and she just seemed so cool. It was like I wanted to just be with her and touch her all the time and couldn't care about anything else.

I opened my book again and suddenly remembered something from class. "Rosalie spoke to me today." This seemed like a big achievement to me, as she never talked to me outside the group.

"Really?" Alice asked, surprised.

"Yeah, in class I mentioned something about my bike and she seemed like she wanted to say something about it. I asked her if she knew what the problem could be and she did and she's going to take a look at it this weekend at Edward's place."

"Wow," Alice replied, sarcastically. I knew it wasn't much but it was a big deal to me. I was starting to gain her acceptance.

"She's a hard nut to crack but I'm getting her to take her loathing down to hatred. Maybe even dislike."

"She doesn't hate you," Alice spoke, but I don't even think she believed it.

We studied a bit more until Charlie got home.

"Can I stay for dinner tonight?" Alice asked. It had become a sort of tradition over the last few nights.

"I would love that, but tonight's the night me and Charlie go to Sue's for dinner." Which had become a tradition I also enjoyed.

"Who's Sue?"

"She's Charlie's girlfriend; she lives on the reservation."

"Is it not a little awkward having dinner with your dad and his girlfriend?"

"No, Leah and Seth are there, too," I said without thinking.

"Do I know them?" She asked quizzically, and it took me back to that day at the coffee house.

"Yeah, you saw Leah before. That day at the coffee house? That was her. I don't know about Seth, though. They go to school on the reservation, so I doubt it."

"Oooh, that was her." Alice's expression changed completely for a few seconds until I caught her gaze and it returned to normal.

"What?"

"Nothing… Just thought you would have mentioned her before."

"Sorry, just slipped my mind. We haven't hung out in a while. I want to spend all my time with you."

Alice bowed her head, smiling softly.

"Well, I better get going, then." She got up from the table, collecting her books.

"I'll give you a ride," I spoke, following after her.

I reached Alice's house, pushing out the kickstand and letting the bike come to a rest. I unbuckled the clasp to my helmet, resting it on the handles.

We both got off the bike and walked up onto the porch. There was a tension between us and I felt it pushing me away. I wanted to kiss her again but she was backing away from me and she seemed lost in her own mind.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'll miss you," I said, hoping she could hear the sincerity in my voice.

Alice closed the gap in a few quick strides and in an instant, her lips were on mine, pushing hard. I almost fell back but managed to hold on, pushing forward myself into the kiss. It was rough and full of desire. She backed me into the railing, taking control, as she ran her teeth over my bottom lip. We parted for breath and I wanted to ask where that came from.

"Call me later, okay?" She stated, breathlessly.

I just nodded, still floored by that kiss.

Xxxxxx

"Do you think Alice would like this?" I picked up a rock that I thought looked like a heart and showed it to Leah.

"Alice, Alice, Alice… that's all you've talked about all night," Leah sighed.

"Sorry."

Leah's expression softened. "Don't be, it's okay; it's good you're happy."

"But?" I added, feeling it was coming.

Leah shook her head. "Doesn't matter."

"Come on, with all the stuff I've told you, you can tell me anything."

"Not this," she smirked.

I began to feel concerned. What couldn't she tell me? Was it really bad? Was it illegal? Maybe that's why. Maybe she thought I would tell Charlie.

"Come on, your secrets are safe with me."

Leah put her hand on my shoulder and it was instantly warm. We walked in sync back to Sue's house and I had the feeling she was about to give up this secret she had.

"I…. I," Leah stammered and I had never seen her unable to speak before. "I have feelings for you." Leah pulled her hand back, rubbing her neck.

I had no idea what to say. I had no idea she felt this way. It felt like a ton of bricks had just been dropped on me. "I had no idea. I'm sorry, Leah, but I have a girlfriend."

"I know," Leah groaned, putting her hands over her eyes. "It's just a stupid crush, I'll get over it." She seemed to tell herself more than me.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Me too."

We got back just in time for dinner and Leah seemed to give me awkward glances across the table. Or maybe I was giving them to her, who knows. I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. All my thoughts seemed to revolve around the bombshell she dropped on me.

"So, you excited for the meet tomorrow?" Seth broke the silence and I wish he hadn't.

"Yeah, should be fun." I smiled, then quickly took a drink. Anything to keep me from talking.

"You guys are gonna kick their asses!" Seth exclaimed.

"Seth! Language," Sue chastised him. "But, yes, Bella, we all will be there to support you and we know you will do your best."

_I have to_ I thought, silently. "You are all coming?" My eyes flashed to Leah.

"Yeah, kiddo, I got my shift covered at work so I'll be there," Charlie cut in.

Dinner passed without another event and as soon as I was done, I made some excuse about homework and left quickly. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell Alice what Leah told me? Does it matter? I'm not going to do anything about Leah's feelings.

I picked up my phone, lying down in bed and kicking off my shoes.

"Hey," Alice's voice rang down the phone. "How was dinner?"

"It was good," I replied.

"Anything exciting happen?" She inquired.

I took a breath, pausing for a moment. It was now or never. "Nope."

A weird feeling rippled through my body and landed in the pit of my stomach and it felt like a lie. _I should have just told her_, I thought stupidly, wanting to hit myself with the phone.

"You still there?" She asked, curiously

"Yeah, just tired, sorry." I yawned down the phone.

"Yeah, me too. I should get to bed. Big day tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"Goodnight." She spoke and I could almost hear the glee in her voice.

I stayed on the line. I wanted to tell her that I loved her. I loved her smile, I loved spending time with her, I loved the way she walked, the way she kissed, even the way she said my name. I loved everything about her; so why couldn't I just say it?

"Alice…"

"Yes?"

"Goodnight."

I chickened out.

Xxxx

We stood outside in the freezing cold, beside the big yellow bus, waiting for the driver to show up. I had my arm around Alice's shoulder and she put one around my waist, in a vain attempt to keep warm. It seemed like half the senior class was coming with us on the bus.

"So, party at our place this weekend to celebrate after you guys win," Emmett grinned, rubbing his hands together to keep warm.

"We haven't won yet, guys," I cut in.

"But with you on the team how could we lose?" Alice looked up at me, planting a small kiss on the side of my lips.

I was concerned with the amount of faith she put in me. I needed to win for her. I had never had so much riding on one race before. The pressure, coupled with the whole Leah situation, elevated my stress levels. I even thought I saw a grey hair this morning.

"Alice!" Kate yelled from across the parking lot, swinging her duffle bag over her shoulder. She waved an arm, signaling her over.

I was glad I got a second alone because I needed to speak to Edward. "Edward," I half whispered, trying not to let Emmett and Rosalie overhear.

"What?" He replied, raising his eyebrows at my actions.

"I need to sit next to you on the bus," I told him.

"Why?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

I think he could see from my face that it was serious.

"What's wrong?" He asked, quietly.

"Nothing's wrong, I just really need someone to talk to about something."

"Okay," he nodded.

We got on the bus and Edward stayed close behind me, as I found a seat a few rows from the back. He immediately took the seat beside me. Alice got on a few minutes later and I saw her look to me, then Edward, but before she could reach us, Rosalie pulled her into the seat beside her and I was glad.

"So, what did you need to talk about?" Edward's eyes widened with curiosity.

I didn't know how to start but before I knew it, the words just tumbled out. "I talked to Leah last night and she told me she had feelings for me and I told her I have a girlfriend but I didn't tell Alice when she asked if anything happened. I feel like I'm lying to her but I don't want her to tell me I can't see Leah anymore 'cause she's my friend. Now things are weird between me and Leah but I don't want to cut her out of my life just because she told me the truth about how she felt."

"Wow, wow, wow, back up the truck a minute." Edward placed his hand on my shoulder. "Who's Leah?"

"She's Charlie's girlfriend's daughter."

"And do you have feelings for her?" Edward asked, his tone darkening.

"No, of course not. I…" I was about to say it again – that I love Alice. "Alice is the only person I want to be with."

"So, why are you worried?" Edward's concerned expression made me think. Was I over reacting?

"Do you think she'll want me to stop seeing Leah?"

"I have no idea." Edward ran his hand through his messy hair, leaving it in even more disarray. "I've no personal experience in this area; this is the stuff you see on gossip girl."

"My life is not that dramatic," I quipped.

Edward laughed. "Well, there's still the rest of the day."

I sighed, looking out the window, watching for some sign of what I should do. Two small hands covered my eyes and suddenly everything was black.

"Guess who?" She breathed, the skin of her lips brushing my ear, sending tingles up my spine.

"The Grim Reaper?" I replied.

Alice swatted my shoulder lightly. "Is that how you greet your girlfriend?"

"I'm sorry," I smiled, looking up to see Edward standing behind Alice, mouthing _tell her_, before moving down to sit in Alice's previous seat. I put my arm around the back of the chair and let it fall around her petite frame, pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek.

"Alice, I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" She turned to me, her big blue irises almost shimmering in the low light of the day.

"When I was at Sue's last night, Leah told me she had feelings for me and I thought I should tell you that." Alice stayed silent for a second, as thoughts seemed to roll around in her mind. "Of course, I told her I have a girlfriend. You're the only one I want to be with, Alice. You have to believe me. I'd do anything for you." My hands trembled, as I gripped them together on my lap.

"It's okay, It's not your fault. You can't control someone else's feelings. What were you so worried about?" Alice put her hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze and I relaxed.

"I just thought you might not want me to see her again and I didn't want to have to choose between you. I don't know, I've never been in a relationship before. When you asked me that night if anything happened, it felt like lying and I want you to trust me, but it's so hard. You have to believe me, Alice, any time I lied to you it killed me inside. When I told you I didn't want to be friends, when I sent you away at the coffee shop, when I told you I regretted our kiss. I have done nothing right by you but you stood by me." I took her hand, encasing it with mine. "I… I…" My words got lost and again _love_ came to mind. I loved her so much. I owed her more than I could repay. "You're the best person I know and I'm so lucky you chose me. Even if I lived to be a hundred I think I'd still be owing you."

Alice seemed stunned; she opened her mouth but then closed it again quickly.

"You don't owe me anything." Alice put her hand over mine, that was still clasped her other hand tightly. "And I know why she likes you. You're just too beautiful for your own good; I can't blame her." Alice retracted her hand, moving up to push a strand of my hair over my ear.

I breathed a sigh of relief, as Alice let her head fall on to my shoulder. She yawned, covering her mouth with the back of her palm.

"You tired?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

I put my arm around her shoulder. "Try to relax, maybe sleep a little. I'll wake you when we get there."

Alice nodded, lightly yawning again, and we spent the rest of the journey in a quiet embrace.

Xxxx

We sat on our bench on the visitor's side; the crowd was caught in a roar of chatter. The pool was separated into rows with yellow and blue dividers, _obviously the school colors_ I thought, as I looked up at the little blue and yellow flags that hung down from the ceiling. Championship titles also hung down, ranging all the way back to the 70's. The smell of chlorine permeated the air and I had to stop myself from wanting to throw up. I chalked the feeling down to nerves; I hadn't competed in front of a crowd in a while, and even before, it made me nervous.

A boy in a lion costume danced as people in the bleachers cheered. I kept my eye on Coach Damon as he talked to the other coach. They parted with a hand shake and a smirk, each seeming to have gotten the better of the other. After that he approached us.

"Okay!" Coach yelled, leaning down with his clipboard over his knee. "There's going to be five races: a hundred meter freestyle, back and fly, and a four hundred meter relay to end. There will also be a fifty meter freestyle for Juniors only."

He then told us which races we would be competing in. I was in the hundred-meter freestyle, also with Kate, and anchor position in the four hundred relay. After I knew my races, I blocked out what he continued saying.

I turned to look into the stands. Charlie, Sue, Seth and Leah were all there looking down on me. Sue waved and smiled and I gave a small wave back. Seth had a foam finger on as he gave a cheer and I made a note to remind him this wasn't the NFL. I looked to Leah and our eyes met. I hoped she was getting over these feelings she had. I didn't want things to be awkward between us.

The races were pretty even as we entered the final four hundred meter relay. It would be Tanya then Kate then Alice then me. We stood around the blocks, as Coach gave us final words of encouragement. "It all comes down to this."

We were all tired and damp and his words did little to encourage any of us.

"We have a lot riding on this; we need to win!" He said through gritted teeth, locking his eyes on me. "Swan, this all comes down to you. You can make or break this team." His dark stare told me I better make it.

I must have looked worried because as soon as Coach turned his back, Alice came to me, placing a soothing hand on my side. "It's gonna be ok. We can win this and if we don't then no big deal. There is always next time." She shrugged.

"We are gonna win this," I promised. We had to. "Now, you better get ready. I'll be here waiting for the second you hit that tile."

Alice took her place on the blocks and I watched her climb the small step, perching on the end of the rough plastic. She placed her goggles over her eyes and waited in position.

I let my eyes trail up the back of her legs, feeling bad that I couldn't control my urges. Before I could think anymore, she was gone, disappearing into the water, as Kate climbed out of the pool.

I took my position on the blocks, the same as Alice had done. It was neck and neck. These Seattle girls were really good; better than I thought they would be. I hunched slightly, raking the tips of my fingers over the tops of my feet. _One… two… three_ I counted, forcing out the cheers of the crowd…

I watched Alice like a hawk watches its prey; my body ready to pounce in a moment's notice. Alice cut through the water as if it was air. She approached the wall and as soon as her hand hit the tile, I was in the water.

I kicked and kicked and kicked and it felt like my kneecaps might fall off. I timed my breaths perfectly, recalling hours of training. I passed the halfway point, going under and kicking off the wall. I had no idea if I was winning or losing. If I took the time to try and see my opponent, my lead could be lost. It was just the water and I.

I hit the wall, my hand slapping loudly against the wet tile. I tore my goggles off, looking to see what had happened. My opponent, a girl with fair skin and blue eyes, stared back at me before we both looked up at the screen.

I looked to Kate, who was also staring at the screen, her face a mask of confusion. "Kate, what happened?"

"It was too close to call. I think they are checking the independent timers with the judges."

Two women were holding stop watches and two other men seemed to nod their heads. The whole crown was silent as we waited for the times to appear.

A man's voice came over the loud speaker and announced: "The winner is Forks High!"

The times flashed up on the screen in huge lights and we had won by half a second. Not even a whole second, just fractions of one. I turned to the girl beside me as we pulled ourselves out of the pool.

"Good race." I extended my hand and she turned around with an annoyed huff.

The team pulled me into a group hug as they jumped up and down, cheering. Kate grabbed my face shouting, "You did it Swan!" at me. Even Tanya and Jane looked happy. In the middle of the jumping and cheering, I managed to find Alice. She was smiling and her eyes lit up like she just won the lottery. She caught my eye and instantly threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, as I held her to me by wrapping my arms around her hips.

We weren't overly into public displays of affection and to anyone else this just looked like another congratulation. We did nothing but smile until my jaw started to hurt.

"Come on, lovebirds!" Kate shouted, as she waved at us to follow them to the locker room. I blushed and hadn't realized most of the people in the stands had already left.

I was starting to think I didn't really mind being back on a team, if it meant I got to spend more time with Alice and see her so happy.

I changed quickly, knowing that Charlie was probably waiting to talk to me. Outside the locker room and through a set of doors there was a sort of trophy room where people had gathered before they left to go to their cars. I walked out with Alice and she spotted Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. We parted ways so I could talk to my dad.

"Hey, kiddo, that was great. So close; a real nail biter."

"Yeah, it was awesome!" Seth cut in.

"You did very well, we are all proud," Sue added, as Charlie hugged her to his side. I was glad he had her.

Leah stayed silent and I turned to her, wondering if she wanted to add something to the congratulations.

"That sure was a close one," She mumbled.

"Yeah," I replied, blankly.

Charlie, Sue and Seth began to start their own conversation, leaving Leah and I to bask in our awkward silence.

Leah cleared her throat, obviously sick of this thing that was now between us. "I can see what everybody talks about."

"Who's everybody?"

"You know, people. Charlie." She stuffed her hands into her pockets and I stared at the tips of my shoes. "I shouldn't have told you, should I?" She questioned. "I've made it weird."

"It's not that. I just don't know what to do. What should I do?" I wanted to fix this.

"Leah, we have to leave. Hurry up and say 'bye to Bella."

Leah seemed annoyed at her mother's interference as she turned to my quickly. "Can I just have a hug?"

That's all she wanted? Wouldn't that make it worse? "Sure." I stepped forward and Leah wrapped her arms around my shoulders, as I put mine around her, my head going over her shoulder. It only lasted a few seconds and then we parted.

"The road to Forks is closed. The bad weather knocked a tree into the road."

We looked to Charlie instantly for information. "I'll see what's going on." He pulled the side of his belt up, getting into cop mode.

Alice found me after a few seconds. She slipped her hand around my waist, settling it on the small of my back. "Hey, Alice, this is Leah. Leah, Alice," I said, as I swallowed the excess saliva that seemed to gather in my mouth.

They just stared at each other for a minute, never giving an inch, until Alice turned her gaze to me. "They are gonna put us all up in a hotel," she informed me.

"That's great," I smiled. Much comfier than staying in this school.

Charlie came back, talking to Sue quietly for a second. "Bells," he began. "Sue, Seth and Leah are going to stay at Sue's sister's house not far from here. Do you want to go with them? I'm going to head back to Forks, see if I can help with anything."

"No, thanks, it's okay. They are going to put us up in a hotel."

"Okay, call me if you need anything," he said and that was sort of Charlie's idea of a goodbye hug.

I waved goodbye to them, watching as they left, Leah's face contorting into a frown as she glanced back over her shoulder.

Alice took my hand, pulling me over to our makeshift group. Emmett seemed excited about staying in a hotel, although Edward told him he probably wouldn't be allowed to share a room with Rose, to which Emmett eloquently replied, "Shut up."

At the hotel we got split up into fours to share rooms, but there were an uneven number of girls so Alice, Rose and I ended up sharing a room. I mostly think we got the odd number because all the other girls were a little scared to stand too close to Rosalie, both for their self-esteem and their own safety.

As soon as we got to the room, I dropped my duffle bag and Alice jumped on one of the beds. The room was set out like most hotel rooms. There were two single beds and a couch that pulled out at the bottom for another bed. Rose collapsed on the couch, staring at her nails with a sigh.

"I miss Em," Rose frowned.

"You guys were just making out, like, two seconds ago," Alice spoke, still standing on the bed.

"Yeah, that's why I miss him," she smirked. "I'm all turned on and stuck with you two beaver lovers. I might do something I regret." She laughed and I had to admit it was funny. "I'm gonna find out which room he's in."

As Rosalie let the door fall closed behind her, I was suddenly aware that this was the first time Alice and I had been alone all day. Excitement and adrenaline still coursed through my veins from the meet and I had a feeling Alice felt the same.

I walked up to the edge of the bed and she eyed me curiously. I swung my arm out, grabbing her legs and making her fall against the mattress with a dull thud. I climbed on top of her, slowly making my way up her body, taking in every perfect inch until I came to her lips. I placed my hand against her cheek, pulling her in for a gentle kiss. As her lips touched mine, I realized how much I needed this. Kissing this girl was like breathing. Alice flipped our position, straddling me as my arms fell up around my head. It was an interesting surprise. She leaned forward, her face inches from mine, as I felt her fingernails scratch lightly over my bicep.

"I love how your muscles tense when I touch you," she whispered into my ear, my brain flooding with endorphins.

A low growl escaped my throat as my hands moved to the edge of her shirt. I ran my palm over the soft skin of her stomach, looking into her eyes for any sign that I should stop but there was none. I knew we weren't ready to go all the way yet but I felt this could be the next step. I pulled her shirt up a little, checking again if it was okay and she lifted up her arms. I pulled it over her head, tossing it onto the floor.

We only stopped kissing when it became completely necessary for air and I watched as Alice's skin glowed in the moonlight. She wore a red lacey bra that was all too teasing.

Alice pushed up my shirt and her eyes closed in on the scratch mark on my side where the metal from the car had collapsed in and bruised three of my ribs and left me with ten stitches. I felt self-conscious, wanting to pull my shirt back down as she stared, but slowly she moved her hand over the scar tissue, her fingers barely touching my skin.

"Is that from the crash?" She whispered, only just.

"Yes… Do you think it's ugly?" I asked, scared.

Alice paused and ran her fingers over it again, before leaning down and planting soft kisses along the newly exposed pink skin. In-between each kiss she spoke, "I" _kiss_ "think" _kiss_ "It's" _kiss_ "beautiful."

She turned her body, falling back onto the bed, the crook of her neck pinning my arm as we both stared at the ceiling for a second, our heavy breaths filling the room.

"I'm thirsty," Alice spoke, turning on her side and draping one of her arms over my stomach.

"Uh… I think I have some water in my bag," I said, my mind still foggy.

Alice bounced of the bed as I watched, unabashedly.

"Eww… it's warm." Alice screwed up her face, pulling the bottle away from her lips.

"I'll get some ice," I said, seeing as I still had my shirt on. I grabbed the ice bucket from the desk and made my way out into the hallway.

Identical white doors lined the hallway. I walked to the end, turning my eyes and searching for the ice machine. _You'd think there would be a sign,_ I thought inwardly.

"Swan," a familiar voice yelled, making the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

I turned slowly, watching the coach approach me at a fierce pace. "Coach," I replied, in the same tone.

"What was that stunt you pulled today? Half a second! Half a second!" Coach spat at me. "Do you realize what you did? You almost cost me a grand."

"You bet on us? You can't do that." I'm pretty sure it was illegal.

"I can and I will. And with you on the team I won't lose or your little girlfriend goes bye-bye. No scouts, no college scholarship… her parents could never afford to send her on their own. She'll be stuck here in forks, working some crappy minimum wage job, and it will be all your fault."

I gripped the plastic edges of the bucket; I could hear it beginning to crack under my grip.

"You're my Golden Goose," he laughed. "Or, should I say, Golden Swan." He crossed his arms over his chest, still shaking with laughter at his own joke. "Anyway, that show out there today was not good enough. You're supposed to smoke them." He pointed at me. "You're supposed to win by a mile. Show that smug bastard Eric who he's dealing with. You're supposed to make me look good."

I swallowed back a lump in my throat, thinking over his words. I have to do this; I'm supposed to do that… I couldn't take it anymore. I tossed the bucket down the hall and it hit the carpet with a thud and tumbled along. My fingers turned into angry fists and Coach actually looked shocked.

"Look, I did what you asked, okay?" I wanted to yell but it came out through gritted teeth. My eyes locked with his and I wanted him to know I was seriously not taking any more of his crap. "I won. I don't care if it was an inch or a mile; I won. That means Alice stays on the team, that was our deal. You know my father's the chief of police." I study his reaction but it remained unchanged.

He laughed darkly. "And… Who's gonna believe you? It's you're word against mine and you're just a stupid kid."

"I will."

Our heads flicked to the third voice coming from a few doors down. Alice stood in the hallway, fully dressed thankfully, but looking utterly pissed off.

"Brandon, back to your room!" He shouted.

"You've been blackmailing her this whole time?" She looked at him, shaking her head, trying to take in the situation. "With me?"

"Alice," I wanted her to understand.

Her eyes pierced mine with an angry glare and I shrank back. "I'll get to you in a minute!"

"The school board will hear about this. You will never teach again," Alice threatened.

"What you gonna tell them? How are you gonna prove anything?" Coach waved his arms and he was right, we had no proof. "Stupid kids… I need a drink." He mumbled under his breath, taking off down the hall.

We stood in the empty hall, the sound of footfalls slowly fading into the distance. She just stood there shaking her head slightly, like she didn't believe what had just happened.

"We should go back to the room," she said blankly, her arms folded over her chest. She spun on the heel of her foot, as I followed like a lost puppy.

I let the door fall closed behind me and the soft click of the lock penetrated the silence.

"Alice, please say something."

I took a step closer to her, placing my hand over her arm. Her irises moved wildly, like she was doing some sort of complex equation in her mind.

"It all makes sense now, why you said you didn't want to be captain, but you had to because if you didn't win the race then he would have kicked me off the team."

"I'm sorry, Alice, I knew how much the team meant to you; how much you needed it. I hated lying to you but I thought if you knew the truth you would quit and I couldn't let you do that for me."

"Argh! How can I hate you and love you at the same time?" She grabbed at the spikes of her hair.

"You love me?" I questioned, my voice trembling.

Alice froze and I got the feeling she didn't realize what she had said. Her hand went to her mouth, covering it in shock.

"I love you, too."

Alice inched closer. "You shouldn't have tried to protect me," and closer, "And you shouldn't have lied to me." We were a breath apart. Alice bent up on her toes, wrapping her arms around my neck, as I let mine rest on her hips. "But I understand why you did." She planted a soft kiss on my lips and a moan lingered between us. As she pulled back I bit my lip, still tasting her there.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked.

"We tell Charlie," she replied, simply.

**A/N Thanks for reading. I don't usually try to explain why I did something because I let the reader make up there own mind but I thought you guys might be interested to know I was never going to have Leah tell her feelings but when I continued writing scenes between them it just felt natural for it to happen but its not going to be a big drama. People might argue why didn't Bella see it before they met first sort of thing but when I was writing Leah I imagined she had her own drama going on maybe someone else she liked but I couldn't really write that much about that fact from this perspective just like real life you don't get to know every detail and I like my stories to really have a sense of reality. **


	20. The Calm

**A/N Hey guys, Thanks for all the reviews I get a little surprise every time someone says they love the story. Thanks again to Beetlebum101 for forever fixing my grammar:] **

I held the shopping cart, pushing it lazily back and forward in the same spot. Alice looked over the vast range of chips, mentally debating what to get before just grabbing four of the biggest bags on the shelf.

"How many people is Emmett expecting?" I asked, curiously. We only got back into Forks a few hours ago and Emmett's party was tonight. He hadn't the time to do everything himself so he sent Alice and I for snacks, while he and Rose went to get beer and Edward took care of the decorations.

"Knowing Emmett, he probably invited the whole school." Alice's eyes scanned the store. "Dip next, then soda and that's it." She pulled on the end of the cart, bringing me with her.

We passed the aisle with rows and rows of beer and I thought out loud, "Why didn't they just get beer here?"

Alice turned to look at me as she spoke, still mindlessly pulling me through the store that she had obviously been around a hundred times. "Because they are very strict with I.D.'s here and Rose knows a guy in Port Angeles with, shall we say, more relaxed ideas on the law."

"By, 'knows a guy,' do you mean she flirts with him so shamelessly that he 'forgets' to I.D. her?" I added the air quotes as she smiled and nodded, telling me I was right. "It's a weird law anyway. I mean, I can drive and I can get married and, in some states, I could probably marry my car but I couldn't drink at the wedding."

We laughed together, as Alice continued to throw random snacks into the cart. She seemed to know exactly where everything she was looking for was and I wondered if they did this a lot. "Do you guys do this a lot?"

"There's not much else to do in a small town. It's not like we are crazy partiers but, hey, it's just something to do on a Saturday night when your parents leave town."

I thought about how it was normal and realised I was now part of that normality. It felt odd but I shrugged it off. "What about learning how to whittle? Or your grandparents teaching you how to make bath tub gin? Or playing the banjo?"

"Is that what you thought we were going to be like when you moved here? A bunch of hillbillies?"

I laughed because of course I didn't think that; I don't know what I expected. "I don't know what I expected; I never expected you." I stared into her eyes for a spilt second before dropping my gaze.

Alice took a few small steps, standing by my side and I knew she was facing me because of the ways her shoes pointed towards me. I felt the warmth of her hand over mine, squeezing the top of my palm. I slowly brought my eyes up, meeting hers. Her dimples were showing as her mouth pulled back into a grin. She pushed up onto her toes ever so slightly, planting a soft kiss quickly on my lips and I instantly wanted more.

"Come on, just soda then we can go," Alice spoke, with a bounce in her step.

We rounded the aisle and Alice walked slowly, pointing her finger along the names of all the sodas, her eyes searching until they came to the bottom rack. She bent over and I let my eyes follow the curve of her legs, in jeans that stuck to her like a second skin.

"Can you stop staring at my butt and give me a hand?" She giggled, her voice straining at the end as she picked up a crate of soda cans.

A cough caught in my throat and I stuttered slightly, wondering how she had caught me. "Yeah, sure, sorry," I spoke all at once.

"Sure you are," she smirked, pointing to what else she wanted and I helped carry it to the cart.

We went to the checkout and then out to Charlie's truck. Luckily he was working a double shift today. It also gave me time to figure out how I was going to tell him about what happened. I didn't know what I was going to say but I knew I had to say it soon. We piled the stuff around my bike that lay dead in the truck bed. I started the truck, letting it idle while Alice got herself comfortable.

"You know, I haven't forgotten about Charlie," she said, putting her seatbelt on.

"Can we leave it 'til tomorrow and just enjoy tonight?" I begged.

"Okay," she sighed, running her hand lightly over my forearm.

It was a short drive to Edward and Emmett's house. I noticed the garage door was open and I parked close, the tires crunching the gravel to a slow halt. Rosalie was already there; she yelled out for the boys as Alice and I exited the truck.

"Alice, how much did you get?" Rosalie asked, slightly stunned.

"It's good to be prepared," she defended.

Emmett and Edward joined us as we started unloading the truck. Edward carried two cases of soda and I followed him with one.

"What are your thoughts on music for tonight?" He asked, as we reached the kitchen. "I mean, we need something people can dance to but also that shows good taste. Also, if I go to obscure people will think it's weird."

I laughed, never having given it much thought. "You have good taste; I'm sure people will like it."

"Edward you should have moved the couches by now!" Alice came rambling in. "And the lighting is all wrong. Tell me you at least put up the lights outside?"

I had never seen Alice take control like this. If it wasn't slightly scary it would be a turn on.

"Bella, save me from your girlfriend," he pleaded in a whisper, as her eyes narrowed on him.

"Sorry, you're on your own." I backed away quietly, giving him a small wave as Alice's frantic demands became quieter and quieter until I could no longer hear her.

I had only been here once before but I retraced my steps back out towards the large garage. It seemed that Emmett had already taken my bike from the truck and Rosalie was already looking it over. Her eyes examined the metal and I stayed quiet. Emmett just sat on a high stool against the wall where all the tools were kept.

"When was the last time you cleaned the air filter on this thing?" Rosalie looked up at me.

"Um…" I stuttered and she just rolled her eyes

She stuck her hands in close to the engine, instantly becoming covered in grease. "I think it could be a problem with the carburettor." Rosalie pulled out something that just looked like a chunk of blackness.

"What's that?" I asked, slightly worried.

"It's a spark plug; you're getting too much gas and not enough air. That's why you've been getting uneven acceleration," Rosalie told me, wiping her hands with a rag.

"I love it when you speak mechanic… say carburettor again," Emmett sighed, staring at his girlfriend.

"What do I owe you?" I asked Rosalie, ignoring Emmett's comment.

"Em, baby, you better help Edward and Alice set up; people are going to start showing up soon."

Emmett left Rosalie and I and an awkward silence hung in the air.

"You don't owe me anything," Rosalie spoke, never looking at me, just checking to see that Emmett had gone. "Just don't hurt Alice again, okay?" Her voice became soft and I could tell how deeply she cared for Alice.

"I promise, I won't… I mean it." And I did mean it. "But can I ask why you care so much? I mean, I know you are friends…"

"Alice is like a sister to me," Rosalie cut in, picking up a wrench and continuing to work as she talked, like I wasn't even here. "I had a sister… she died. I was only seven so I don't remember much. Alice used to remind me of her; they had the same curly black hair, you know, before Alice went all…" Rosalie shot her fingers out like spikes. "I couldn't protect my sister from getting ill, couldn't stop my parents crying…"

Rosalie just worked harder and harder, her hands moving erratically fast. Her fingers trembled and she dropped the new spark plug. "Dammit," she spat, under breath.

I knelt down picking up the spark plug, placing it in her outstretched hand. As I did, I wrapped both my hands over hers. "It's not your fault," I whispered, almost silently. It only lasted a fraction of a second but in that fraction, I felt like we understood more about each other than most people could understand.

After that fraction, Rosalie pulled her hand away violently, rolling her shoulder as she did. I heard a quiet sniffling sound before she started working again. "Well, just learn to clean your damn air filter."

Xxxx

The party was in full swing as I grabbed another two sodas, piling them up carefully.

"Hey, Bella," a nervous voice stuttered slightly.

Mike Newton stood, beer in hand, his face slightly red. It was obviously wasn't his first beer.

"Hey, Mike," I replied.

"I wanted to ask you if you… wanted to see that new movie, _Punch Face_."

I couldn't help but feel sad for the guy.

"Sorry, Mike," I smiled sadly, trying to think of a way to let him down. "I don't think my girlfriend would like that very much." I smiled again, thinking of Alice as my girlfriend.

"Speak of the devil," he said, taking a drink, his eyes flickering behind me.

Alice appeared, taking the can from my hand and placing her other hand softly on the small of my back, then slowly over my hip and pulled me into her.

"I thought you got lost," she laughed, looking quickly between Mike and I.

"We were just talking," I told her, as Mike grinned.

I looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking. The silent exchange must have made Mike feel awkward, as he left without another word.

"Are you having fun?"

"Yeah," I told her, honestly.

"I'm glad; I really wanted this to be perfect for you."

"I really am having fun."

"Even with Mike Newton?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Don't be jealous," I said, pulling her closer, resting my head against hers. "You are the only one I want to be with; I'm yours."

"You want to go upstairs?" She whispered quietly into my ear, her lips grazing the surface of my skin.

A sound of delight escaped my lips and I nodded an imperceptible 'yes.' Alice took my hand with a firm squeeze, leading me through the large house. The sound of dance music seemed to fill every corner; the thumping of the bass cut through me, making my stomach jump.

"Alice… Alice!" A voice called as we passed the living room. Kate ran up to us, smiling, her faced flushed. "Come on you two, come dance with us."

Alice shot me a sad look that suddenly turned to a smile and I could almost see the thoughts roll over in her mind.

"I don't dance." _At least not soberly_, I added in my mind.

I pulled back on Alice's hand as she gripped tighter, following Kate to the dimly lit living room. I dug my heels into the floor, trying to retreat.

"Dance with me," Alice pouted, her eyes becoming sad and I could feel myself giving in.

I looked anywhere for an escape. "Uh… okay, but can I go to the bathroom first?"

Alice smiled, letting go of my hand. "Sure, it's upstairs at the end of the hall."

I moved slowly, hoping that if I took enough time she would be tired of dancing by the time I got back. Reaching the top of the stairs I realised I did, in fact, need to use the bathroom. I took a few steps, getting to the end of the 'L' shaped hall. I put my hand on the door handle, looking up the hall, not sure if it was this door or that one. I shrugged and opened the door. What's the worst that could happen? I was not prepared for what I saw.

Edward sat on the edge of the bed, his hand on the cheek of Mike Newton, their lips having just parted.

"Um…" I stuttered, my mind suddenly blank.

"Bella, this isn't what it looks like… I'm drunk," Mike spat, his face the most shocked and worried I have ever seen.

"Don't worry, she's my friend," Edward tried to calm him, resting his hand on Mike's shoulder. "She won't tell anyone."

"I won't," I added, as he got up in a flash, making his way to the door. Just as I was about to close it he grabbed the frame, pulling it open.

"It's really nothing," he said, looking into my eyes, as I looked past him to Edward who frowned at the comment.

Mike brushed past me and as he left, the stale smell of beer seemed to linger in the air. I remained in the doorway and Edward just collapsed back on the bed, letting out a long breath.

"Swan, get your butt in here," he sighed, his voice slurring slightly as he patted the dark blue comforter.

I closed the door before walking over to the side of the bed, gently placing myself beside Edward. His long legs hung over the side of the bed and the white button-up shirt he wore was perfect, as always.

There was a silence between us and I didn't know what to say. All I could think was Edward and… Mike. Edward seemed to hear my thoughts, as he erupted in a fit of laughter; such a deep laughter that he held his stomach from the pain.

"Mike… Newton," I whispered, huffing out a laugh.

"I know," he replied, still rolling on the bed.

"Mike Newton!" I said again, falling back on the bed, as laughter ripped through my body now too.

"I know!" His voice got an octave higher, as I rolled onto my side to look at him.

He got quiet and we just stared at each other in the least romantic of ways. I could smell whiskey on his breath and I wondered how far gone he was. His eyes became half lidded as he crashed from his laughter, a frown appearing.

"Why can't I have what you have?" He sighed and I felt sad for him, hiding in this room; hiding in his own life.

"I don't know," I answered, honestly.

"No one knows, not even Alice. We've only made out a few times, mostly when he is drunk and confused." Edward rolled his eyes.

"You deserve better than that," I spoke, as Edward got up, pushing himself up and reaching for the bottle of whiskey by the bed.

"Do I really?"

"Yes," I assured him, my voice unwavering.

He poured two shots. "Drink with me."

"No, Edward, I shouldn't."

"Come on, I don't want to drink alone. That's just even sadder."

I took the drink from his hand as he passed it to me. One couldn't hurt right? My thoughts debated as I threw back the brown liquid, trying not to taste it too much. Even afterwards, the taste still burned my throat.

Edward poured another before I could blink, drinking it back hungrily.

"You know, no amount of alcohol is going to sterilize your face."

His crooked smile returned. "You know what I want?" He slurred, handing me another drink. I couldn't refuse to take it because it felt like he was going to toss it at me if I did. He moved his hands wildly, spilling half the shot over the comforter that was sure to smell for days. "I want a trouble-maker for a lover; blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame. Who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate. Who burns like fire on the rushing sea." Edward quoted perfectly, flopping back on the bed.

"Who said that?" I questioned, drinking another shot, hardly feeling it this time.

"I don't know. Alice used to say it all the time and now I think I finally know what she meant." He closed his eyes, taking heavy breaths and looking like he was about to pass out.

I took another drink before lying back down. I pressed my hand against his hot cheek, hoping he would remember this in the morning. "It's gonna be okay."

"Why can't anyone see me?" He whispered, almost asleep.

I looked at him again; so quiet and peaceful, like a baby. A really sad baby that just drank themselves to sleep because it's the only break they can get from the pain of not being who they are. "I see you, Edward," I patted his cheek. "I see you."

We lay there for a while. I think Edward fell asleep and I just stared at the ceiling, the whiskey suddenly reaching my brain. Every thought became slower and the idea of getting up seemed too far away.

A light knock at the door woke me from my thoughts. As a got up onto my elbows, Alice poked her head round the door, a smile reaching her face when she saw it was me. "Hey," she whispered. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Sorry," I had totally forgotten about the dancing in the midst of the whole Mike thing. _Mike Newton!_ my thoughts still screamed in surprise.

I tried to get onto my feet, using the bed to balance myself, as my knee seemed to give out for a second. Alice rushed to my side. "Have you been drinking?" She looked from me to Edward's passed out body curled up on the bed.

"You can tell I don't do this a lot, huh?" I hadn't even had that much. Five or six. It was hard to tell, as he had just kept handing them to me.

"Yeah," Alice giggled, wrapping her hand around my waist to keep me steady. "Let's get you home," she said, comfortingly, as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, leaning into her and smelling her shampoo.

"A teenager that can't drink. Think we should call Ripley's or something?" Alice laughed, trying to keep me steady.

"I was taught that my body was a temple… I used to do yoga." I felt my eyes close as I spoke and I wondered why people drank if it just made you this tired.

We made it to the stairs before Alice paused. "You think you can do this?" She asked me.

"I'm fine." I waved her off, taking the first step. I took a few more before gripping onto the railing. "Who invented stairs?" I asked Alice but she didn't answer. "Whoever they are, they suck!"

"Emmett!" Alice shouted, as we reached the bottom step.

"Emmett!" I copied her.

"Yes, ladies?" he appeared out of nowhere.

"Help me put Bella into the truck, she's smashed." Alice shook her head and I didn't understand. She was totally over-reacting; I was fine.

"I don't need help." I moved for the door.

"Sure you don't," Emmett smiled that huge beaming grin.

I hardly took two steps before he scooped me up like a bride. "Put me down." I slapped him lightly against the chest.

"In a minute," he spoke, as the cold air hit me and I realised I was outside. I stared up at the sky and the usual cover of grey was gone and replaced by a thousand tiny sparkles.

I remembered noise and someone close but then the door closed and the engine started and my brain seemed to be a few minutes behind. "I'm taking you home," Alice's voice penetrated the haze.

The road was quiet as I leaned my face against the glass, the condensation beading up into droplets of water. "We should go to the pool!"

"Bella, you are in no state to swim right now. You would most likely drown."

If she had asked me a month ago I would have happily drowned. Now, all I wanted was her. I loved her so much; she was the one. I was so happy I made it to this point. I wanted to say all that out loud but in my haze, all that came out was, "You're the one pool where I would happily drown."

"Uh… Thanks." She looked at me out the corner of her eye, confused slightly.

"No… I meant," I paused, trying to remember. "I forgot."

Alice laughed and it was the most beautiful thing I think I had ever heard.

The truck came to a stop. "Let's get you to bed," Alice said, unbuckling both of our seat belts.

"Are you joining me?" I asked, trying to be charming but failing miserably.

"Sure," she said, her voice soft and caring.

Alice raced around to help as I tried to get out of the truck. She stuck her hand in the pocket of my jeans, feeling around the small space, tickling my leg.

"Hey," I laughed, squirming away from her hand. "Don't know what you heard but I'm not that kinda girl."

Alice held up my keys, a mischievous smile playing on her features as she opened the door.

The house was dark and I flipped on the light, ungracefully kicking off my shoes. Charlie wouldn't be back until the afternoon so I knew I didn't need to worry about having Alice here.

Speaking of Alice, I searched my small home for the spiky haired devil girl. I found her in the kitchen, leaning against the old yellow cabinets, holding a glass of water.

"Here, drink this, it will help." She handed me the cold glass.

"Okay," I accepted, taking a few large gulps before setting it down. The water seemed to hit my stomach with an audible, hollow splash and I realized how hungry I was. I opened the fridge, leaning on the door.

"Hey, we should make pancakes!" I announced to Alice, excitedly.

She did not look amused as she replied. "This is no time for pancakes; let's get you to bed."

I opened an old box, taking a few bites of stale pizza before accepting.

I started to feel more awake as we got to my room. Alice let me use the bathroom first and I took an old shirt from the drawer and brushed my teeth, trying to get rid of the taste of whiskey.

I got back to my room, trying to flatten out the large shirt so it looked longer, as I tried to cover the small boxer shorts I wore. I realized that was silly, since Alice had seen me in a lot less on a daily basis.

I pushed the door open and Alice had her bare back to me and I watched her silently put on a shirt. Her skin, so white, seemed to glow in the soft moonlight. She ran a hand through her hair, making it that sort of perfect combo of sexy and messy. My eyes moved from her hair to her neck and then I noticed on her shirt across the back written in white letters: 'Brandon.' I took a step into the room, making a noise to alert her that I was there.

"I can't believe I forgot you had this," she smiled.

"I meant to give it back so many times after… that day… but another part of me, a stronger part, wanted to keep it." I stepped silently as I spoke, each word bringing me closer to her, until our toes touched.

Alice placed her hand on my chest, laying it flat over my heart. "I'm glad you did. Now let's get to bed." She finished by pushing up on her toes, placing a slow, lingering kiss on my lips, as I leaned in to make it last a moment longer.

Alice took a step towards the bed and I grabbed her hand, doubt and fear rising within me. "You'll stay this time right?"

Alice squeezed my hand, her warmth radiating to me. "I promise."

**A/N Thanks for reading:] hope you liked it. It's coming to the end and I'm nervous because its very hard to please everyone. Some may like it some may not but the great thing about fanfiction is that you can make up your own mind. **


	21. Nothingness

**A/N Hey guys thanks for all the reviews and alerts. It's been a great ride I cant believe this is the last chapter. I think because I was maybe going to split this but I decided just to keep it one. It's very hard ending a fic so go easy on me. A million thanks to Beetlebum 101 for being an amazing beta and all round person. Wouldn't have been able to do this without her:]**

**P.s read note at the end concerning epilogue. **

I let my head fall back onto the pillow, as Alice sat on the edge of my bed. We were waiting for Charlie to get home so I could tell him about Coach. I didn't want to think about it; and I didn't want to be thinking about my dad when I had a beautiful girl sitting on my bed.

"Do we really have to tell Charlie? I mean, it's only, like, three months until graduation. I can stay on the team, you can stay on the team, the scouts can see you and then we can both get out of here."

Alice placed her hand just above my knee, giving it a squeeze. "I can't let you do that. And we can't let him get away with what he did. It wasn't right."

I sat up, meeting Alice's eyes. I was just always so used to taking care of things myself. I didn't know how to let other people care for me, not even Charlie. "But he was right, I have no proof. And him threatening to cut you from the team isn't illegal."

"But he blackmailed you, that must count for something. Even if it doesn't, I'm not going to be in the same room as that man again."

This is what I was afraid would happen. "You need to think about what's best for _your _future, Alice."

"I want what's best for _our_ future." Alice put her hand over mine and I couldn't help the smile that tugged on my lips at the mention of _our_ future. "You've got to stop worrying about pleasing other people. Even now, all you're talking about is how this affects me. What about you? What do you want?"

I didn't know what I wanted. Before this all happened I just wanted time to think and try to find out who I was, away from swimming. For so long I tried to keep my mother happy and now I was just doing the same with Alice. "I don't know."

"And you're never going to find out if you keep living your life for other people."

I huffed a laugh, grabbing the pillow behind me with my free hand and whacking Alice softly on the back. "When did you get so smart?" I questioned. Alice's parted lips gave way to a shocked expression. She pushed the pillow back, moving her hand to my chest and pushing me back against the bed.

"No one ever tell you Jocks are supposed to be dumb?" I added, as she began to force me back onto the mattress, my body yielding under her touch.

Soft laughter filled the room. Alice kneeled over me, her face inches from me as she tried to keep a stern look, but it kept breaking. "I am very smart. And a Jock? You shouldn't use stereotypes. I mean, you don't look gay, if we were using stereotypes."

"What does gay look like?" I questioned.

"Like a unicorn – mystical and beautiful," Alice chuckled.

"You are _so_ gay," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Gay for you," she added, leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips.

I placed my hand on her hot cheek, holding her there for a moment longer, trying to memorize the feeling of her lips as she smiled against my mouth.

The sound of the front door slamming shut tore us apart. I looked at Alice, fear suddenly coursing through my body. Alice squeezed my hand. _It's now or never_, I thought, squeezing back.

Alice led me out of my room and down the small staircase. We stood at the bottom of the steps, our hands still intertwined as I stared holes into Charlie's back. He hadn't even taken his rain jacket off yet.

"Dad, I need to talk to you about something," I spoke, my voice laced with hesitation.

"Sure, what is it, Bells?"

"Um… maybe it's better if you sit down."

Charlie ran his hand along the creases in his brow. "What's going on?" he asked, unmoving.

"Well… Uh, I don't…" I stuttered.

"Just spit it out, Bells."

"The coach of the swim team has been blackmailing me."

Charlie's eyes scrunched together, all the lines in his forehead forcing down his brow. "Blackmailing you? How? He hasn't touched you, has he?" Charlie's hand twitched towards his gun.

"No! No, nothing like that," I mumbled quickly, looking to Alice for help.

"Chief Swan, Coach Damon said that if Bella didn't join the team he would cut me and Bella knew how much being on the team meant to me." Alice's grip tightened on my hand as she looked up at me reassuringly. "He manipulated her and used her own feelings against her to get her to join the team."

"I see." Charlie ran his hand through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" He asked, his brown eyes tired and weary.

"I don't know. I'm just used to taking care of things myself. I thought I could handle it."

Charlie frowned. "You should know you can talk to me about anything."

Charlie opened the front door again and I instinctively asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to sort this out," Charlie said, simply.

"What are you going to do?" I spoke, making my way across the living room.

"I'm going to go talk to the principal. Then I'm going to get a restraining order and see what other information I can get on this Coach Damon. Lock the door, I'll be back in a few hours." I had never seen Charlie like this; so cold and calculated. "Don't worry, he won't get away with this, Bells."

The door clicked closed and I stood staring into the empty space where Charlie had been standing.

"It's gonna be fine." Alice's voice was suddenly beside me. I turned my head to her and she grabbed my hand, sliding her fingers in between mine. "Let's watch some T.V.," she added, pulling me into the living room.

I sat on the space Charlie usually occupied. I could tell it was his space because of how warn out the support had become. It must have been almost perfectly shaped for him. Alice curled her legs under her tiny frame, grabbing the remote and turning on some sitcom. I stretched my arm over the back of the couch, mimicking that move you only see in old movies now, and Alice cuddled into my side. I placed a kiss into the soft spikes of her hair, inhaling the sweet flowery scent of her shampoo.

It felt odd having to place all my faith in Charlie. I guess that meant I didn't have faith in people. I looked down to Alice and the soft glow from the T.V. was lighting up her features. Did I have faith in Alice? I imagined her holding a gun to my chest and tried to think if I would be scared she'd ever pull the trigger. All the images of the past seemed to rush through my head. Even when she was mad at me, and rightfully so, I couldn't imagine her ever hurting me.

I sighed, focusing on the Television. We sat like that for an hour before a text to Alice's cell broke the silence.

"My mom is going to be here in five minutes. I wish I had my own car," Alice whined.

"I'm sure you will get your own car one day," I smiled.

"Yeah, one day I'll be able to buy myself anything I want, and I will have a bright yellow Porsche and an apartment that overlooks the city." Alice's eyes glazed over as she thought about her dream.

"Will I be there?" I found myself really hoping I would be.

"Of course. Someone has to clean and look after the cars," she giggled, adorably.

I joined her in laughing, before a honk signaled that our time was up. I walked Alice to the door and she sprung up on her toes a little, as I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned in for a kiss. I kept my arms around her, not wanting to let go, but there was another honk from outside and I slowly loosened my grasp.

I opened the door, leaning on the frame as Alice stepped out into the cold. "You know, there will be a day when I don't have to let go," I sighed.

"And I cannot wait for that day," Alice added, skipping down the steps and getting into her mom's car.

I waved goodbye until the car disappeared behind the trees and I closed the door, falling back against the glass. Edward was right, I really was whipped. What's worse is that I loved it.

I went back to the couch, lying down and brushing my face against the warm fabric. _I feel safe here_, I thought, before my eyes started to feel heavy.

"Bells…. Bells, wake up," Charlie's voice called out in my dream. "Wake up." I felt a hand shake me and I realized it wasn't a dream. I shot up, rubbing my eyes furiously, trying to get them to focus.

"Charlie?" I called out, still half blind. "What happened?" My voice was full of sleep but then I remembered what he had gone to do and a rush of nerves eliminated any tiredness that lingered.

"It's okay, you should go to bed."

"I want to know what happened."

"Well, it turns out James Damon has a few outstanding warrants in Utah and Tennessee for illegal gambling. He's been put on suspension from the school and I don't think he'll be coming back for a while. He will have to go back to Utah to stand trial. The bail bondsman should be here tomorrow to pick him up."

_Not surprising_, I thought. "I think he bet on the last match we had but I don't know who with."

"Don't worry about it." Charlie squeezed my shoulder and I knew he would handle it.

"So, that means I have to go to school tomorrow." I yawned, stretching my arms above my head.

"I'm afraid so, bud."

I put my arms over his neck, quickly giving him a small hug. "Thanks, dad," I breathed.

Our laughter filled the small home and Charlie looked a lot like his old self again. I thought about how stupid I was for not telling him. I always had the best intentions but then I remembered what they said about the road to hell.

xxxx

I was in English when it happened. Alice and I were sharing her textbook and she was still catching me up on things I had missed, when someone came into the class with a note. Everyone quickly noticed it wasn't a student – it was the principal – and like a heard of sheep, everybody's head flicked up as Ms. Jacobs read the note over, her eyes quickly scanning over the words.

"Could any members of the swim team please go with Miss McFarlane."

Alice's eyes flicked to me and I raised my shoulders a fraction indicating I had no idea. I had told her everything I knew this morning. We packed up our things and Alice, Emily and I all left. As we did, the class seemed to be taken over with a roar of chatter, everyone wondering what could possibly have happened.

We followed her silently to her office and as she opened the door, everyone else from the team seemed to already be there waiting.

"Charlie?" I gasped, as my eyes rose to see him standing behind the desk in full

uniform, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Bella, we will talk about this later," he noted, authoritatively

Miss McFarlane sat at her desk. She was an older woman but her title gave away the fact that she wasn't married. Or maybe she was divorced like Charlie. She wore a burgundy blazer and skirt that seemed a size too big for her and she tried to flatten it as she spoke.

"Girls, it has come to my attention that Mr. Damon was blackmailing a student at this school and I am asking everyone that had contact with him, especially those under his supervision, if he has ever done or said anything untoward to them. If so, please come forward and talk to us. If not now, you can call the school to make an individual appointment with me or to talk to a school counselor. For this reason, Mr. Damon will no longer be teaching here and your team will now be supervised by Mrs. Hill."

Miss McFarlane spoke, making eye contact with everyone individually, but when she got to me I dropped my gaze, unable to look at her. She knew it was me that had started this whole thing; but it was all true. What if he did it to someone else and they were like me and thought they could handle it?

"Chief Swan is also here for the rest of the morning in case anyone wants to make an official statement."

They let us go, saying we could have the rest of the period off but to make it back by third period. As we exited, the gossip began.

"I can't believe they brought in the cops, this must be serious. I never thought Coach would do something like that," Kate stated, throwing her backpack over one shoulder.

"I bet it was one of the boys on the baseball team. Maybe he touched one of them. I bet it was Edward; he's never been interested in any girls at this school."

"Shut up, Tanya," I cut in, flaring with anger that she would talk about my friend like that. Alice grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly and keeping my focus as she spoke.

"Just because he's rejected you every time you've asked him out. What is it? Five times, now? Six?" Alice tried to recall, as I snickered under my breath.

"Whatever," Tanya waved off. "Come on, Jane, let's go hang out in the cafeteria." With that, they walked off.

"This feels so weird," Emily spoke up, gathering our attention. "A new coach, the police… this is crazy."

Alice stayed silent and I did the same. I don't think there was any reason everybody had to know it was me, but I guess I would have to tell them eventually that I wasn't coming back to the team.

"Yeah," Kate replied, her eyes searching the lockers. "I have to go get my book for the next class. See you guys at practice."

Everything seemed to quickly move back to normal. I pulled Alice towards my normal route to media class, as we parted from the others with a small wave goodbye.

"What class do you have next?" I asked, curiously.

"Geography in building three. Do you think he did it to anyone else?" A mask of concern flooded her features and I realized what a good person she was.

"I don't think he did. I'm not sure, but it took a while for him to get me to join and I think he just got desperate in the end."

"I still can't believe you did that for me." Alice nudged me gently into the lockers and I stopped walking to face her.

"I couldn't let you give up something you loved so much for me. Plus, I got to spend a lot of time with you so it wasn't all bad."

Alice brought her hand up, touching the outside of my shoulder, then gently moving it down my arm as she spoke. "How are you feeling about all this?"

"I don't know; it feels weird. Like starting all over again." Or maybe I should have said _ending_. Would I finally get to stop competing?

"Well, maybe this will be a better beginning."

"As long as I have you by my side it already is." I hugged Alice close to my chest, planting a small kiss on her forehead as the bell rang.

I loosened my grip and we stood there as the halls filled with people rushing towards their next class. It seemed neither of us wanted to leave. I know I certainly didn't.

"I guess I'll see you at gym." I shuffled back slowly.

Alice looked at me for a moment, a sad smile covering her lips.

"Alice," a male voice called and both of our heads moved towards the sound.

Jasper stood there, holding a thick textbook against the dark denim of his jeans. His eyes cast down momentarily before he looked between Alice and I again.

"Bella," he nodded. "I just wanted to ask if you guys were okay. I heard about the coach. They brought in the whole baseball team this morning. I had no idea he would do something like that."

"Jazz." Alice's voice shook and I knew there were probably a thousand things she wanted to say.

The silence was palpable and I wondered if I should say something. Alice opened her mouth slightly but then closed it again.

"We are good, Jasper. Everybody on the team is okay."

Jasper looked to me, nodding in acceptance and moving his textbook nervously between hands. "Well, I better get to class." He took a few steps, moving past us as I looked to Alice, trying to convey that she should talk to him before it was too late.

"Jazz." Alice spun on her heel and he stopped in his tracks, turning to us again. "Will you sit with us again at lunch?"

He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling quietly. "I'll think about it."

_I guess that was better than a 'no_,' I thought inwardly, as Alice seemed to take this all in. I took her hand, squeezing it slightly and trying to get her to look at me. "You okay?" I whispered.

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine." She shook her head quickly, coming back into the moment. Surprisingly, her hair still managed to stay perfect, falling gently back around her face.

The bell rang, signaling the start of third period. I didn't even notice that the halls had become completely empty.

"I better run," Alice said, getting back to her usual perky self.

"Yeah, me too. See you later," I repeated, jogging up the steps to third period.

"Sorry I'm late," I mumbled, softly closing the door behind me as I entered the class.

"Bella, this is the third time you have been late to my class. It's unacceptable. I'm going to have to give you a detention."

What?! My mind yelled. I'm sure it's only the second… no, no, there was that time last week. But the other time was my first day; that shouldn't count.

Mr. Mason wrote up a note on a pink slip of paper. "Today, after school, room 56C. Try not to be late."

I grumbled under my breath at how unfair this was as I snatched the pink note from his hand and took my seat beside Emmett.

"Tough break, dude," he whispered and I just nodded, reading over the stupid slip.

The rest of the period, and even gym class, went by rather uneventfully and I was glad. Emmett, Alice and I walked towards the cafeteria as Emmett still talked about his non-existent band.

"Last night I had the best idea for a band name," Emmett gestured wildly his massive bear paw of a hand, almost hitting me as he did.

Alice managed to pull me out of the way just before he did, like she knew it was going to happen. "What's the name?" I asked, regaining my footing as we entered the lunch line.

"Emmett and the Epic Brain Freeze."

I tried to hold back a laugh and the noise that came out was sort of like a strangled squeak.

"Em…" Alice spoke, her voice softening. "You weren't drinking a Slushy when you thought of this by any chance?"

"How did you know?!" Emmett's surprise rang through the whole cafeteria.

We took our usual seats at our usual table, with Emmett setting down the two trays and Alice moving her seat closer to mine as I began to bite into my apple. Then Rosalie and Edward showed up, bickering about something that soon stopped once Rosalie was beside Emmett.

The table relaxed into a quiet conversation but then silence hit. I looked across to Rose and she was staring at something behind me. I craned my neck around to see Jasper holding his lunch tray awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You guys got an extra seat?" He spoke, quietly.

"Hell, yes, we do!" Emmett said, grabbing a chair from the nearest table and spinning it across the floor until it was between Edward and his. He patted the hard plastic chair, a wide grin covering his face.

"So, you get sick of sitting with the Jocks?" Rosalie prodded.

"No, I just missed you losers," Jasper smiled, messing up Edward's always wayward hair. He couldn't have seemed happier about it, as he slapped him lightly on the back and the usual table of five became a table of six.

I looked to Alice who was trying to hide a smile as she looked at Jasper through her lashes, before focusing them back to her food. The creeping smile still pulled at her lips, though, and I could tell that she was happy her friend was back. I sought out her hand under the table, taking it in mine and giving it a small squeeze. I was happy she was happy.

Xxx

I dragged my feet out of Art, looking at the stupid pink slip in my hand and thinking how unfair this detention was.

Alice skipped up to my side, mouthing 'hey' and giving me a small wave before she reached me.

"I thought we could hang out today."

I closed my eyes, running my free hand through my hair, trying to expel the feeling of stupidity I had when I forgot to tell her I had detention.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you at lunch, I got a detention for being late to Mason's class."

"Oh, that's okay, maybe tomorrow then." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. It was that fake smile people put on when they get presents they don't like.

"How come you didn't get a detention?" I asked, curiously.

"I just gave Mr. Stanley a wink and a smile and took my seat," she grinned mischievously, moving in front of me with a graceful spin as I began walking backwards along the empty hall.

"Yeah, I wouldn't give you detention either," I thought out loud, with a smirk.

She placed a hand on the neck of my shirt, stopping me in my tracks. "Well, if you were giving out detentions, maybe I would want one." With that she pulled me by the fabric of my shirt and it took my brain a few moments to catch up as she began to kiss me.

It was painfully slow and only lasted a few seconds. She pulled back and I let slip a low groan, almost like a growl.

"You are so bad," I whispered through my teeth, my body tensed and wanting more.

She moved back, a sly half-grin on her face as she bit her bottom lip slightly. "You can punish me later." Alice winked, sending my mind into a frenzy. "You better hurry if you want to make detention."

"Dammit," I spat, looking at the time and Alice just laughed. I took off down the hall, turning back at the very end to look at Alice's small form in the distance. "Miss you," I yelled, as she blew me a kiss and I pretended to catch it.

I made it to detention on the bell, opening the door to see Mr. Mason and two other students I had never met.

"Study. I'll be back in forty-five minutes," he said, simply.

I took a desk in the back, opening my book to study but thoughts of Alice seemed to flood my mind. I wondered what she was doing and thinking. If she was thinking about me.

"So, what you in for?" A kid with greasy, black hair asked me, sitting backwards on his seat.

"I was late three times; what about you?'

"Got caught smoking behind the gym."

I didn't want to talk to him but he continued to stare for a minute, before figuring out I was no fun to talk to. I kept my head in my book, letting myself get lost in a daydream. Mr. Mason came back early, slamming the door shut and boosting us all awake again.

"I guess you guys have learned your lesson. You can go now."

I walked out of the school happily swinging my bike helmet in the cool breeze. I reached the parking lot and stopped in my tracks. Rosalie's cherry red BMW was parked smack bang in the middle of the whole lot. Alice leaned against the hood, her arms resting back on the body of the car.

"What's this?" I asked, stunned.

"I thought I could take you someplace. I have something to show you."

I wondered what it could be as Alice took a seat in the driver's side. I walked along the side of the car, running my hand over the sleek red body.

"How did you get Rosalie to agree to this?" I asked, jumping in the front seat.

"She's really starting to like you…" Alice trailed off and I raised a speculative eyebrow. "And I may have let her borrow my favorite Louis Vuitton leather belt."

Alice drove fast and I hung on to the edge of the door for safety. Alice looked perfect: her dark sunglasses on and her grey scarf billowing in the wind. She reminded me of an old movie star.

"Sorry," Alice stuttered repeatedly as she looked at me. She must have registered the look of fear on my face.

"No, it's okay I'm good. So where are you taking me?"

"Rosalie never lets me borrow her car, it's like her baby. I'm taking you some place private." She grinned madly and if it was anyone else I would have been scared.

The car came to a halt on a hill with a small clearing, then just the view of the tree tops that seemed to never end. I opened the car door, staring out into the vast expanse, the quiet rustle of the wind gently swaying the leaves. It reminded me of when I was young and people tried to explain air or God or love and all your brain can process is: how can I believe in something I can't see? How do I know it's there? I relaxed onto the hood of the car, wondering when I started to believe in things I couldn't see.

Alice flicked the door shut with a short thump and I looked to her. As I looked into the blizzard blue of her eyes she smiled, and all I could think was: how could I ever not see her? She is like air and God and love all rolled up into one.

Alice sat beside me, nudging me playfully as she did. "What's got you thinking so hard?"

"Nothing," I replied.

"You know, nothing can be quite a lot, sometimes," she nodded, her eyes tightening seriously.

I huffed a small laugh. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, like the nothingness of space that holds the whole universe." Alice looked out into the trees, her hands on her knees, scratching at the fabric; almost like she was telling herself she still existed.

"So, we are all nothing?" I questioned.

"Yes; everything and nothing."

I felt the oddness of this conversation increasing with every second. "Well, you are a beautiful nothing," I laughed, hoping that it wasn't an insult. It didn't feel like one.

"Thank you," she smiled and like a light bulb went off, her eyes lit up. "I need to tell you something." Alice looked down, twisting her fingers together. "And I'm hoping you won't be mad."

I wondered what it could have been. Hundreds of horrible things ran through my brain until it ran blank. "What is it?"

She moved to the side of the car, grabbing something from the back seat I hadn't even noticed. She walked towards me and I could see it was an envelope that had already been torn open at the top. Alice handed me the envelope slowly, like it was going to self-destruct. Or maybe it was me she was worried about. I took it, tentatively, still trying to work out what it was.

"I applied for you… and you got in."

I pulled up the first sheet of paper and read over my name and the acceptance. "How… How did you do this?" How did she do this without me noticing?

"I borrowed some sketchbooks from your room and Miss Henderson helped," Alice whispered, as I stared at the letter. I couldn't believe it.

Whatever she was going to say next was muffled, as I covered her lips with mine. The warmth of her touch was electrifying my body and I had to part for a breath, but managed to whisper out a _thank you_.

"It's time to start becoming who you are."

I chuckled at her insight. "What would I do without you?" I spoke, shaking my head.

"Hopefully we won't have to find out," Alice said, before kissing me lightly.

We cuddled together, just looking out towards the woods. I thought about how things change; about Leah, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, Edward and Alice and what it meant to be a friend. I thought about what it meant to love someone and then about my mom. I wondered if she would still be proud of me; if she was out there somewhere in the nothingness looking out for me. Then I thought about nothing.

**A/N Thanks for reading. I'm thinking about posting an epilogue for this story. I have it mostly written but I do warn it is very different from this which is why I'm asking. Would you as a reader prefer it posted here or as say a future outtake on its own? It was originally an idea for a different story but I decided to tie it in with this one. **


	22. Epilogue

**A/N Hi everybody, here is the epilogue, take it with a pinch of salt because it was not an idea I originally thought of for this story but I wanted to write this so hey presto here it is. **

**Thanks again to Beetlebum101 for all her amazing help through this whole story. **

7 years later

I pushed the door to the apartment open with a forceful aggression, letting it slam against the drywall. I unbuttoned the top button of my shirt; the fabric felt like it was choking me. Alice balanced herself on the door handle behind me with one hand, taking off her black heels with the other.

I opened the pristine white cabinet and took out a glass, placing it on the marble counter top and slamming the door shut again. Grabbing the decanter of whiskey, I poured myself a large glass, taking a long swallow and letting the liquid burn down my throat. _She couldn't let me have one night_,I thought, bitterly.

"Yeah, Bella, passive aggressively slam stuff, that's going to help," Alice barked.

"You couldn't let me have the spotlight for one night!" I pushed the hair back out of my face, waiting to hear her excuse.

"That woman was all over you, what did you want me to do?" She threw up her arms.

"She was congratulating me, Alice; we work together and she's my friend."

"Yeah, you two looked _real_ friendly," she spat, folding her arms over her chest.

"You are such a hypocrite! How do you think I feel, Alice? Ever since you started modelling, and now TV and movies… It was just supposed to be something to help pay for college." I sighed. "You had to share me for one night; I have to share you with the whole world!"

"What do you want me to do, Bella, huh? You want me to stop working, huh? You want me to get some minimum wage, nine to five job that I hate?!"

"No! I just want you to get a job where you can keep your clothes on!" I swear, the day that Victoria's Secret campaign started was the worst day of my life. Every sleazy guy in Manhattan started ogling Alice's body.

"So, you want me to ask them to take down the billboards and give back all the money? Move out of this apartment?"

"It's not about the money, Alice. I loved you before you had money and I'd still love you if you had nothing. I just want you to stop selling your body like a common prostitute!" I wanted the old Alice back; the Alice that taught kids how to swim and who wanted to be a teacher.

Alice's eyes filled with tears. All the times we argued she hardly every cried and it hit me like a knife in the heart. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, no, let's get it all out." Alice took a step back. "Tell me what you really feel, because this has obviously been coming for a while." She filled with anger and I could see the whites of her eyes.

I stayed quiet, trying not to let my anger boil over again. I let out a breath, running my hand through my hair.

"I have to get to bed soon. I have a scene to shoot in the morning then an award show," she spoke, turning towards the bedroom.

"Of course!" I shouted. "Because we wouldn't want to keep Alec waiting!"

Alice spun on her foot, the ends of her little black dress curling effortlessly. "Is that what this is about? Alec? You know I didn't choose him; they made me sign a contract when I started the movie. You said you were okay with it."

"Yeah, because I knew you would have done it anyway and I thought it was just gonna be some publicity for the movie, not pregnancy scandals and photos of you kissing at Zabar's."

"He's my friend, nothing more than that. He's hardly even my friend, he's my… my beard."

I closed my eyes, splaying my hands out on to the cold countertop. "I just don't want the world to look back on this as the time Alice Brandon dated Alec Crowley, and where I am somewhere in the background. Maybe I get mentioned as, 'the roommate.'" I added air quotes. "I thought I meant more to you than that."

"What? Of course you do!"

"Then why does it feel like you are so ashamed of me?" I sighed, my body finally spent of anger. I couldn't help but play over all the events of the past year that had to be kept quiet because of her movie deal. We could hardly even go out anymore, and God forbid someone gets a photo of us. "That's not even the worst part." I closed my eyes. "I love you so much and it feels like you're ashamed of yourself; of who you are."

"Bella… I… You know I'm not ashamed of _us_."

"Doesn't feel like that," I added, taking another gulp, the burning in my throat a distraction from the burning in my heart. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

"If that's what you want," Alice said quietly, her hand running down the doorframe before she disappeared into our bedroom.

xxxxx

I sat on the high bar stool, letting my elbows rest in the cracks in the old pine. I gave a small wave to the bartender and he nodded knowing my usual drink of choice.

I looked at the clock behind the bar. Leah was late, as usual. I was hoping they would show some sort of sports on the TV, but no, my luck was never that good. Some random actor was up on stage giving the usual speech, '_I want to thank_…' I snorted in annoyance, as the bartender (I think his name was Ben) put the glass in front of me.

"Thanks," I mumbled under my breath.

I stared into the dark brown liquid, wondering what had happened to my life.

Leah cut me from my thoughts with a slap to the top of my back, making me sit up straight. "Sorry I'm late, the babysitter got caught in traffic."

"That's okay, how are the kids?" _I miss them_, I thought inwardly.

"They are good. Jacob junior's birthday is next weekend." Leah smiled.

"What should I get him?" I inquired.

"You know what he wants." She rolled her eyes.

"More comics?" I smiled

"Of course. He loves auntie Bella's comics; he makes me read them to him every night."

I looked to the bartender again waving him over. "Where is Jake, anyway? I thought he might be joining us."

"He had to teach a class."

"This late?"

"It's a self-defence thing for business women or something. I don't know, I stopped listening half way through," Leah waved her arm, dismissively.

I hunched my shoulders back over the bar, taking a sip of my Scotch.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I sighed.

"Bella, I've known you long enough to know when something is wrong. How many drinks have you had?"

"Here? One. Home? Three." I finished my drink as he brought over Leah's vodka cranberry.

"We've come a long way since warm grape soda and vodka by the bonfire," Leah smiled.

_What I wouldn't give for some of those days back_, I thought, blissfully.

"Everything okay with you and Alice?"

I shook my head, 'no,' staring at the bar. "I feel like she's changing and I'm worried she outgrew her old life and me along with it."

Leah placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Alice loves you more than anything."

"We had a big fight last night. Not sure if we are gonna get past this one."

"You've had fights before, it just takes a few days."

"The funny thing is, I thought it was going to be a great night," I sighed, reaching my hand into the inside pocket of my jacket. I placed the small, black velvet box on the bar and pushed it along until it landed in front of Leah.

Leah picked up the box, tentatively lifting the lid until she saw the diamond ring that lay nestled inside.

"You were going to ask her to marry you?" her voice became a whisper.

"Maybe it was a stupid idea."

"Bella, Alice loves you. She has always been in your corner, stood by you. Remember when we first met and you were so closed off and hard to reach? Alice didn't give up on you. Maybe now is the time you need to stand by her and help her remember who she was before. Hey, look there she is now," Leah pointed to the TV.

"Can we turn that off?" I yelled to the bartender.

"No, turn it up!" Leah added.

Ben turned up the volume on the flat screen and we watched Alice look surprised as they called her name. I didn't know exactly what it was she won for. Alec leaned over and kissed her cheek as she smiled. I knew it was her fake smile. It was the one she used when she had to put up with people she didn't like, or that time I bought her a Christmas sweater.

Alice approached the podium and I found it hard to take my eyes off of her. She was so beautiful: her hair perfectly curled in finger waves like a 1920's starlet, a flowing golden dress that swayed ever so slightly when she walked…

"Thank you," Alice spoke, taking hold of the award. "Uh, I had a speech prepared but… things change." She stuttered a little and I couldn't help but think, _what are you doing, Alice?_ "I would like to thank everyone involved, but especially I would like to thank the love of my life." The camera panned to Alec then back to Alice. "Bella Swan."

The room gasped and I turned to Leah then back to the screen, just to make sure I didn't make it up in my own head. "She said my name, right?" I asked, staring holes into the screen.

"Yep, I heard your name, alright."

Alice stood there, as the crowd became a twitter with gossip. Her eyes were searching for an exit as the camera stayed square on her, zooming into her face, while occasionally showing the shock of the crowd.

"Uh… Thanks again." She held up the award and quickly made her way backstage.

"Do you think she meant to do that?" I asked Leah.

"Yeah, I think she did."

My mind buzzed with excitement and worry. Did she really know what she was getting herself into?

"Dude, she just outted you guys on live T.V. I think you better head home."

I could hardly find words in my brain. All that came out was a high-pitched noise that must have sounded like, 'yeah'.

"I'll get us a cab."

(Back at the apartment)

It was just reaching 2am. The phone had been ringing non-stop so I unplugged it an hour ago. I looked to my cell phone but there were no new messages. I called Alice six times but I bet she must have turned off her phone too.

I sat in the darkness, a small table lamp the only source of light. The floor to ceiling windows that surrounded the apartment now looked like the night sky. All the cars and apartments became hundreds of tiny twinkling lights.

The sound of keys scratching at the lock sent a bolt of adrenalin to my heart and I shot to my feet. I thought about going over, just to rip the door off the hinges.

Alice entered cautiously, looking around the apartment and our eyes met. The silence was heavy with words that no longer needed to be spoken.

"Alice, what did you do?" I breathed, my voice almost gone.

"I couldn't take thinking that you thought I was ashamed of you and the more I thought about it, the more I realised you were right."

"Alice, I wasn't right, I was mad." Alice raised her hand, making me silent.

"I want the world to look back on this time as the time when Alice Brandon loved Bella Swan more than anything, and no contract or movie deal will get in the way of that. I won't let it."

"What will they do to you?" I asked, nervously.

Alice bridged the gap between us, placing a cold hand on my cheek. She still looked like she did on T.V. but even more beautiful because she was here with me.

"I don't care."

Alice kissed me hard and I felt tears gathering as I closed my eyes. We parted and I could feel the tears rolling down my face as Alice ran her thumb over my cheekbone.

"Alice…" I took a small step back, taking both of her hands in mine.

"Yes?"

I got down on one knee, letting go of one of her hands to reach for the ring box in my pocket. Alice covered her mouth with her free hand. Her eyes wide as saucers focused down on me.

"I love you. We have been through so much together and I think the only reason I've lasted so long is because I've always had you by my side. I always want to have you by my side… Will you marry me?"

"Yes!"

**A/N Thanks for reading:] Officially The End! Feels good to type and have all my stories complete. Hope you enjoyed it and please review if you did its great to know what people think. **

**P.S Also I am working on a short epilogue for Pancakes for Dinner so keep an eye out. Wasn't planned just had an idea. **


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